This Poem was Submitted By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2004-06-20 19:20:26 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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We Dance
the early hours of morning
just after sun rise
are as crystal clear
as the shimmering air
building toward
the heat of day
the world awakens
but not in urgency
slowly
stretching like a lean cat
uncurling
from a favorite nook
the dawn shadowed
half awake
half asleep
twilight still reigns
dreams are tangible
in this soft realm
sighs of contentment
luxuriance of snuggling
nakedness
wrapped together
in sensuous warm
sleep scented skin
sparks unanticipated
full-blooded arousal
of familiar galvanizing
erotic glimmer
a time
which is timeless
transcends all thoughts
as passion
renders
all words
useless
white light
touches soul
overshadowing
necessity
reverie and reality merge
into sanguine expectancy
as you spontaneously
breathe rumbling fire
into me
igniting liquid flames
of desire
for how many years
in a myriad
of life times
have I watched you
become
searing beauty
in my eyes
to my soul
you are the matchless grace
and glory
of the moon and stars
never shall I tire
of the joy
your bewitching smile
bids me
life has never been
and
can never be
without you
there is
no existence
apart from us
no will to live
without the promise
we hold in each other
beyond eternity
pounding majestic oceanic
power of cleansing
grounding salt air
is but a two dimensional
thought form
compared to our culminating
co-joined bodies
of creation
riding torrent crest
to crevasse
again to climaxing torrid tryst
dynamical mating and melting
one flesh
one vision
one tongue
known only to us
in this
miraculous moment
we dance
exotic exigent
salient steps
in sweat soaked silks
aware only
of passion's tone poem
song
of early morning heated pleasure
to our souls minion
just after sun rise
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Copyright © June 2004 Jana Buck Hanks
Additional Notes:
This was originally submitted in 2002. It is one of my favorites and hope that I will be able to feel words like I did these, to pen again. This one makes me smile...slyly...
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-07-06 05:16:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Hi Janna,
I like this one. It makes me feel like dancing.
Thanks for posting.
Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-06-29 20:52:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.34211
Jana, what an erotic and pleasureable read! Astounding would be a rather mild understatement. Your metaphors and similes are pure pleasure of which to partake. Love is one of the most difficult of genres, but you have made that seem irrelevant. I did see a couple very minor things to suggest in this one:
In L2, "sunrise" should be one word, I think.
in sensuous warm
sleep scented skin - ["sleep-scented"]?
S6 is a wonder to behold; read aloud it simply excites all the cells within the reader [at least, this one]. :>)
I cannot see anything else to suggest, except to WRITE ON. Peace, and best wishes. wrl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-06-22 18:44:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.50000
Such a beautiful piece you have written here poet......the structure and word flow is superb.......it allows one's heart to find the beauty within the lines, to feel the passion exchanged between these two lovers who seem to have shared their life forever........to them at least......beauty in motion.......soft and tender yet hard and firm.......majestic at the same time....
sighs of contentment
luxuriance of snuggling
nakedness
wrapped together
in sensuous warm
sleep scented skin
sparks unanticipated
full-blooded arousal
of familiar galvanizing
the world awakens
but not in urgency
slowly
stretching like a lean cat
uncurling
from a favorite nook
I have often watched my Snowball as he awakens from his nap......slowly he stretches as he turns his head towards me..........over and over again poet you make this one dance with enjoyment of the twol.
Thanks for posting and sharing....be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-06-21 19:43:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Jana, first I love the subtle senuality and the languid tone of the poem. I enjoy how you appeal to all of the senses.
I would remove the word are in line three and but in the second line of the second stanza just to increase the conciseness.
I can't wait to see more of your work.
Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-06-21 14:22:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Jana,
Great to see you posting again! I'm at work so this will be short but I wanted you to know I've read and appreciated this piece. It feels almost like two poems here - one, the immediate sensual experience; the other, the contemplation of how two souls interrelate over time. My favorite stanzas for the "first" theme are 2 and 4 - wonderful tactile imagery there! I love the stretching cat. For the other theme, I most enjoy 6, 10, 11. The language in these has so much energy, and several excellent sonic combinations. Alliteration is used very well (not crazy about "torrid tryst", as it reminds me of a bodice-ripper novel, but it does suit the tone). I can certainly imagine those "sweat soaked silks" - great use of "k" which isn't always a consonant one hears much in combination, especially with that soft and sensual "s".
In the last line, do you need a possessive in "souls'"? I'm not sure of the intent in that line. A minion is either a royal favorite, or a servant. But I'm uncertain of what might constitute the minion of souls. Probably just my own misreading!
You write with a rich and varied texture of images and are never afraid to layer them for greater impact. This is a lush, vivid poem. It's your hallmark style and I've missed this for way too long.
Take Care,
Brenda
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