This Poem was Submitted By: Medard Louis Lefevre Jr. On Date: 2004-12-15 23:56:32 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Stones I Carry

I enter a room with too many mirrors Reflections cast their scornful stares I break all the glass with the stones I carry If I can't see myself, nobody else cares I enter a room without any doors How I got here, I never will know I break all the walls with the stones I carry If I leave alone, nobody else can go I enter a room with too many windows Their light penetrates the darkness in my eyes I break all the panes with the stones I carry If nobody sees me, I can live with my lies I enter a room with too many doors All of them open, inviting me to leave I break all temptations with the stones I carry If nobody stays with me, there's nothing I believe

Copyright © December 2004 Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-01-06 23:40:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Medard, This poem tells a story of how man can often be his own best enemy or a woman her own. It's amazing how we manage sometimes to ruin every good thing that comes our way, and it makes you think when you have all of that time on your hand to remember how you screwed up and how good what you messed up was. People, places and things, we are rarely able to get them back when we throw them away. I loved more than anything the form and style of this poem. You cleverly used a pattern and a line that sticks with the reader and just entices you to want to hear more and more and more stanzas as the intrique continues. Misery is often interesting. Thanks for sharing a part of your world and your writing. Great poem. Latorial


This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-01-01 19:15:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88235
There is a deep meaning here I am sure, however I am not quite sure what it is. It was a compelling read none the less and I'm still trying to figure it out. As a therapist I am "supposed" to know the meanings here but without further contact to ask questions I am at a loss. Maybe it means that you are trapped. Trapped within your own boundaries and walls that you set for yourself, and then finally the doors open you are still burdened because your old thoughts/ feelings are still trapped within you and you still can't see the forest for the trees as the saying goes. You still cannot believe that you are free...free of your impediments...free to lose those stones so that there are no more walls to break down, etc. Am I off base? Thanks for the reading and allowing me to critique. It was fascinating.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-12-27 20:52:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Medard, This is a well-written poem! Lyrically and technically! I am impressed on how it is structured in complicated format yet the message remains true and comprehensive. The rhyming A-B-C-B is perfect. I also like the prelude “I enter a room” and standard third line “I break all the…with the stones I carry” – a well-posited pattern. The unique execution of these words and thoughts are truly enjoyable! Also, the title suits appropriately! Generally, it is mysterious and profound yet everyone can relate. I liked the sequence on how you deliver the message. From mirrors, doors and windows, the clever metaphors you used effectively help my imagination. The associations are well-thought and unforgettable. How I see myself also in these scenarios of life…uncertain yet certain, questioning yet had the answers, doubtful yet sure. Outstanding entry! You sure got my vote with this! Thank you for sharing your talent! Keep them coming! As always, Erzahl :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-12-17 17:12:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.90909
Medard, Interesting name. This poem makes me think of a young man, once married, where there was too much close scrutiny/someone could see into your soul. I think he succumbed to temptation in the marriage as an excuse to go.. Him thinking not much of himself, because of the weight of his stones/pain He would be more at ease living alone. Hiding from the world. It is a sad song you've sung. Quite moving and thoughtful. Thanks for posting Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2004-12-16 13:19:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Medard, You have written a fascinating piece of transitions. The end of each is predictable, but the transitions held in common are poignant. I will quote “I can live with my lies”. Such a universal line, that it leaves on with a single “out” to disregard the condition of the author and apply the aphorism to themselves, thus the entire verse. You transition not only the “object” of your verse, but the reader as well. Each stanza has a dualism of cause and effect, and that effect is knowingly disregarded. Well done. “I enter a room with too many mirrors Reflections cast their scornful stares” – with these lines we see into the “lurkers” soul. See the face of a person to be scorned, and that person is himself/herself. Beyond this I see the theme of your verse, that “humanity” itself is on trial here. “I break all the glass with the stones I carry If I can't see myself, nobody else cares” – The breaking of the mirrors, is tantamount to setting aside the moral requirements that humanity require. Without Conscience, anything can be justified. “I enter a room without any doors How I got here, I never will know” – The difference between a man who has become blind and a man born blind is the man who is born blind won’t ask how he got there. It doesn’t matter. A man who has been blinded, will always ask how/why/why me and the answers will never meet the needs. Excellent metaphor. “I break all the walls with the stones I carry If I leave alone, nobody else can go” – These lines are so “overfilled” with possibility that it is difficult to isolate your thoughts. Here are the responses I can see, and hopefully one of them is your thoughts. The stones, carried throughout this piece, transition with the piece and other than the “predictive malevolence” associated with them, there is also a “cure” that their product brings. The “lurker” must carry the stones alone, and if he/she leaves alone, nobody else can go because the “stones” carried by one, can never tear down the doors meant for another’s stones. “I enter a room with too many windows Their light penetrates the darkness in my eyes” – Here we transition from mirrors to windows, both glass, but with obvious difference, whereas one reveals the “inner” intimacy, the windows now reveal the outer, and that vision is like wisdom and need to the soul, which may or may not be adhered to. “I break all the panes with the stones I carry If nobody sees me, I can live with my lies” – This is the intuition of the verse. The “lurker” is deceived by his own illegitimacy. He/she actually believes that destroying the windows, which allow light to penetrate his deeds/thoughts/soul, that he will be free of judgment, when in actuality there is no difference at all. Brilliant. “I enter a room with too many doors All of them open, inviting me to leave I break all temptations with the stones I carry If nobody stays with me, there's nothing I believe” – The finale, the temptations and doors opened for avoiding the judgment of wisdom/truth, are broken by the stones. Once again the irony deceives the “lurker”, believing that if nobody stays, there is nothing to believe, when in actuality, nobody stays because the belief system is set in “stone”. This was a splendid read. I am not sure how much time you put into your metaphors, but there is a world of wealth in this verse. THX.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-12-16 10:44:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Are the stones a metaphor, which I think they must be if they can break temptations which makes me wonder at what breaks scornful stares, walls(i'll assume all walls we build between our selves and others), light( knowledge of ourselves perhaps ), and temptations. I'm not certain if their just general faults or perhaps something more specific, Thanks for letting me read and comment on this interesting poem.
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