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This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-12-02 20:52:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Joanne, This is way down on my list but I just had to stop by and see what you'd done with it. The "heavenly" haiku seem to be one of your leitmotifs lately. This one is extremely well done, in terms of the interconnected yet separate strophes. The sense of mutual attraction between earth and Sun confers upon them a human quality (possibly an innate spirituality) that allows them to remain in harmony. Earth orbits her powerful would-be lover; Sun woos her, but like many an admirer-from-afar, is also aware that she can come no closer unless she is willing to risk everything. Some love affairs are just too dangerous! Toward Earth’s round face Sun radiates each morning-- She accepts his warmth "Accepts" is, of course, inevitable; she has little choice. But there's a certain coquettish implication. It's the warmth she wants, not the light. Heat=passion. Hmmm, of course! The sun's rays give rise to all of earthly creation. By permitting them to penetrate her cloud shield, Earth is fertilized and conceives the primordial molecules that form DNA and, ultimately, all living beings. When viewed from the Moon, Around Earth’s rim it’s Sunrise-- Darkness at her back This is another perspective. There's always the darkness, hiding within every soul, every incarnation. Without the dark, how would we recognize light? Yet she has placed that darkness behind her, seeking instead the sun's continuing embrace. In Earth’s endless spin The Sun holds her securely-- Keeping her in space The sensuality of this relationship is further explored here. The two are like dance partners, waltzing through the ethereal realms. He must hold her, yet he cannot possess her - the ultimate paradox. If he releases her to fly off, he will lose her and she will die. Yet he cannot claim her because too close an encounter would also destroy his companion. "Endless spin" suggests both rotation and revolution, orbit and axis. It is truly a complex performance. Earth might lighten up Ablaze within her own heart-- Astonishing Sun Ah, now we come to the possible consummation. If it does end in this way, "lighten up" implies a radiation from the core, and "ablaze within her own heart" speaks of eruption. As the planet veers toward the star she circles, a molten hell will spill forth and the intense heat will incinerate her. This is, as we know, the fate of the solar system, although long after we have ceased to care about such things. "Astonishing Sun" is definitely the truth, for the inward spiral of an inflamed planet would be both spectacular and - except to the ancient scientists - unexpected. Thus, by possession, the Sun also loses forever his feminine counterpart and soulmate. I wonder if this happens to us all? Does yin neutralize yang when they combine? Is there any awareness of gender among souls after death? When we achieve Nirvana, or whatever term we care to use in its place, are we both exalted and annihilated as individuals? Your tone is playful and the haiku format appears to preclude profound exploration ... yet I believe there's much to be gleaned from this piece once one delves beneath the metaphors. It's a treat to read; it's also, on a deeper level, a means of approaching the whole idea of destiny, karma and balance - the "harmony of the spheres" that is more and more becoming understood, even as an element of quantum physics. Thanks so much for giving me this, to think about. It is a special offering, as always. Joy and Peace, Brenda

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