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This Poem was Submitted By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2005-01-05 10:21:37 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Right in the Rosetta Stones

language through osmosis sent rock to rock embedded in fossilized deposits meaning cements in sediment to clock a second tongue graveling its posits time will tell its minutes in a whisper sunken deep beneath interpretation repeated words never growing crisper sounding different in every formation common needs laugh and cry their existence and dance beneath understandings spotlight coupling communication's distance with a now in constant motion's hot flight burns the feet that try to hold a still thought change tells the hands what evolution's wrought

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-02-05 19:10:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.69767
James, I must read it many times to finally 'think I know' what you said. I think it's pretty cool. I'm a rock lover for sure. language through osmosis sent rock to rock embedded in fossilized deposits meaning cements in sediment to clock a second tongue graveling its posits [the osmosis language of the rocks] time will tell its minutes in a whisper [they've got footprints/telling where they've been] sunken deep beneath interpretation [I lovvvvve this poem] repeated words never growing crisper sounding different in every formation [uniqueness of individual] common needs laugh and cry their existence and dance beneath understandings spotlight [sun] coupling communication's distance with a now in constant motion's hot flight burns the feet that try to hold a still thought change tells the hands what evolution's wrought [changes tells time of evolution] I am so pleased with this great piece. My favorite of all of yours. Tell me I'm right on. I am so no matter! It's like you lived as a rock! They are the earths music......mountains dancing across the earth! I so wish this was written by me. Your vocabulary was not so difficult and foreboding. LOVED IT! dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-02-03 09:44:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Every time I read your poems James, I am amazed at how well you write in this form. I know, I've said it too many times (smile). What I have found is that I like to read all of your poems at once, instead of going back and forth. It's great because it allows me to internalize the form as well as your style, and I'm able to think consistently when I'm reading and critiquing your poems. I fell in love with the words of this poem becuase 1. they are centered around such a natural and interesting theme. This poem has a geological backdrop that's so impressive and captivating. I felt as though I was in a classroom, but I also felt that it was a mixture of science and literature. What a combination! Again, with your well written first lines, you do it again with . . . "language through osmosis sent rock to rock" This very first lines throws the idea of science and words or lit. out there. Language and osmosis. I never really hear those kinds of words in the same room, let alone the same line. You are brave and very talented, and your exposure throughout your lifetime shines through in your poetry when you write lines like this. embedded in fossilized deposits meaning cements in sediment to clock a second tongue graveling its posits You continue with the conjoined idea in that first stanza with terms that stand out as well as illustrate pictures for the reader. Not only that, these words invoke feelings. I can't explain them really, but my mood changed when I read this poem. I actually felt as though I may have been exploring in some cave looking for fossiles, stalactites or some other forms of natural substance. A "second tongue graveling its posits" makes verbal the experiences that you bring out in this stanza, and again you tie the two themes together, science and writing or words. time will tell its minutes in a whisper sunken deep beneath interpretation repeated words never growing crisper sounding different in every formation The first stanza verbalizes more of a geological backdrop, but in this next one, you speak to the issue of words and language with "time will tell" and "minutes in a whisper." Then you go on with the words "interpretation," "repeated words," "sounds," and "formation." I liked the idea of them never growing crisper. Crisp words, what a great thought. I thought fresh word, good word, never disinteresting or displeasing words. Reminds me of your last poem "Sermonizing Sunday." I like to think of a fresh or "crisp" word delivered in sermons on Sundays. common needs laugh and cry their existence and dance beneath understandings spotlight coupling communication's distance with a now in constant motion's hot flight When I think of common needs laughing and crying, I think of life. I think of people, and I do think of words. Through words we are able to illustrate our innermost feelings and desires, hurts or joys. What I saw as absolutely beautiful in this poem was the idea of one "dancing beneath understandings spotlight." This is a great picture, a great thought, that someone would actually bask in the light of understanding. Sometimes understanding is so misunderstood, but I think you correctly place it into context in your poem. burns the feet that try to hold a still thought change tells the hands what evolution's wrought These last two lines are just like "all" of your last two lines. They are profound, deep, provacative and stilling. I am lead to think on "thought" and how they often are not still, and what happens when they do become "still." Thanks again James. Just keep on sharing these because they are so lovely to read, so rich with creativity, wit and intellect, but most of all -- life! You're a great writer. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com

This Poem was Critiqued By: Kelly Denise LaBeff On Date: 2005-02-02 20:36:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.97436
The process of osmosis for language, yes, I see this,,,,clever and witty idea, James! Coming up, forming from, becoming a second tongue speaking in different tones....your words make this as visual as that of a science project's "data" in work being viewed thorugh a clear drinking straw. common needs laugh and cry their existence and dance beneath understandings spotlight coupling communication's distance Oh, but these lines spark the imagination the most, enchanting to witness, great use of language that easy on the tongue! Your couplet summation tells it all, the evolving of now complete, indeed, such is hot! Another great sonnet, my your mind must BURN itself with these beauties. Thanks for enriching my spririt with another golden one! Kelly

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-01-26 10:34:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81250
Poet, thank you for posting this piece and sharing with us the beauty of being in structure, word flow, enjoyable read, images projected with the flare of your pen. Good story line and unforced rhyme which allows for such a good read. God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lynda G Smith On Date: 2005-01-22 11:32:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi James, I thoroughly enjoyed getting out my trowel and brush to excavate the depths of this work. You launch immediately into a graphic illustration of the Rosetta, and the mechanism which makes this communication possible. But you do much more in this verse... I think the simplicity of the traditional rhyme lends itself well to the subject matter. The challenge of interpretation of ancient symbols and the loss of meaning by the passage of time will probably be less of a problem in this day and age of documentation in records transcribed in other than sculpted stone. I can't help but wonder what the scribes would have thought of our computers and words that appear out of lights and switches. How soft has evolution made us...Yet we still hunger to understand and we will always as you suggest have a common need to communicate and with technological wonders at our fingertips, we can and will indeed put flight to our words and thoughts. Very interesting... Lynda

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-01-16 21:13:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Man ... can you hear me moan? I really and honestly don't have a clue about this piece and what you are trying to say. Just thought I'd let you know. Score me nada...

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2005-01-12 22:06:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Re: Right in the Rosetta Stones At first reading, I thought that perhaps you had erred in referring to “stones,” James. However, a second look has me feeling that you may be using the plural symbolically, in referring to the increased enlightenment that was available after the stone’s inscription was deciphered. In any event, you most certainly chose an erudite vehicle to carry your theme, sir. James Writes: “time will tell its minutes in a whisper sunken deep beneath interpretation repeated words never growing crisper sounding different in every formation” *** Critique: Here is the underpinning that had me beginning to believe what happened with my second look. The Rosetta Stone is part of a scholarly work that began in 1799, James, and you writing style fits the work very well. James Writes: “burns the feet that try to hold a still thought change tells the hands what evolution's wrought” *** Critique *** I love these lines to end the work. They have me moil for the exact understanding. Effort is what is necessary to arrive at any understanding that is even close to being correct. It is an impressive, studious read, James. Thank you, Len McIntosh

This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul R Lindenmeyer On Date: 2005-01-05 23:33:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
James, great story line, clean, crisp verbiage, an enjoyable pace, coupled with unforced rhyme. I enjoyed the entire piece, and could not agree more with "constant motion's hot flight". We wait mille seconds for what used to take decades or centuries to pass on. Then we store it for future generations like no one has before us. Wonder what they'll say about the times we live in?? Peace, Paul

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-01-05 11:27:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
James--Thanks for this mini poetic Geology lesson. Your chosing to relate such information through a difficult genre as the Sonnet is even more impressive. TLW

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