This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2004-10-13 23:29:48 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Collecting the Shards Words lost in silent screams
Pouring from deep within
My belly aches as it shakes
My heart crumbles as I fumble
Through jagged pieces
Of a shattered life
Searching for evidence
Or any existence
Of goodness within
Or kindness without
My mind scrambles as it rambles
My soul shrinks as I think
About men in power
And women who submit
Without questioning
Long term effects
On little hearts
And little minds
My hands nimble as they tremble
My legs uneasy as I am queasy
From remembering the horror
And acknowledging the pain
Caused by “guardians”
Who failed to shelter
My young experience
Of torturous cruelties
My heart aches as it breaks
My soul shatters as I don’t matter
To the abusers – no!
But to myself of course I do
I did nothing wrong
I just wanted to belong
To a loving family
But that was not to be
My eyes weep as I sleep
My body wilts as I feel guilt
For breaking the tie that binds
And leaving it all behind
To start a new life
Where goodness prevails
Over evil and cruelty
And torturous minds
My heart mends as I fend
My soul collects as I connect
With a higher kindness
And more caring power
Than I could ever imagine
Embracing me in love
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Copyright © October 2004 Mandie J Overocker
Additional Notes:
another one written from experience...trying to see the positive of breaking free from a lifetime of abuse. comment if you wish.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Amour Stakwi'a Dresbach On Date: 2004-11-02 20:40:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Very, very good piece, Amanda. It takes a lot to write about something like this and you are fortunate to be able to have the gift to express it so well. Congratulations on breaking free and finding happiness! The poem flows well in its entirety and the style is appropriate for the work.
The title fits well with the words and ideas and draws the reader into examining the work. I look forward to viewing and critiquing more of your works on the site!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-10-30 11:44:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.69231
Wow Amanda,
This is such an outpouring of raw emotion. And yet the poetics employed to write
this are incredable. The combination of the two is like a one-two knock out punch
for this reader.
The title referring to the shattered life of abuse is so relevent, as is the subject
matter. You express yourself well and this poem speaks for millions of children who
suffer from child abuse.
The rhyme is particularly wellplaced and fresh. I am glad to see that you are not only
letting these feelings pour out, but that you are seeking to let go of them and let the
Healer of healers do His work on your heart. Amen to that.
Blessings,
Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy T Bindhammer On Date: 2004-10-16 10:29:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Dear Amanda
This poem is a wonderful expression of such a tough world. I think that your
use of rhymes was used in a very colorful way so that it is noted throughout
that it flows and sadness and broken are well and defined. I'm sorry that
this is what is your reality (if it is) - you are a very strong and courage-
ous person to write such an elequent piece of art. Healing with this type
of expression is such a great way of making a bad world into a victory!
Please know that you are heard here and hope that you continue to break free
from all of the abuse that you have endured.
peace
Nancy B
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-10-15 13:32:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.89286
This poem flows real well, in the line-My hands nimble as they tremble - I keep stumbling over nimble and was wondering if - Hands dissemble as they tremble - might work better, if it dosen't betray your meaning. Thanks for letting me read and comment.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-10-14 12:26:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.63636
Hi Amanda,
You have written another gut wrenching piece. The words you have used to describe
abuse catch in my throat as I read this aloud. The occasional internal rhyme (my
favorite) adds substance and the ending rhymes are very rhythmical...'crumbles as I fumble'.
...'shrinks as I think'..'uneasy as I am queasy'...and several more. The only thing I
would change about this piece would be to carry that rhyme scheme throughout as I find
it quite effective. However, that may be difficult to do and keep the integrity of the
poem...but I think you can do it as you are quite talented. You write of your own
experience which is very good as we know the most of what we have done. Our loves, our
losses, our mistakes, and our dreams. To live in a life of abuse is a horrible place to
be and I hope you have sinced passed that situation and are able to put it behind you.
...'caused by "gaurdian" who failed to shelter'...this line leads me to believe you were
a foster child and was unfortunate enough to be placed with the wrong people.....'I did
nothing wrong I just wanted to belong'...this line put a lump in my throat. You must always
remember that you did nothing wrong...this is more important than the abuse, more important
than the pain, and will be the one thing that heals your spirit. Wonderful poem...keep
writing as you will begin to heal every time you take up your pen and record your thoughts.
My sincere blessings to you....Marilyn
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