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This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-06-11 13:19:41 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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In Anticipation of the Pines

It’s not far away, as vast highways go. I’ll drive slowly up the coast in a day, see wind-bent spruce, sip scent of ocean flanked by surf-stung breakers below brown bluffs. Scrub pines will sweep off the dust of daily life that dulls my senses. I’ll unwind my mind, find poppy jasper, sandpipers’ spare, crisscrossed tracks, breathe in sweet smoke of star-tasting fires dotted down the beach at dark. Quick sea trips are simple, though I’m unsure what lies beside the drowsy shore. As roads curve to an end, more may surface when the wind has spoken.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-07-04 22:22:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.16667
I know that the title of this poem says Anticipation, but it fits as a last poem of the trip as well. It mentions the beginning, but it could be summing up the trip, and planning the next. This poem is so versatile. This has been a great series of poems. Joanne you are a truly gifted writer. I can’t wait to start in on your July poems. I can see you reading this poem at the end of your poetry reading. This poem has a slow, tired, but happy rhythm to it. These words emphasize this feeling: “beach at dark” “drowsy shore” “curve to an end”. You and the other great poets here have made me totally addicted to TPL. Thank you and more please. Kay-Ren

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-06-21 04:48:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.31250
Hi- Believe I'll take a few days off, dust off the old hammock hang myself in it with a good book and a beer. By the sea, I remember the bent tree the old woman kyphotically stooped in gnarled grief her mourning but a glimmer of light off the tidal pool far below her sheer cliff-home and children on the sand and the salt on the wind and the grit in your hand and the way it disappeared and returned to whisper in my deaf ear again and again as if it didn't believe I don't listen to the sea or believe in ghosts or fairytale endings but trust the starfish in the end to tell me the truth

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-06-15 11:53:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Joanne–The piece is saturated with allits (spruce, sip scent; surf-strung; breakers below brown bluffs; my mind; sandpipers’ spare; sweet smoke; dotted down; more may) and it’s share of internal rimes (away/day; bent/scent; unwind/mind; end/wind) which of course combine to make it picturesque as well as musical. My favorite line(s) other than the “Bs” tongue twister (smile) are; “Scrub pines will sweep off the dust of daily life that dulls my senses.” (non-literal, but believeable and quite affective/wonderful) You simply must take this trip, and you’ve already got us reader(s) wishing and wanting to go with. However, barring that, thanks for allowing us to share this excellent descriptive view of your “anticipated quick sea trip” (which, through great imagery and quite creatively, you’ve made ours-smile). TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2004-06-14 13:18:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Joanne, This is a study in alliteration and rhythm. "see wind-bent spruce, sip scent of ocean flanked by surf-stung breakers below brown bluffs." (I think the muses have a crush on you.) Enough of craft, let's chat about the mist. "It’s not far away, as vast highways go." W-h-e-w. What an opening! This is one of Frostian lines that reach into forever and never let go. My God woman. What hath you wrought with this chisel? And then, in perfect Uppendahl form we hear, "I’ll drive slowly up the coast in a day," This is repleat with "time out mind" sybolism. That sort of "eternity in a grain of sand", "forever is the moment your in" kind of wisdom that has lost it's meaning in the spare change of everyday usage. But you recapture the essence of this wisdom in a way unique to you. You weave things. Continuing the weave is an exquisite description of the journey. Real things pushing inner worlds aside to remind us that the most of our "existense" is imaginary. We are not very far from ourselves if we would but drive a little more slowly through the vastness. Our destination is always, at once within and without us, as the poet reminds us, Quick sea trips are simple, though I’m unsure what lies beside the drowsy shore. and that we no more than solve one riddle, and the mystery is renewed. "As roads curve to an end," (I especially like the way you fitting refer to roads "curving" to an end. Always and forever the surprise.) "more may surface when the wind has spoken." Silence is the source isn't it? How well you know this, how poetically you show us. Rick

This Poem was Critiqued By: G. Donald Cribbs On Date: 2004-06-14 11:46:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Joanne, I'm glad you reposted this one. I noticed the first one, added it to my voting list and then went to bed, thinking I could critique it the next day. It was gone! I think the only major difference is the ending. I can't remember the first one, I think it had to do with dreams or something, but I like this ending better. Good correction on your part! The 's' sounds throughout this piece are like the wind buzzing through the branches of the trees, whistling along the coast as you speed in your car. The 'b' sounds are a nice contrast, with their sudden jerking stop. You're getting more adept at using the natural sounds of words and parts of words to convey deeper meaning just with their own simple function. Well done! Great 'b' and 'u' sounds too! You rock. The poem topic itself is a nice tip-of-the-hat to your favorite, Mary Oliver. I love the enjambment of the "sweet smoke of star-tasting/fires dotted down the beach at dark." It reads both with a comma and without a comma there for double meanings. Nicely done! (i.e. if you put a comma where the line break is, you get smokey star-tasting, and fires dotting the beach. Without it, you also get star-tasting fires which are dotted down the beach. Wow. I love "lies beside/drowsy shore." It's a great sigh of meaning yawning the reader through to follow what the poem is saying here. Great job. With your ending, I see the Spirit in the wind. With such a deeper meaning, this conveys eternity, hope for tomorrow, possibilities, and optimism among others. A wonderfully rich and deeply written poem! Thanks for sharing it with us. Warm regards, Don

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-06-12 10:28:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh Joanne, this is even more beautiful then the original. When you said you were going to tighten it up, it was already complete in my mind. But you have managed to make picture perfect, even more crisp and focussed. Forgive me, since I don't have a copy of both, I'll have to go on memory (ha! my memory!). First, you have separated the poem into stanzas and even added a bit. Both these additions tighten immeasurably. I'm glad you stuck with this title, "In Anticipation of Pines", as it clearly adds imagery from the beginning. In the first stanza, I immediately am struck by your "S" sounds and it relaxes me ( and believe me, after the 1st week of my new job I need a bit of relaxing) and washes over my mind like a waterfall. “It’s not far away, as vast highways go. I’ll drive slowly up the coast in a day, see wind-bent spruce, sip scent—great alliteration! of ocean flanked by surf-stung –again “S” alliteration at it’s finest! breakers below brown bluffs.”—you knocked my socks off with your “B” allits! Mileage-wise the trip is not far, but state of mind-wise it’s a long soothing trip. “Slowly” indicates this will be a pleasure trip not a business trip. This is a trip I’d like to take, as I have never seen this particular coast. But your imagery takes me there in the blink of an eye with descriptions of scenery carved by our creator for sure. “Scrub pines will sweep off the dust----Again this image is so rewarding for this reader! of daily life that dulls my senses. I’ll unwind my mind, find poppy jasper, ----the rhyme sings! sandpipers’ spare, crisscrossed tracks, ----wonderful allit breathe in sweet smoke of star-tasting ----this is smoking alright fires dotted down the beach at dark.”---more imagery sharpened here Wow Joanne, I want to take this trip for real! Your poetics are making sweet music in this stanza And you did not change it that much, but it sure makes this picture so much clearer in my mind! “Quick sea trips are simple, though I’m----assonance rings in this line unsure what lies beside the drowsy shore.----drowsy is such a fresh descriptor here As roads curve to an end, more may surface when the wind has spoken.” This last stanza is makes me want to close my eyes and wait for the wind to speak to me, conjuring up waves that make the most wonderful music. But for now the quietness of the Scene is relaxing me. This is so lovely. Your changes have given it the perfect finishing Touches to make it shine. I truly needed this as I have been a bit stressed out lately. I’m glad I got the opportunity to revisit this one. Thanks for the poem, till I can get the real thing. I can’t wait to see the carved beauty someday! Blessings, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2004-06-11 20:48:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.16667
Dear Joanne; Delightful work full of your signature poetic license (s) alliteration...assonance.. and a few other English literature and grammatical terms... But to the point....I want to go on a Drive with You! Man I would love to go on the shore of the Northwest Coast...you describe it wonderfully and so real...I have been on the East Coast all my life...You know the one with the Salt Water on the right side....It would be great to drive with the water on the left side for a change.... Thanks for this great descriptive piece.. Always your friend, Gerard

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-06-11 18:52:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
It’s not far away, as vast highways go. I’ll drive slowly up the coast in a day, see wind-bent spruce, sip scent ( with this line your poem starts to have the wonderful language and painters vision I so anticipate in your poems) of ocean flanked by surf-stung breakers below brown bluffs.(surf stung is a wonderful adjective and I also enjoyed the alliteration nice job with this) Scrub pines will sweep off the dust of daily life that dulls my senses. I’ll unwind my mind, find poppy jasper, (this is the second forshadowing of letting go or death in the poem and they are so subtle that it is not till the end that this poem even hints strongly at death). sandpipers’ spare, crisscrossed tracks, breathe in sweet smoke of star-tasting fires dotted down the beach at dark. Quick sea trips are simple, though I’m unsure what lies beside the drowsy shore. As roads curve to an end, more may surface when the wind has spoken. Those last lines as roads curve to an end-speak of death but also of one phase of life closing and then more may surface speaks of another phase of life beginging-or of afterlife. I love the beauty of the language in this poem, the subtle calling to think beyond the surface of the thoughts and just about everything else. I would take another look at the first two lines to see if they can be made as alluring as the rest of the poem. Sandra

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