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This Poem was Submitted By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-07-16 20:37:47 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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periwinkles

around my ankles the periwinkle blossoms almost overnight

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-08-05 15:24:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Wayne, You can almost feel them touch. You have a unique ability to arrange words. Most enjoyable for me. I like the non-capitalization. Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-08-04 18:34:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.15000
Re: "periwinkles" I am often amazed at the capable du tout image in the mere seventeen syllables of a well-written haiku poem. This is one of those poems. Writer: "around my ankles the periwinkle blossoms almost overnight" I would ask the author to please check the following: the title of the work is given in its plural form; yet, in the body the flower is described as singular. Is it expressed this way for a reason? If not, is it possible it's creating an unintended contrast? It may be worth a look. Thank you for the post, I enjoyed it. Len McIntosh

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-07-31 00:02:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.18182
such a delicate touch....but could have a macabre twist...are those ankles six feet under? or just a lazy spring day and flowers on hormones....one could go several directions with this...at least this crazy mind could....clothed in blossoms either way...a happy thought

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-07-21 16:41:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wayne--What nice imagery this simple concise verbiage conjures up (IMO). I myself have plants I dote on, but not one of them give of their colors this easily. Of course this nature themed piece is properly formated (5-7-5 syllables/3 lines). Your haiku posts are fast becoming one of my favorite reads. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-07-18 21:22:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Wayne, It's good to see haikus are participating in the site once again. I liked your subject and the "colors" and the "fragrance" are just blossoming. True to the structure and native rule of haiku, you captured that "true" moment for us to enjoy! "periwinkles" - these are beauties...thanks for a wonderful morning ('til evening) greetings! Enjoyed much! As always, Erzahl :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-07-17 14:50:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wayne: This is a fine gem of a haiku. Here, Poet, you expertly lead the reader's perception of the rhythm of the periwinkle's blossoming "almost overnight" into what is your own 'cadence' of perception. You build to the effect of startling periwinkle blossoms appearing around the speaker's ankles and sweep us into the moment's realization. Somehow, below our threshold of awareness, especially of the passage of time, things are developing. We become aware instantaneously, or 'almost' so, and are surprised, awakened. It's especially lovely to be awakened by beauty. Somehow, you've gathered the loveliness of the periwinkle's delicate beauty and astonishing swiftness of appearance and gathered us into a rare delight. If we but look, you seem to show us here, we, too, may see unexpected grace. Who could ask for anything more? Wonder-ful in every respect. Bravo! My best to you, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-07-17 12:18:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
HI Wayne, Both your poems were at the top of my list this morning and what a treat. Standing ankle deep in periwinkles...what a beautiful image that conjures up in my mind. I love flowers but I am not usually ankle deep in them in my yard but many times in the mountains. If we have a wet winter and wet spring the wild flowers are abundant and it is easy to find a spot where they are ankle deep and sometimes knee deep. You may remember me talking about our drought last summer. But praise the Lord this summer we have actually had some rain...not a lot but enough to help some of the grasses to make a come back. Another lovely haiku....keep it up! Peace....Marilyn

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