This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2004-09-10 10:10:37 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Creating and Dating

Mystery in history  blissfully  missing me  listening . . .  Night Sounds  looking round  life unfolds  the air molds  my being  to what you perceive  Can you believe  What I'm seeing? Building  gradually  growing  mindfully  restless   you caress  my skin  your lips thin  pulled tight  no fight.   Watching  catching  glances and  stances  gathering  smothering  loving  moving  on from here  whispers  in my ear  whiskers  tickle me  shivers  fickle be.  One last chance  one last dance  grooving beat  "Gee, they sound neat"  on their feet  his hands are dancing  as I am glancing  round once again.  Musicians and writers  where've we been  all-nighters  creating and  dating a spark of  The Art.

Copyright © September 2004 Mandie J Overocker

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-10-03 12:44:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Amanda, The poem's sonic elements truly make it original and effective. Your use of rhyme is just delightful! whispers in my ear whiskers tickle me shivers fickle be. Even the slant rhyme of whispers/whiskers/shivers is beautifully incorporated. "Tickle me/fickle be" is great! Thge whol epoem is superbly playful and those very short lines add to the effect (usually, I'm not a fan of such brevity, so for me to appreciate it here is a huge compliment, believe it or not). One last chance one last dance grooving beat "Gee, they sound neat" on their feet his hands are dancing as I am glancing round once again. There's tremendous energy in your writing. It spills enthusiastically from line to line like a kitchen party full of fiddle music. The guy with the dancing hands could be lover or writer, embracing or typing. In the end, good art arises from our own passions. The exuberance of the dance lends itself well to the act of artistic creation. That final "spark" is like the Genesis idea, the beginning of an amazing new entity. In the old days, when a couple were courting it was called "sparking", so that word adds another level to the idea of "dating". The writer courts his/her Muse and then is committed to what s/he does. Love the poem ... great fun, and very insightful. Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2004-10-02 06:23:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Amanda, this is a cute poem, and it's a very refreshing read after checking out some of the more complex poetry this month. It felt grest not to have to decipher much of anything, but to be able to read and follow a great poetic thought. I loved the brief lines which made the poem a treasure right down to the end, and you do capture the things that we poets and writers live in every line. I think the title also was a good choice. Within the poem you seem to play on the words and the sounds that they make, and that's what makes this piece work so well. We get bits and pieces of rhyme, alliteration, etc. as the lines unfold. There's a sense that we're coming "down" from some wonderful place as you read this poem. Again, something else that can be attributed to the experience of being an artist. No one understands our times like we do. This was a delightful poem. Thanks for sharing in on TPL this month. Great job. Latorial
This Poem was Critiqued By: Amour Stakwi'a Dresbach On Date: 2004-09-28 20:28:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I reread this a couple of times and I found that it has good ideas in it. I like how it takes you from the physical to what is behind the physical. It captures an essence of what is understood by writers, musicians, artists, and even actors. By the title, I had expected it to be about making babies and the difficulties of the dating scene, but I found something else here and I enjoyed it.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Robert Wyma On Date: 2004-09-18 13:46:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
I really enjoy this style Amanda, tight, rhyming and prose mixed well together and especially the empty spaces. The empty places, or sparcity allow me to project into the poem and take it on imaginatively to place where I think I understand the poem. So often the reader cannot become the poet, because we overwrite. This is clearly not the case with your poem. I feel the tension as these two characters meet and discover, and the personal boundries that eventually collapse in the joy of discovery, especially with a kindred spirit. Well done. Thanks for sharing. Robert
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-09-11 20:35:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Amanda, I don't believe I have read your work before but I am glad I didn't miss this one. Young lovers...what a wonderful subject to write about. You have done a good job of capturing the essence of love making and, to me, the form you used to pen this piece just makes it more compelling. The 3rd stanza was the most sensual of all and could easily stand on its own! Very well done...I enjoyed every word. Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-09-10 13:42:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.66667
love or the anticipation of it is agreat creative force, I know it is for me. Your poem flow wells I think; Building gradually growing mindfully restless you caress my skin your lips thin pulled tight no fight. This line does it good. Thanks for letting me read and comment.
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