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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-06-10 18:16:18 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Never Yield

Alone lost in ecstasy of thought and reverie as day declines and a cloudless sun sags Blind run-away mind in hopeless disarray pounded by billows of dismal regret There is no lamp in tortured twilight only wicked ashy-white shadows and dread of tomorrow's hours and night dreams Silence chimes upon buried demons and foredoomed feeble footsteps fail Even when the dispetaled rose dies Never yield

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-07-07 12:53:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91304
Lovely and evocative and wise Alone lost [love those a/o sounds - like a sigh- as day declines and a cloudless sun sags [sun sags! What a great great image!] Blind run-away mind in hopeless disarray pounded by billows of dismal regret [and what sharp image making in phrases like run-away mind and "billows of regret"] There is no lamp in tortured twilight [no lightand no thus no enlightment - wonderful thought and and great t alliteration] only wicked ashy-white shadows and dread of tomorrow's hours and night dreams nice Silence chimes [great] upon buried demons and foredoomed feeble footsteps fail[a little too much f allitertian here I think] Even when the dispetaled rose dies [miraculous] Never yield Marilyn, I don't think you understand how good your work is! This is splendid.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-06-21 04:21:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.31250
Very nice mar - I was wondering how "morrow" sounds to your ear and "on" instead of "upon" just something to consider tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-06-13 19:45:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.60000
Marilyn–Neat melancholic toned piece with metaphoric descriptors/allits (day declines; sun sags; foredoomed feeble footsteps fail) ; rhymes (declines/blind/mind; twilight/ashy-white/night) combining to present an intriquing question (IMO): “Never Yield” to what? Could readily be a very troubled-secluded protagonist flashing back on past days/ times (at the end of the day) and due to some pressing/sad personal problem(s) is very apprehensive about mentally facing morbid waking times as well as the night- mares. And through all of this-even when request for redemption/salvation/forgiveness for past bad deed(s) go unanswered and the last resort has been used-still don’t give in to the antagonist “life”: “Never Yield” to the dark side of “suicide”. Sorry if I misstated this heart wrenching effort. Thanks for sharing. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2004-06-11 20:01:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.16667
Dear Marilyn; A somber poem relating the poets love of daylight and dread of the curtain of night. Left alone in the dark, the poet is anguished through introspection of past events and revisits memories which cannot be changed. The character does not look forward to the long tortured night "nightmares" or the thought of tomorrows hours. I originally thought this poem was about Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) but think the poet is relating to a higher level of personal pain which will not go away once night descends. Does The dispetaled Rose refer to the lost love of the poet? And the "Never Yield" refer to keeping strength to go on in the face of uncommon grief associated with a deep personal loss, felt always, but worse at night rather than day? Sorry Marilyn, if I have missed the mark. I wish you peace of mind...and hope your pain lessens as you write. Thank you for this thoughtful honest effort. Gerard

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-06-11 04:10:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Marilyn, This poem is deep. I can see the pain and suffering here. Someone suffers from internal disorders and maybe it is just state of the mind as you mentioned reverie. It could also apply to a person feels hopeless of tomorrow. But it is good to note that there is realization and this realization would yield to awakening. Never yield to...? A nice piece recognizing the innerself. In our lives are times that we become pessimistic of the things around us. But we should conceive that these things are designed to strengthen us. The formulation of the poem is superb with the applicaiton of poetic devices like figurative languages, alliterations (giving the sound track). I am amazed by the phrase "Silence chimes upon buried demons and foredoomed feeble footsteps fail" -- freshly formulated by your poetic pen. Thanks for sharing this moving piece, Marilyn. I hope you are happy these days. Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-06-10 19:23:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Marilyn, very well constructed, with some excellent use of alliteration, assonance and interior rhyme. I wished only for one comma [after "Alone"] in the whole piece, or juxtaposed the 1st 2 words. Either way would have eliminated the slight hesitation that the beginning gave me. Great piece filled with emotional outpouring. Nice imagery, too. Thanks for sharing it. peace. wrl

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