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This Poem was Submitted By: G. Donald Cribbs On Date: 2004-08-09 21:08:36 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Conception

My lips against yours like every vow promised, curled around its finger's namesake. We flicker amidst fireplace flames as hot as passion peeling distances in a swirling of bedclothes. Reclining against each other we plunge into the eternal, our souls bathed in good sweat. We are reliving the embrace that charged us to the water's edge, giddy, desire welling up like laughter, our tongues gasping at the shore of our mouths. Long drenched before coming to our senses, we climb back up the shoreline away from risen tide. Now we surface like flowers pressing supine shoots against the earth's underbelly, shuddering as it reaches the sun's radiance. We are like Jacob, who wrestled God, stunned his hip went out of its socket. Our eyes burst open like stars clustered and eager to put on flesh.

Additional Notes:
This poem was written after my wife and I found out we were expecting the first time around. That said, we are expecting our second child at the end of March 2005. Nostalgia brought me to post this in it's honor, and to share the news with all of you. We are thrilled and eagerly await the arrival of our second child. Congratulations to many of you who have shared similar news, and or recent births. Let us all share our joy together! (Perhaps you might like to write a poem on this subject too?)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-09-05 22:26:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Hi Don, What a poem! Those last two lines are remarkable, without a doubt among the most memorable I've read recently. So is the whole piece ... your line break after "coming" is to die for. The many uses of "wet" imagery work on multiple levels, to suggest the original act of divine creation and to imply the physical initiation of this new human life. Then there's the evolutionary parallel, the crawling-up onto land of animals abandoning the sea and acquiring limbs, much as embryos in the amniotic ocean develop from tiny gilled beings to fully-formed babies. We are reliving the embrace that charged us to the water's edge, giddy, desire welling up like laughter, our tongues gasping at the shore of our mouths. Long drenched before coming to our senses, we climb back up the shoreline away from risen tide. This passage is superbly enjambed and the imagery recreates, for me, the primal beginnings, with great use of an orgasmic sort of diction. The aftermath of desire is the title word. Congrats on your news and its implications for your growing family. This poem is so fresh and vital! No wonder you wanted to share it with us on this momentous occasion. My very best wishes. Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-08-29 16:34:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Magnificent tribute to your wife and to the coming birth of your child. Congratulations! My lips against yours like every vow promised, curled around its finger's namesake. 'namesake" seems a beat too long for this lovely passage We flicker amidst fireplace flames as hot as passion[,] peeling distances in a swirling of bedclothes. wonderful Reclining against each other we plunge into the eternal, our souls bathed in good sweat. fresh use of image and a sensory delight We are reliving the embrace that charged us to the water's edge, giddy, desire welling up to the highest purpose -yes like laughter, our tongues gasping at the shore of our mouths. Long drenched before coming I love the way tyou sustain this water metaphor to our senses, we climb back up the shoreline away from risen tide. Now we surface like flowers pressing supine shoots against the earth's underbelly, shuddering as it reaches the sun's radiance. We are like Jacob, WOW who wrestled God, stunned his hip went out of its socket. Our eyes burst open like stars clustered and eager to put on flesh. yes yes - and to invite a whole new life into the bliss. Incredible piece.

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-08-27 20:08:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Well congratulations to you both. A wonderful way to share this event starting with a very private view which you cared to open to us. I liked the way you ended the 5th stanza on the word "coming." Well done in that respect. I am not quite sure about the inclusion of Jacob here but I'll accept it. Once again, thanks for posting this interesting piece. P.S.: I'm not sure which poem I liked better...Maunday Thursday or this one.

This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-08-22 18:23:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.33333
clustered and eager to put on flesh. That line really got me, sounds like it will be a stellar birth, not sure about any changes i would make, although i thought the third set was to ordinary until i hit the third line the good sweat part brought it back to the moment at hand very well, thanks for letting me read

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-08-16 14:20:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Don, I questioned the "like Jacob" and the comparison of wrestling with God with what the "we" are up to in this poem. Since I think Christians have read Jacob's ladder as a figure for the Incarnation, I guess there is something to an analogy between Jacob's experience of the Almighty and human experience of romantic passion - to your credit I DO get the sense of much more than sex going on here. Once again, your notes "cushion" my brain against the concrete of my dissent. I don't know precisely what bothers me. I mean, i've often used such figures myself (i.e, a comparison of human "love" with the divine-human encounter), but i get an intuitive sense of this not being quite right. But I do understand, as I intimated, that the use of such a figure can be justified and indeed defended as entirely appropriate. I don't know what it is about this one which throws me off my game a bit. Otherwise, great poem from a great explorer of human experience. Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-08-15 11:51:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Thank you for the wonderful tribute to an approaching miracle, Don. Congratulations on both accomplishments. The poem speaks with imagery seldom seen, and assonance and alliteration are tools with which you have achieved a rhythmic and flowing read. The punctuation is what steers me through this piece, because without it, I might have wandered astray in a couple places. For instance: We are reliving the embrace that charged us to the water's edge, giddy, desire welling up like laughter, our tongues gasping at the shore of our mouths. The enjambment that stretches from verse to verse seems to cause hesitation for me often. So, I wonder if it is sometimes better to use it sparingly. Maybe, if the poem were in continuum instead of tercets, it might read a little clearer - not that it is not a wonderful piece of work. The opening stanza left me a little puzzled, maybe because I am not familiar with your subject matter?? My lips against yours like every vow promised, curled around its finger's namesake. I seem to wonder: what is the finger's namesake around which the vow is curled? - or am I way off, and merely confused? These are the only problems I had, and I did enjoy it, notwithstanding my confusion. Again, I congratulate you and your wife, and hope the blessed event comes and goes without a hitch. Thanks for sharing.wrl

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-08-10 13:12:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Don: It is much easier to critique "poor" poetry than that of a talented, experienced poet. There are no gaffes to list, no call for corrections. All of this is good, of course, but I never feel I have done anything helpful except act like a cheerleader. I guess cheerleaders have their places, too. Your first tercet has a lovely simile and "lips against lips" is a special way to share the welcome news of a baby's presence. I've always believed infants in fetal phase understand matters so I was always careful what I said when pregnant. A friend of mine played music to her unborn child. Flicker/fireplace/flames and passion/peeling does what good allits are supposed to do. The sound is fricative then plosive...a frenzy of lovemaking as celebration and thanksgiving. Our senses are now fully engaged by your poetics. The following tercets show your remembering the likely time of conception and your sea metaphors are splendid. Thus far, two phrases really strike me: "our souls bathed in good sweat" and "our tongues gasping at the shore of our mouths." The simile of flowers pressing againt the underground to reach the sun's rays is lovely. Somehow "supine" doesn't sound right to my ear albeit the word matches and harmonizes with the other sibilant sounds. A really ideosyncratic matter. You end with another fresh and unique simile: "Our eyes burst open like stars clustered and eager to put on flesh." A conception of a child is of such enormity that stars are envious. My words here but your poem made me think of that. If this poem celebrated your first child's beginning, it was a beautiful tribute and we are waiting for the poem in March when baby Cribbs arrives. My hearty congratulations for your news of a second bairn and best wishes to your wife who likely feels doubly blessed. A quite evocative poem which I really enjoyed. Best wishes, Mell

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