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This Poem was Submitted By: charles r pitts On Date: 2005-09-10 10:34:51 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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truth

liar thy forked tongue makes the hopeful heart hate and lures once loving eyes how to despise

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-10-04 13:55:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70270
Wow, really good cinquain. Sharp and cutting brings it right to the fore, and core. One of your best.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jillian K Sorenson On Date: 2005-09-22 23:50:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Okay so now I know this is a cinquain? cintrain? Apparently I'm still learning. :) I like the accusatory tone of this one. I'm not quite sure of the ending however, it's not as powerful as the last one I read and while the rest is quite excellent, this strikes me as being the wrong word to end with (But alas, I have no suggestions for another word).

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-09-14 14:37:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Charlie, Wonderful cinquain...bravo! liar thy forked tongue.......what is worse than knowing someone is lying to you...well what is worse is when they won't admit it. It is human nature to make mistakes but lying about them only compounds the problem. I think lovers who are soul mates never really have this problem...because they can tell each other anything without fear of reprisal. makes the hopeful heart hate...yes it does. Loving someone with all your heart isn't always easy but when all hopes are dashed it becomes a chore instead of an elation of mind and spirit. Love should always be a joy that comes naturally and not one that appears to be a job. and lures once loving eyes how to despise.........................when love becomes hate it is time to move on and just put the whole experience under the column marked 'lessons learned.' That is easier said than done, I know, but it is still good advice. I hope you have not written this about your own experience but if you have I wish you well. Peace...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-09-10 23:56:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Charles, A cinquain!! I'v always appreciated the challenges that go into this poetic art form (including haikus). Saying so much within these metrical limits would put even the best of us to the test and you have done a commendable job. Your theme hovers around 'truth'...more so, the inverse - lies. And it is the act of telling lies that 'makes the hopeful heart hate' causing 'loving eyes how [now] to despise'. You might be relating to personal experience or 'trust' in general terms. What is certain, is the disappointment anyone would feel when lied to, especially if the understanding between the two is strong. Coming to the technicalities of the piece, my understanding of cinquain is a syllable break-up of 2-3-6-8-2. You might want to add a syllable in line 2 unless you intend to have 'forked' read with two. Nevertheless, enjoyed this piece of work in the difficult form that it was presented in. Keep writing!! Take care, Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-09-10 22:31:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Charles, Another perfectly counted cinquian, this truly must be your forte for you have mastered it. Such dark truthful words that speak volumns, so eloquent in it's simplicity. Thank you. Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-09-10 12:54:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Charles--This title/theme is well carried by the subsequent language: These metaphors create vivid imagery. There's no mistaking the acrimony in this terse cinquain. I only hope this is a product of your imagination and not intended for a significant other. I like the emotions of this con- cise piece! TLW

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