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This Poem was Submitted By: Lynda G Smith On Date: 2004-07-07 23:42:10 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Grounded

A winged phalanx breasts the hill, and were I myself, four times or more, a titan, I could, with limbs outstretched, my fingers run through such down as heat a heart to comfort’s perfect state. With carving wings, the shavings of spring air doppler my ear with before and now and farthest thrust, to dust my memory with longing. Were I among their numbers, flanked by form and sergeant’s chevron, I should, with blush of spirit stand that tall, the ‘V’ of victory my seasoned song. I kiss the air, a covenant upon my lips, to live each breath, a measure of such consequence.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-07-22 20:56:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93333
A wonderful flight down a page. Your alliteration and staccato lines make this poem fly of its own accord. I believe this to be a tribute to those with wings, and an excellent one, too. I see nothing I could suggest for improvement. Thanks for sharing. Peace. wrl

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-07-15 14:14:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Lynda: This poem is breath-taking! I could not help think immediately of Nike, the Greek goddess of victory, and the statue "Winged Victory of Samothrace." "A winged phalanx -- armed infantry, or birds, are both suggested to this reader breasts the hill" As a reader, I am entranced with the imagery of becoming "four times/or more, a titan: who could "with limbs outstretched" run fingers through "such down/as heat a heart" to "comfort's perfect state." With carving wings, the shavings of spring air doppler my ear ---exquisite use of "doppler" as a verb with before and now and farthest thrust, to dust my memory with longing. Reader the lines above, and thinking of the title, "Grounded" I am musing that the speaker has somehow lost the ability to 'fly' - at least figuratively, or perhaps literally. The auditory imagery is sublime, and especially as it connects with "before and now." What is the present state of the speaker, who reflects such intense longing? Sounds are handled with a rare lyricism -- "thrust/dust", "carving/shaving" and "flanked by form" are examples of your poetic crafting which simply sends me into an altered state. Were I among their numbers, flanked by form and sergeant’s chevron, -- symbolic 'roof' or highest point in a building, thus honorarium I should, with blush of spirit stand that tall, the ‘V’ of victory my seasoned song. The sense of pride in accomplishment, courage and bravery are strong here. What is the victory that the speaker would celebrate? Is it the sense of purpose and willingness to act selflessly? I kiss the air, a covenant upon my lips, to live each breath, a measure of such consequence. I can't help but think that your final lines, promising "to live each breath" fully, as a "measure of such consequence" are written in gratitude for those who raised the 'V' of victory to secure this nation's freedom in WWII. There is also the strong impression given that the speaker desires to live fully in the moment, aware of extreme gratitude for life, though "grounded" because of the cost with which life has been secured. The poem makes me feel grateful to be living now, to enjoy the freedoms won at great cost, and to make my own "covenant" of appreciation and commitment. I hope I haven't strayed too far from your intent for this inspiring work. Brava! Superbly done. All my best, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-07-09 12:37:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I kiss the air, a covenant upon my lips, to live each breath, a measure of such consequence. ------------ And I I mark the page wherin such glories live as poetry as wise as this Amazing and wonderful poem A winged phalanx breasts [great,greatne coined verb] the hill,[- and] [W]ere I myself, four times or more, a titan, I could [or perhaps it should be -"I could not?"] with limbs outstretched, my fingers run through such down [amazing] as heat a heart to comfort’s perfect state. [indeed] With carving wings, the shavings of spring air doppler [ahhhhh] my ear with before and now and farthest thrust, to dust my memory [I am amazed by this fresh language ] with longing. Were I among their numbers, flanked by form and sergeant’s chevron, I should, with blush of spirit [incredible phrasemaking] stand that tall, the ‘V’ of victory my seasoned song. [yes yes!] I kiss the air, a covenant upon my lips, to live each breath, a measure of such consequence.

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