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This Poem was Submitted By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2004-10-20 22:48:07 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Leaves

The leaf laughs at me As the rake holds it secure See the others near?

Additional Notes:
Out raking leaves today and they just kept on falling...

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-11-05 23:19:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90698
Debbie: Whoa! Your really surprised me with this one! I didn't know that you wrote haiku - and not only that - that you capture the playfulness and tender humor that often mark the very best. The light-hearted way you begin with "the leaf laughs at me" brought me instantly into the moment, forgetting anything but the image. The personification of this leaf is like the many 'things' in life that seem to laugh at our efforts at mastery or dominion. The leaf isn't taking this personally, that the rake "holds it secure" and points out that one just can't win. And in realizing this, one is free to enjoy the bounty and crispness of the leaves themselves, the fresh air and the activity. This work reminds me favorably of the poet Yosa Buson, one of the four great masters of haiku. There are layers of allusion built into the three lines here which are absolutely boundless. I am very caught up in this brief, intense work, and yet feel freed by it. Thank you for this completely delightful work! Brava! My best always, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-10-23 05:51:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62162
Debbie--Definitely seasonal and apt with all requirements met (three lines; 17 syllables; nature themed). Nice metaphoric haiku with excellent personifi- cation. Anyone having raked leaves can attest to them seeming to get some fun from frustrating the raker(s), especially when being blown by the wind. Always good to see attempts at different genres. Thanks for sharing your timely effort. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2004-10-21 22:12:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.59615
Debbie, This is absolutely cute and adorably. I think the font that you chose really adds flavor to the haiku. Leaves (I think it's wise to continue to give haiku one word titles). The leaf laughs at me (I love the alliteration of the l's here, and I think that in the first line of the haiku is where the actual tone of the poem is set. I actually pictures leaves laughing, and I smiled. So this first line accomplishes a lot even if you didn't set out to do it. My mind became a pool of animation at the thought of leaves laughing. I pictured a Disney version of a big brown lead, with eyes and a smile just chitter chattering and looking around). As the rake holds it secure. (this also brings another flavor to the picture) see the others near? And here you continue the personification of the leaves. They not only smile, but they also see. I think that haiku are wonderful to write, and to see a good haiku means that there is a serious writer with some honed skills behind it. They're not all that easy to write. Anybody can write three lines with the appropriate syllables, but to come up with something zesty, creative and intriguing, takes talent. You have expressed great talent in this one. Thanks for sharing it at TPL. Good job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-10-21 14:59:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hi Debbie, I like this haiku...you have satisfied all the requirements with the 5,7,5 sylables in 3 lines. This is such a trickey form of poetry and very challanging...I try one now and then but I never think they are any good. I like the theme of this one and anyone who has ever raked leaves will relate to it. Good job....keep writing! Blessings....Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-10-21 08:38:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.90909
Leaves turn in the yard windmills of fire raining percipitates joy THats my take on leaves , of course I'm not yet contemplating the raking as you have, Thanks for letting me read and comment.

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