This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2004-10-13 23:29:48 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Collecting the Shards

Words lost in silent screams Pouring from deep within My belly aches as it shakes My heart crumbles as I fumble Through jagged pieces  Of a shattered life Searching for evidence Or any existence Of goodness within Or kindness without My mind scrambles as it rambles My soul shrinks as I think About men in power And women who submit Without questioning Long term effects On little hearts  And little minds My hands nimble as they tremble My legs uneasy as I am queasy From remembering the horror And acknowledging the pain Caused by “guardians” Who failed to shelter My young experience Of torturous cruelties My heart aches as it breaks My soul shatters as I don’t matter To the abusers – no! But to myself of course I do I did nothing wrong I just wanted to belong To a loving family But that was not to be My eyes weep as I sleep My body wilts as I feel guilt For breaking the tie that binds And leaving it all behind To start a new life Where goodness prevails Over evil and cruelty And torturous minds My heart mends as I fend My soul collects as I connect With a higher kindness And more caring power Than I could ever imagine Embracing me in love

Copyright © October 2004 Mandie J Overocker

Additional Notes:
another one written from experience...trying to see the positive of breaking free from a lifetime of abuse. comment if you wish.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Amour Stakwi'a Dresbach On Date: 2004-11-02 20:40:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Very, very good piece, Amanda. It takes a lot to write about something like this and you are fortunate to be able to have the gift to express it so well. Congratulations on breaking free and finding happiness! The poem flows well in its entirety and the style is appropriate for the work. The title fits well with the words and ideas and draws the reader into examining the work. I look forward to viewing and critiquing more of your works on the site!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-10-30 11:44:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.69231
Wow Amanda, This is such an outpouring of raw emotion. And yet the poetics employed to write this are incredable. The combination of the two is like a one-two knock out punch for this reader. The title referring to the shattered life of abuse is so relevent, as is the subject matter. You express yourself well and this poem speaks for millions of children who suffer from child abuse. The rhyme is particularly wellplaced and fresh. I am glad to see that you are not only letting these feelings pour out, but that you are seeking to let go of them and let the Healer of healers do His work on your heart. Amen to that. Blessings, Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy T Bindhammer On Date: 2004-10-16 10:29:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Dear Amanda This poem is a wonderful expression of such a tough world. I think that your use of rhymes was used in a very colorful way so that it is noted throughout that it flows and sadness and broken are well and defined. I'm sorry that this is what is your reality (if it is) - you are a very strong and courage- ous person to write such an elequent piece of art. Healing with this type of expression is such a great way of making a bad world into a victory! Please know that you are heard here and hope that you continue to break free from all of the abuse that you have endured. peace Nancy B
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-10-15 13:32:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.89286
This poem flows real well, in the line-My hands nimble as they tremble - I keep stumbling over nimble and was wondering if - Hands dissemble as they tremble - might work better, if it dosen't betray your meaning. Thanks for letting me read and comment.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-10-14 12:26:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.63636
Hi Amanda, You have written another gut wrenching piece. The words you have used to describe abuse catch in my throat as I read this aloud. The occasional internal rhyme (my favorite) adds substance and the ending rhymes are very rhythmical...'crumbles as I fumble'. ...'shrinks as I think'..'uneasy as I am queasy'...and several more. The only thing I would change about this piece would be to carry that rhyme scheme throughout as I find it quite effective. However, that may be difficult to do and keep the integrity of the poem...but I think you can do it as you are quite talented. You write of your own experience which is very good as we know the most of what we have done. Our loves, our losses, our mistakes, and our dreams. To live in a life of abuse is a horrible place to be and I hope you have sinced passed that situation and are able to put it behind you. ...'caused by "gaurdian" who failed to shelter'...this line leads me to believe you were a foster child and was unfortunate enough to be placed with the wrong people.....'I did nothing wrong I just wanted to belong'...this line put a lump in my throat. You must always remember that you did nothing wrong...this is more important than the abuse, more important than the pain, and will be the one thing that heals your spirit. Wonderful poem...keep writing as you will begin to heal every time you take up your pen and record your thoughts. My sincere blessings to you....Marilyn
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