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This Poem was Submitted By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2004-08-30 11:03:42 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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1 (Emerald)

white sand emerald water serene sandpipers soothing sea-shelled seagrass

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-09-02 19:46:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Sounds like a beautiful tropical get away...a post card in words...Is this a series? I wonder about the 1? And the emerald....perhaps a greener sea than tropical, such as that of the marine rich that of the North? Either way, a delightful description of the sea shore, my favorite place to be. Take care...

This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-09-01 18:54:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Jana, This is a fun Haiku. It is almost a tongue twister, too. I liked the rising use of the letter S as the words progressed. It reminded me of a riptide pulling me into the sea. Thank you for the smile. Kay-Ren

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-08-31 20:07:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
The image of "white sand emerald water" is indeed, beautiful. Apparently it even efects the sandpipers - giving a peace they are really note noted for. They in turn pass this new-found tranquility on to the seagrass. Isn't it remarkable what image-packed, colorful poem can do? :) Nice piece of work, Jana. Thanks for posting. Len McIntosh

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-08-31 17:31:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jana: Incredible contrasts and 'word music' here make this a poem which gives me chills. "Emerald" seems exactly the right title for this, because the color is green, as is the feeling. Reading this is a bit like experiencing synthesthesia for myself. I wonder if you have this ability (I suspect that you do) because the poem transmits it! WONDERFUL!! Can't wait to read your other one. Best always, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-08-31 16:09:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Jana, this is really good. I like your use of color to show this scene it helps to put me right in the picture. The alliteration of s sounds works in this short poem even thought it might not work as well in a longer one. Nice job.Sandra

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-08-31 08:27:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Congratulations poet you have captured yet another Haiku or as some feel a form of Japanese poetry ..........see, my brain eventually catches up with me. Still, the beauty you set forth is breathtaking the white same emerald water wants me to hurry off to the ocean and walk barefoot along the beaches shoreline allowing the sandpipers and here in New England those seagulls to walk beside me..... soothing is the right word for this adventure and again I thank you for posting this. Eagerly looking forward to more of your work in this form. God Bless, be safe, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-08-30 11:20:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.02174
Nice contrast in the first line of the colors of sand and water, I can see them meeting and the sandpipers of the second running along the waves mixing with seagrass. nice change of 6-5-6 as opposed to the oft used 7-5-7 while still maintaning 17 syllables. A pretty picture, reminds me I didn't go to the beach enough this summer. Thanks for letting me read it.

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