This Poem was Submitted By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2004-06-24 11:34:07 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Double Feature

Soft summer rains marked  morning sky, by eventide the clouds burst; ole Lickin’ River overran her banks covering countryside low lands, lapping high terraced Main Street sidewalks.  Not even massive belts of shaking thunder nor lightning cracks raging above flood waters competed with the chatter of children back at the screen  of the picture show. Oblivious, happy Matinee kids, now amazed;  eyes wide in wonder at what greeted us on the other side of the double doors of the theatre. Water risen within inches of the doorway, row boat transportation; where we walked earlier in the day. Street lights failed closing darkness around the little building.  Our names called, we saw a bright lantern swinging slowly to and fro. Our boat was waiting. Testing the water with first a big toe and then a  complete bare foot, wading toward a fishing boat,  commanded by your Dad, we climbed aboard in excitement, laughing giggling as he pushed  the boat out into the middle of the river street.  Sailing past the school house and around play ground toward home. Water rushed by carrying limbs of trees, pieces of lumber, a doghouse with a hound dog sitting on the roof and rubbish of all kinds, surging down stream.  Hot cocoa waiting in bright plastic mugs, warm blankets for snuggling It was a night to remember. In your bed of worms from duty’s call, your name embedded in  the wall….do you remember,  do you recall or am I alone with   these memories from childhood?

Copyright © June 2004 Jana Buck Hanks

Additional Notes:
One of the many flash floods in Salyersville, Magoffin County, Kentucky. This one is for Freddy.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-07-06 22:12:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.47170
Wonderful job. Quatrains full of outstanding images and alliteration. The surprise ending stanza tells me you lost a friend or acquaintance with whom you saw this "double feature", likely from military service. If so, I thank Freddy, and I'm sure he appreciates the elegy - and remembers, too. I see only one little thing to suggest, that "lowlands" I believe might be one word. Other than that, I'm leaving this one as is, and thanks for sharing what must be an emotional one for you. Peace. wrl


This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-07-01 00:44:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.38095
Jana, You are perhaps the surest way for me to get to the immortal 7 i so desperately crave. When i tell you that your poem worked, i get what, a 9 or 10? When i make an analogy to "intellectual farts," from "one bean eater to another" (guess you missed that part), i get a 3. You should get a sense of humor. I realize people use critiquer ratings as weapons here, but really. Extending the analogy, and in view of the topic, i mention diarhea here. 'Twould be doubly apt, both in the sense of "flash" and "flood." O yes, the poem. Not being Freddy, and not having the vested interest of extolling a shared memory, it was ok. Not diarhea. Nor a fart. Not even a burp. A nice mint after the fact. From one bean eater to another. Again. Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-06-28 08:42:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54545
Jana, the writting in this poem is nice and tight with no extraneous words anywhere. I like the directness and your discriptions which are vivid enough to allow the reader to feel as though they are there in the situation with you. In the last stanza we realize you are addressing this to a friend that you have lost-bed of worms-probably in vietnam-name embedded in the wall. These insights take the poem to a deeper more emotional level. good job with this. Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-06-26 16:05:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jana: You are back in full voice! I relished this poem like a gourmet meal, like a Saturday matinee in my own childhood. Your dedication to Freddy and the final stanza which addresses him lend a great poignancy to this work. I wonder if there is a companion piece in the works, about this individual? Your poem brought back many forgotten memories for me, though none as vivid as your boat ride home and comforting with hot chocolate. Your imagery and cadence are pure 'Jana' - that is to say, nourishing, full of wonder, full of appreciation and rather wild, appealing artistry! For example: Soft summer rains marked morning sky, by eventide the clouds burst; ole Lickin’ River overran her banks There really is a river by this name? Astonishing! The very name seems a metaphor for something both enjoyable and scary. "finger-lickin' good" comes to mind, as well as "I'm going to give you a lickin' you won't soon forget!" The beginning sibilance is grand, as are the sonorous music of "summer rains marked morning" with these 'er/ra/ar/or' sounds in abundance. covering countryside low lands, lapping high terraced Main Street sidewalks. Not even massive belts of shaking thunder A suggestion of fear in 'shaking thunder' -- suggests a childhood thrill for this reader! nor lightning cracks raging above flood waters competed with the chatter of children back at the screen It seems so natural, somehow, that children entranced by the movies could ignore all the racket of a thunder-and-lightning storm! of the picture show. Oblivious, --I love the old-fashioned term 'picture show' happy Matinee kids, now amazed; eyes wide in wonder at what greeted us on the other side of I really like the way you've enjambed these lines - I read excitedly on, still very connected with the poem from one strophe to the next. the double doors of the theatre. Water risen within inches of the doorway, row boat transportation; where we walked earlier in the day. Street lights failed closing darkness around the little building. Our names called, we saw a bright lantern swinging ---WONDERFUL! slowly to and fro. Our boat was waiting. Testing the water with first a big --this is absolutely magical, the enjambment and the imagery both toe and then a complete bare foot, wading toward a fishing boat, commanded by your Dad, Must be "Freddy" whose dad it is, but I thought you might have meant 'our' at first we climbed aboard in excitement, laughing(,) giggling as he pushed the boat out into the middle of the river street. Sailing past the school house and around play ground toward home. Oooh, in so many places you've woven in terrific sounds, like "around/ground" above for example. Water rushed by(,) carrying --maybe a comma here, for clarity? limbs of trees, pieces of lumber, a doghouse with a hound dog ----AMAZING!!!! sitting on the roof and rubbish of all kinds, surging down stream. Hot cocoa waiting in bright plastic mugs, warm blankets for snuggling It was a night to remember. I didn't miss the earthy 'g' sounds in "giggling/snuggling" or the euphonious u's in "lumber/rubbish/snuggling" either. So many poetics abound, in this narrative poem, that has a very surprising ending: In your bed of worms from duty’s call, your name embedded in the wall….do you remember, do you recall or am I alone with these memories from childhood? I was shaken a bit with the image "bed of worms" realizing that you were addressing someone long in the grave, "from duty's call, your name embedded in the wall"-- one lost in Vietnam evidently -- and then the internal rhymes -- "call/wall/recall" which seemed to add a deep tone of poignancy to the work. I don't want to suggest changing this, though it veers in two distinct directions - has a life of its own like "ole Lickin' River" and doesn't need my meddling! As is, fabulously done~~! Brava! Kudos for this adventure, your memories wrapped in delectable language and a fine tribute to one who shared the experience with you. May he rest in peace! All my best, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-06-25 15:36:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
A Thumbnail scetch in the life of a childs memory, and a grand recalling of a grevious matter to Adults but in the eyes of a child, a romantic fling with something entirely different. In the way of a child those flicks would be a wonderment in themselves allowing the child a part of their childhood memories. The highlight you so so deftly bring out in this piece allow one to see though a childs eyes, and is done with a precision that only one who's experienced this thumbnail situation would remember their lifetime long. Love the asbility to reminic Jana, and share theis experience from your youth....Great job!! Love and God Bless, Jo Morgan (aprevious neighbor who is greatful for your assistance, miss you)
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