Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

This Poem was Submitted By: Moira Grace Hamel-Smith On Date: 2005-03-25 05:34:26 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

Math

Probability is the rhythm of the universe Physics is art,music is math. Random is the horse we have yet to ride, Actuaries(and derivative traders)are the Da Vinces of our time. Surplus is the goal of evolution. Profit lets us shift from Darwin to Maslow.It takes a full belly to challenge the status quo. The trick, is to consume the surplus in a creative, non competitive, supportive way.The old model has clearly out lived it's usefulness,(in the post industrial world anyway). I have, in the past, immersed my self in the everyday.....at great expense. I sense that I have been forgiven.

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-04-06 13:25:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.42105
And why "shouldn't" you be forgiven? Because you thought (or think) the way you do or did. What is so wrong about that? The only line I take exception to is the very first one. The Universe really is not (in my estimation anyway), a probability of rhythm. It is very orderly otherwise everything would be in utter chaos ... gravity, time, etc. Darwin and Maslow...interesting. I think I would have put in Coppernicus and Einstein too. Anyway it was a good read, and thanks for it.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-04-04 00:28:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.69697
Moira--I don't recall reviewing any of your posts, so welcome to the site. This approach is a unique concept: a mixture of art, music, history, science, math, sociology and psycology used in a poetical context. Excellent analogy of; "Physics is art, music is math." Also, great inference of prophesy?/vision/insightfulness; "Random is the horse we have yet to ride, Actuaries (and derivative traders) are the Da Vinces of our time." IMO, strophes #3/#4 are credible hypothesis proposals (albeit idealistic). It's at this point the piece seem to lose continuity: in stanza #5 protagonist appear to be presenting testimony/admission to some ill(s) with a follow-on absolution of which no tie-end is evident to the previous verbiage (at least not decernible by this reader). Sorry for misstating your intentions, but did enjoy the intrique prior to getting lost-smile. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Anne Westheimer On Date: 2005-03-30 10:14:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Moira, your poem caught my attention with its originality. The first two stanzas are concise and poetic. The third stanza, too, was reading well until evolution. But, as "quo" and "Maslow ," "way" with "anyway" and "everyday" are the only rhyming places, they are inconsistent with the rest of the poem. The content of the poem shows much potential. Consider re-working the many "is" and "are" verbs into more active ones. For instance, and this may not be a good example of what you want to say: "Physics calculates art, music plays on physics." Try to pune "The trick" stanza down to its essence. The last stanza has rhythm, active verbs and ends well. Hope this helps, Elaine

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-03-29 09:47:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.38095
Good morning poet.....Interesting thoughts set forth within the lines of this poem....good structure, word flow, images and feelings as well........funny how you stated music is math for when my daughter was told of my grandson's exceptional high IQ it was suggested that he take piano lessons as the two go hand in hand.....math and music...... I have, in the past, immersed my self in the everyday.....at great expense. I sense that I have been forgiven. I think we might all have done as you state in closing poet.......it is nice to sense a forgiveness as well.......thank you for posting, sharing with us, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-03-25 13:18:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54545
Moira – A splendid piece. The derivation you give to each process, and the way you assigned a likeness to other/type likeness, are, strictly speaking, valid analogies. Taking us through an “evolution” of sorts, was a delightful/insightful stroll along the makings of makings. Math – I like the use of this simple title, it belies the “complexities” innate within this poem and your thesis. Probability is the rhythm of the universe – You have instantly pegged the moment, from creations, to near misses, to matter and anti matter hitting/missing, ect,. the probabilities allow the properties you will speak to, to matter within the confines of a finite universe. Ultimately, were the universe actually “infinite” probability would become less and less an issue, ‘cept for the creation that allows “what is”. Physics is art, music is math. Random is the horse we have yet to ride, - Physics/art, Music/Math, and Random, yet known, this takes properties and allow the “average” to become a visionary on a universal scale. Although the Physics/art joining is the weakest link, on a physical level, it is actually the strongest link on a cosmic/emotional/metaphysical meeting. Actuaries(and derivative traders)are the Da Vince’s of our time. – Do you think so, I have a view of this, but I wonder, of actuaries really can account for the passion, introspection, and quantum acuity that occurs in daily passing. I guess an actuary of “rudimentary physics” and probability could quantify “insight”, but I think the Da Vinci, remains the individual able to tabulate all the “quantifiable data” and still overcome that with a detached creative impulse. Surplus is the goal of evolution. Profit lets us shift from Darwin to Maslow. It takes a full belly to challenge the status quo. – This entire stanza is a “belly full” – how much a statement of excellence can be made to equate what is to this verse? Goal of evolution/profit, Darwin/to Maslow, brilliant, and changing the status quo, via darwin’s natural selection, to Maslow’s hierarchy and homeostasis. Superb insight in this stanza, I will think of it for a long time. The trick, is to consume the surplus in a creative, non competitive, supportive way. The old model has clearly out lived it's usefulness,(in the post industrial world anyway). – Your thesis has been brilliant, to this point, and although the “status quo” would write “consume the surplus in a creative/noncompetitive way, I think for your thesis “to consume the surplus in a restorative/recyclic manner” would more fit the “post industrial world”. We certainly, and will more completely, have lived out “the usefulness” of past remedy. I have, in the past, immersed my self in the everyday.....at great expense. I sense that I have been forgiven. – In a transforming moment, for verse and for theme, you inject yourself, “ourselves”, that the opulence of indiscretion, is akin to the paradox of marrying structure and probability. And I wonder, who would forgive me? The universe? The child I leave behind? Mother Nature? or maybe, an instinct that Maslow understood, it must be me alone, for probability will smooth out all externalities. A splendid piece, so much an insightful, well done verse. Thank you for sharing.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-03-25 10:35:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.55556
you do credit to all your names in this speculative, cautionary romp, We must know different actuaries though. Surplus is the goal of evolution. Profit lets us shift from Darwin to Maslow.It takes a full belly to challenge the status quo. indeed - [from your mouth to Marx's ear] or in the words of Bedrthold Brecht "first feed the face and then teach right and wrong"

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!