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This Poem was Submitted By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2004-09-13 11:53:07 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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3 Late Summer

Autumn kisses the green trees White butterflies lilt Black-eyed Susans nod their heads

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2004-09-26 11:29:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Such a wonderful autumn poem. I am sure there is a term for this form, I always call it a Ukiah (Haiku reversed). Each word is measured and illicits it's expected response. The "butterflies lits" sets up the "Black-eyed Susans" nodding. When reading the obvious meaning of this, I read it again and again, and being fifty, I also read my life in the comfortable "autumness" of this piece. So much a pleasure. Thank you for sharing, it is on my voting list. One of the best short verse I have read of this type. Tony

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-09-15 15:10:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Autumn has already kissed some of the green trees and it saddens me so to think of the end of Summer but you know fall/Autumn in New England is a festive time of the year with its hay rides, apple picking times, foliage, candy apples, etc., and indeed you seem to have it captured within this Haiku as well.......those large Black Eye Susans that have stood so stately and tall now hang their heads not in shame but they too in sorrow they have to leave for another year......and the butterflies.....so lovely to watch dancing all summer long from one flower to the next will too fade from our view......perfect structure, rhythm/beat.......good job my friend. Thanks for posting, sharing this beauty of nature....God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-09-14 03:16:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Jana--This must be another of those pieces inspired by your trip to Florida-smile. Nonliteral verbiage (personification of autumn; butterflies; and black-eyed Susans) produces vivid imagery of a great "Late Summer." A small suggestion if this intended as a Japanese verse (haiku): SUGGESTION ONLY!! white but-ter-flies lilt (5 syllables) black-eyed Su-sans nod their heads (7 syllables) au-tumn kisses (the) green trees (5 syllables) As you see IMO, this arrangemnet of your words/lines create a different flow toward that "late Summer" or early "autumn" while still keeping the 5-7-5 syllable requirement. On the other hand, you may not be calling this a Haiku. And, in that case yours is a neat concise/brief little ditty that still works. Thanks for sharing your peninsula im- pression(s). TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-09-13 15:02:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.95000
The first thing that struck me was are the Black-eyed Susans nodding in agreement or are they nodding off asleep, In agreement with the butterflies and trees , After all I think just about everybody loves an autumn kiss. Thanks for letting me read and comment. I enjoyed it.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-09-13 12:11:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jana: I love your newest (to me) haiku. Here the trees have been "kissed" as well, so that the tops of some are red and gold. I saw this for the first time yesterday, as if overnight, the season has changed. Your white butterflies lilt, as if their dance still celebrates the continuity of life, while "Black-eyed Susans" nod their heads in a sleepy way, anticipating that withdrawal into somnolence that most flowers begin at the end of summer/early fall, at least in the northern latitudes. You welcome it, and us, with this lovely poem, which implies that the later parts of life are as lovely as the earlier ones, if only we are open to the possibilities. Kudos! My best always, Joanne

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