This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-10-10 18:46:04 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Moon haiku #2

  Fickle half-moon smile   beaming with reflected light   stolen from the sun   

Copyright © October 2004 Joanne M Uppendahl

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-11-06 20:06:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80769
Joanne, Well, I see why you need to have more then one Mooon Haiku. One for each phase with a different personification for each! This is great! Your first Moon Haiku was scrumptious, and this one has a dramatically diverse perspective and yet shines brilliantly. "Fickle half-moon smile"--you make me laugh! Does the moon know something I don't? HA! "beaming with reflected light"--Ahhh, the moon is rather proud of himself. "stolen from the sun"--and with good cause. He stole the light from the sun, who actually didn't even miss it! And you stole my heart with this one! I envy this talent for Haiku. Well, I have to go and read Moon Haiku# 3! More comming, Jen

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-11-01 22:24:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Joanne, Another excellent execution of this lovely subject “Moon”. Again, not the fullness of its face but the half of it, which is the smiling one – I enjoyed this a lot! “stolen from the sun” – yes, this compelling line is the highlight of the haiku. This took my breath away…very true yet unforgettable. As if there is a story behind of this short lines, on why it was smiling…is it because it benefited from something else like the sun and the witty “stolen from the sun” just ended this splendidly. Thank you for entertaining us with different flavor and taste of such subject. You have a thousand eyes when it comes to inspirations. I’m glad you seen this one for us to share! As always, Erzahl :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-10-25 12:10:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Stolen from ... something else.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2004-10-23 14:00:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Joanne, Your series of haiku's seem to feed off of each other, or maybe that is what happens when nature and life coalesces symbiotically. I always have to be careful with your choice of opening lines and wording, miss them, and you miss the picture. “Fickle”, to do with the moon, is it a characterization of the smile or the moon? I decided, when rereading several times, the moons “half-smile” is fickle because it changes nightly, but also there is a character trait there, for the illumination is “stolen” from the sun, so we see a anecdotal smile that is out of it’s control, but also the mischievous Loki, nodding with clandestine knowledge, knowing that the sun has lost something and is unaware of the empowerment it is providing to the moon. The moon beaming with reflected light, stolen from the sun. There is an honorarium associated with this, that of worship to the “king” the solar provider, by passing on to the Earth the representation of the coming day. All the while, there is the moment when the Earth sees the face of “god” a face 4 ½ million years old, left there since it’s fiery birth, and ah, there it recalls in the suns glory, it’s own fiery birth. The feeling left with this verse is that of your word “beaming”, it is meant to ascribe an attribute not only to how light is transmitted, but also to the pride the moon has at showing her face. I wonder if she despairs that none may ever see the beauty of her dark side. Beautiful verse Joanne, and I do love the Haiku.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-10-18 18:02:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.04762
Joanne, [wheres Jo?] you need a name like 'flirting' I like this a half moon smile.....with stolen light from the sun, like a cheshire cat! I'm beaming as you gave me the gift of a smile! God bless you, dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2004-10-13 17:59:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.47826
Aaaaaaah, here's the other picture, the version of the half-moon, and I am intrigued by your description of it as a "fickle" moon with a half-smile beaming with something that it has stolen from the son. You sure do know how to bring personification to its highest levels Joanne. I think that out of the three, this one is my favorite. Because remember I write about mostly humanity, and this haiku gives personal attributes and character traits to the moon. Who knew? Every line is filled with descriptions and images. If we didn't have your title or the word "moon," this one could fit a person or thing perhaps. If there are more, I will truly read them. It's very interesting how you are able to capture such a wonderful glimpse of reality and nature in such a poetic sense. I love you work, and I love this haiku. The moon has been known for being sexy and for being full on nights where things have happened, but you give it life in a whole new way here. Thanks for sharing. Great job. Latorial
This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2004-10-13 05:28:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61905
Pure gold-have I mentioned lately that I'm not worthy? Thank you Joanne, for your poetry has opened doors for my own. Would love to get in that head of yours and see what's in there to create something like "reflected light stolen from the sun" --ahhhhh! food for the starving mind-- friendless, lonely moon waits in the dark for the sun like a lover spurned
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-10-11 11:31:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Luminous Laureate: Each haiku stands firmly on its own but blends with the other especially in strong rhymes such as sickle and fickle. Silver moon is big sister; Moon II is baby sister. My view, of course. Silver moon seems serious and if her task is to tinsel trees and toss is done. Now gallops in little sister moon, feckless, naughty (half-moon smile) so we readers know she's been doing something lunar but with greater freedom and joy than big sister. (My hairdresser's name is Moon, Vietnamese, and Eric and I have placed her in high status...but that's another story). "Beaming" fascinates as a word to describle little Moon II. She has become oriental and her mother Moon always told her to be the best. "Be Ming!" she would prod her. Sorry, but when I introduced my own Moon into your poem, it will be out of my hamds and into hers (small and capable like little sister's). Moon two has reflected light...just as I imagined, she is quite thoughtful and reflective even though she plays and gets naughty. (Does Miss Bea know her?) I think Moon II also likes to be called Diana when she is out hunting for things to do. Your last line, Joanne, has laid me out. (I get my morphine in half an hour, thank heavens)! "Stolen from the sun." I read this as manna...stollen from the sun. And then was so overcome with the joy of this poem, I am crying for the beauty and personalities you gave your moons. ONLY YOU! I must lie down, great enchantress, but thak you, thank you for the double treasure to savor forever. I LOVE your haikus!! Purple pansies and a sprig of chervil, Mell-o
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-10-10 21:29:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Joanne--Two haiku in a row, but, now at least I know it's waxing vs waning- smile. Another excellent Japanese Verse (as Erzahl would say). This attempt is great personification of the object of romantic fervency which portrays the changeness of (waning and waxing) this universially popular sphere that relies solely on "...light stolen from the sun." I enjoyed the humor and wittiness. Thanks for the levity. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-10-10 19:45:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Aha, another ... when paired with the first one, "sickle" and "fickle" make a subtly rhymed duo. The lunar persona is once more being considered. This time, she is not reliable, for her half-smile changes with each night, and owns no integrity. "Stolen from the sun" introduces some scientific fact, since it is the reflected sunlight that illumines the moon's countenance. Yet she actively "steals" it in order to adorn herself, always the same half, never the dark Lilith face. Therefore, we tend to forget that there IS another aspect to this so-beautiful symbol of womanhood, change and mystery. On another level, one might consider whether the act of theft makes the resulting possession more attractive because we know it is not ours by permanent right. Do we, in fact, steal our moments of joy with full awareness that they can never be fully ours? That our smiles are, at best, halved, because they're doomed to be dimmed by age and sorrow? That the maiden will turn to crone and fade? Does the Promethean fire - such a boon when first wrested from the sky - also entail a lessening of long-term happiness? Or is the bargain worth the risk? Perhaps the moon is to be pitied; her fickleness is forced upon her by a consort who will never totally give himself to her - at least, not to all of her. Perhaps all women hide a shadow side, one that no amount of reflected glory can reach. It is our secret Lady, the one with whom only we can commune. The smile we wear for the rest of the world can never touch that hushed other self. No wonder it is tremulous, smaller than need be. We dare not be too open, too vulnerable. We dare not smile without reservation. I'm enjoying your haiku because there are depths behind the exquisite imagery and playful tone. Will there be more? Or perhaps a sun haiku, masculine and filled with assumptions? I'll stay tuned. Brenda
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