This Poem was Submitted By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2004-07-11 17:29:59 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Lickin' River A meadow of wildflowers comes
and goes in the shadow of my mind.
My path becomes a sandy road
shaded with overhanging willow
trees, weeping along a shallow
stream. Barefoot Spirit children
pat the soft dirt, drawing designs
in toe prints, playing with pebbles.
Green snakes slither
in the grass to hide. Walking,
we listen to the almost slow motion
songs of the birds in high
branches. Rainfall, the ruler
of the river, decrees either dried up
creek or raging torrent tearing
at its banks, sleeps. Today is placid
and memories are brightly shining
as we tiptoe across the rocks
of Lickin’ river
placed beneath
my feet.
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Copyright © July 2004 Jana Buck Hanks
Additional Notes:
The sandy bottom river road at Dixie, Salyersville, Magoffin County, Kentucky....my Granny Salyer used to bring me to the curve in the road to play in the sand and throw rocks into the docile river during the summers when I was a wee girl. It is one of my most pleasant childhood memories. The river has now been re-routed, so this section where I played remains a sandy creek with stepping stones to the meadow where the cows graze. Flash floods are a thing of the past.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-08-06 10:56:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56250
Dear Jana,
Even before I read your notes I could see the ‘memory’ quality of this poem clearly. Until, I read your notes, I feared that this place is now gone. I felt a huge sense of relief when I read that this place is still there and better then ever.
My family lived in a tiny town for five years when I was a kid. We moved back to the city when I was 10. I was about 27 years old when I went back to that tiny town. I wish I hadn’t. It had changed so much that my memory of what it was is tainted by what it has become.
After reading this poem, I don’t think I’d be wrong to think that this place is also held in your heart and when you need a sanctuary, you still visit this place in your mind. I’m so glad that this wonderful place exists in both places and now in my mind as well. Thank you for sharing your special place with me. I feel inspired to write about my special place.
Have a great weekend,
Kay-Ren
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-08-03 14:08:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Re: "Lickin' River"
What an engaging tale, well set in three line stanzas.
Writer: "in the shadow of my mind.
My path becomes a sandy road
shaded with overhanging willow
trees, weeping along a shallow
stream." *** Oh my, but this imagery does lovely things toward evoking peace in
themind of an older reader's . Good work!
Writer: "to the almost slow motion
songs of the birds in high
branches." *** The songs of the birds are driven to slow motion, certainly by
the heat of the day. It's pure poetry.
Thank you for the enjoyable posting.
Len McIntosh
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-07-25 17:57:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jana:
I am celebrating your poetry today. It deserves champagne, but alas I have only
black raspberry Talking Rain. Still, I hold a glass to salute you -- Cheers! This
is the second of your poems I've responded to today. I've read this one at least
ten or fifteen times. It thrills me every time, still. (In my view, repetition
of good things increases the pleasure.) I know I said I expect to see "Atelier"
on the Winner's List. But I expect to see this one in the top ten. At the end
of the voting period. Reasons? I love it, so other people will, too. I think it
is a poet's poem. By that I mean, you have perfected metaphor. Your word-crafting,
your diction, your imagery are all splendiferous.
A meadow of wildflowers comes
and goes in the shadow of my mind.
My path becomes a sandy road
shaded with overhanging willow
trees, weeping along a shallow
stream. Barefoot Spirit children
[I feel as though I am interrupting something sacred to place my comments at
the side - so I will whisper them in brackets. For example, the alliteration
of 'w' sounds in "meadow/wildflowers/shadow/willow/weeping/shallow/walking/we"
creates an ambience like gentle breath. I feel safe in this poem, to walk
beside the poet, along the path which "becomes a sandy road" and observing
the willow trees "weeping along a shallow stream". This is magnificent,
Jana. Magical.]
pat the soft dirt, drawing designs
in toe prints, playing with pebbles.
Green snakes slither
[I felt perfectly safe. I still feel perfectly safe, though snakes are often
feared, they are also the symbol of healing. Of transformation and resurrection.
Of shedding an old persona for a new one.]
in the grass to hide. Walking,
we listen to the almost slow motion
songs of the birds in high
[Here, if I were not already completely captivating, I would be engulfed by
the exquisite imagery, the auditory bliss of songs of the "birds on high."]
branches. Rainfall, the ruler
of the river, decrees either dried up
creek or raging torrent tearing
[Rainfall has always given me what others might consider 'cheap thrills' -- I
don't care. It is a powerful force, or a lullin one, and as you show, it is
the "rainfall" of life that "decrees either dried up/creek or raging torrent."
You have shared openly and honestly the effects of your emotional ups and downs,
and I think that that is why this poem speaks so authentically.]
at its banks, sleeps. Today is placid
and memories are brightly shining
as we tiptoe across the rocks
of Lickin’ river
placed beneath
my feet.
Your additional notes suggest another poem. I would love to 'meet' your Granny
Salyer, for her granddaughter's poetry speaks to my heart.
Magnificent! Applause, and bouquets of wildflowers tossed. I remember another
poem of yours which included lilacs, so some of those, as well. Brava!
My very best, always
Joanne
PS One of the finest titles I've seen. Thank you for the journey!
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-07-18 22:59:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
You have a truly unique style. Don't lose it. Your poem abounds with sight,sound, and sensual
stuff too numerous to mention. A nice throw-back to your youth. Ah those lazy days of summer
as a youth. I remember growing up in the city and my parents rented a summer cottage. Can you
imagine my first trip to an out house? Thanks for sharing this wonderful story.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-07-12 11:25:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh Jana....such beauty in motion, peaceful and calming and what joy your little heart must have felt when your grandma took you to this very special place.........reminds me of a few times when I went to the ocean and the tides were going out and how the sand went through one's toes and the feeling of being one with the universe....does not take much when one has a great imagination and your piece is so well constructed, the words just take hold of your hand and guide your own little feet to the place where you are.....love the sight of the wild flowers and over hanging willows and the green snakes and how they slither off into the grass......not to harm you but their own safety........when we have such a place as a child and return to find it once more in adult life it usually is never there or so changed it is hard to see but thank God for those memories we keep in the lining of our hearts........and thank you for your good thoughts with my cardio probolems......I've had 14 heart attacks, one silent one, open heart surgery with new aortic valve and triple by pass....I have COPD, Acid Reflux, Emphesema, neuropathies in both legs, and I am losing my eyesight but there is nothing I need or want....the Lord is good to me and walks with me each day. I so enjoy your work though so please keep them coming. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-07-11 19:41:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Beautiful reminder of pleasant days, well told with excellent images and cadence. The line breaks and truncation really dress up this nice piece of work, Jana. I enjoyed this immensely, and cannot improve on it - and, I so want to find something to complain about, so I can feel I am accomplishing something, or helping someone. It's getting so difficult with all the fine poets here now. If I simply enjoy myself, I feel a little greedy or selfish. :>) Thanks for posting this beauty. Peace. wrl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-07-11 18:31:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Jana, lovely poem the imagery is wonderful, detailed and specific so the scene builds and unfolds for the reader with new detail added with every line. Also the soft l, w and s sounds inthe poem create an added layer of sensousness just with the loveliness of their sounds. These childhood memories often have a quality of universalness as we all have some memory tied to the earth and to nature that is invoked by poems like this even if our memories are different the sense of nostalgia and connection are the same. Nice job with this poem. Sandra
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