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This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-07-26 17:12:15 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Saying Good-Bye at the Seaside Cafe

“Do people drown?” “All the time. Riptide!” “Oh.” “Do you want more coffee?” This great grave mother sea is a mistake to underestimate. Tillamook Lighthouse, farewell! ‘Till next time, then, deep blue. You, heavy as slate, fearsome as Fate, holding up a wandering sky. So long, hot sand on tender feet, wayward wooden steps, flights to small stuffy shops with sticky treats. Where periphery of land meets edge of sea-- why does the verge of things pull so incessantly? Soaring gulls, be well. Happy brave dog of the waves, come home with me.

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-08-03 19:51:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.04348
Endless summer be gone...bring on the ice, and sleet, and snow...Yuck! Give me the warm (most of the time)coast that I live on now. I do not miss the minus 40's and 50's. Liked your more than silly opening. Sounds like something my grand-children would say. I really liked the line about "the periphery..." Good one. Won't you miss the smell of the ocean? You didn't mention that. Thanks for posting.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-07-31 19:19:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70968
Joanne, great action to introduce the reader to this nice piece of work. The conversation works as a magnetic force to draw one into it. [No, I didn't mean into the sea. :>)] This is so full of allits and assonance I won't itemize, but it is well done. I see only two things, and one is the "'Till" beginning L8. Unless it has only one "l", I think the apostrophe is not needed, for it is a short version of "until" and the apostrophe would replace the "un", so why add an extra "l"? Had to find something, my friend, or I wouldn't be me. :>) Nice read, write. The other thing is that this line: "Where periphery of land meets edge of sea--" caused me to hesitate, trying to add some articles, but they would make it too long, so maybe it would be a little smoother to change to "Where periphery of land meets the sea"? just a thought. In other words, "edge" would be quite implied by their meeting, and it seems IMO a little unnecessary. Other than this, I find absolutely no fault. Nice work, and thought-provoking because the sea can be many things - from a calm and peaceful beauty to an angry, violent turmoil. It has claimed many, and I could have imagined this piece to lead to a disaster when reading the central portion, but it seems that the subject[s] just visited, said "so long" and went their way to return again another day. I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing. wrl

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2004-07-28 16:58:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hey Joanne! I have read this one several times and still cannot get rid of the feeling that the juxtaposition of the conversation....having to do with the title of the cafe....and the rest of the poem, does not work well. I think the portion below the coffee stuff....works wonderfully alone, starting with: This great grave mother sea is a mistake to underestimate then work in the seaside cafe...like you are standing looking from the window or porch...saying goodbye. Hope this makes sense... Bright Blessings Jana

This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-07-27 00:55:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Joanne, What a wonderful contemplative piece of poetry you’ve created here. If you remember, I felt another of your poems was a good ending to sum up your trip. I have to change my mind. This was is much better. I would love the chance to look at them all together in a book. This part: -------------------------- “Do people drown?” “All the time. Riptide!” “Oh.” “Do you want more coffee?” This great grave mother sea is a mistake to underestimate. ------------------------ Seemed totally different and separate from the rest of your poem. It alluded to me that you gained more respect for the ocean during this time. _______ Tillamook Lighthouse, farewell! (Tillamook gave me a thrill because I was there on a family vacation when I was about 8 years old. My parents bought me a red beret that I loved) ‘Till next time, then, deep blue. You, heavy as slate, fearsome as Fate, holding up a wandering sky. (This passage makes me feel the lighthouse. I almost feel that if it weren’t stationed there, then there wouldn’t be anything else.) So long, hot sand on tender feet, wayward wooden steps, flights to small stuffy shops with sticky treats. (I get the feeling from this part that you didn’t really enjoy shopping. That’s okay. I really don’t like to shop, either.) Where periphery of land meets edge of sea-- why does the verge of things pull so incessantly? Soaring gulls, be well. Happy brave dog of the waves, (I LOVED this phrase, ‘brave dog of the waves.) come home with me. I miss the ocean so much. I used to be a surfer and I can feel your longing to keep the ocean in your life. Have you ever seen a storm at sea? My dad took us, one summer, to see a summer storm. It was incredible. This poem made me feel the majesty and the pull of the ocean again. I miss it with you, because of this poem. Thank you. Kay-Ren

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-07-27 00:26:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Joanne--The plain language conversational beginning belies the poignancy of this piece. The peace, charm and captivating presence of your getaway place is readily descripted in a combination of allits (great grave;wayward wooden; small stuffy shops with sticky treats) and rimes(mistake/unerestimate; slate/fate; feet/treats; sea/incesstantly/me; brave/waves). This verbiage create a vivid image of this seaside retreat and produce a nice ebb and flow. Thanks for sharing a unique pen of what must have been a bittersweet leaving from this quasi- utopian spot. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-07-26 18:22:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
More then a good-bye here, sensation, memories that remain and will tug at the memories, the poem is farewell, fond adieu but only until next time. I like the way you stress the power of the ocean and the nuances that all seashores seem to consist of, wood aged and worn, one developes the smell of the sea and that's what this poem related for me. It may be a long time before returning but the vista that one retains automatically effects the visual and sensetory organs, the sun, the sand hot against the soles of the feet. It's great because this poem captures all the different oceans, from East to West there is a sameness isn't there in how the sea presents itslf and all the sense that drive toward the soul of the viewer. I've been to the coastlines in Oregon, to California. the Eastern coast from Maine to Florida, and I bet if I were to reventure to these spots, the actual sea and shorelines with the different strengths of the ocean would automatically return. I thin while I'm there of the power of God, he created and he maintains us in harmony with the planets, he manifests the destiny of the seas to reat and repeat again, and probably the seas were the same for peoples right through the ages, it never changes, it may go haywire at times, it may be serene at times, but it always go back to form, with sea bleached structures, and everything that comes in contact. It just leaves those memories. If someone has had the opportunity to sit quietly and muse, or do whatever, it always remains constant. Heck of a job Joanne, you have managed to catch all the feelings, and how every individual enjoys the experience....Like the poem a lot....Love, Jo

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