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This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2005-10-06 16:14:57 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Affliction - Etheree #2

I succumb, rout and numb as I cower beneath fate’s power, shadowed by providence beseeching an abeyance from its abhorrent chevisance. While tenuous spirit I compart, Death drags its leaden chains across my heart. ~

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-10-25 13:20:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Mary, upon reading the title, my first approach was to ensure your poem gave me the “affair” of affliction. I wanted to feel the need- where the form was flawless. Affliction - Etheree #2 – to be in need, with such a struggle- affliction is not without balm, rather it is without the resolve to look beyond- good title. I succumb, - You immediately take us to “ourselves”, for no matter who the piece is conducted by, we read it first person. First person resounds to the soul. rout and numb – A poignant description of need, of being in shock, of requiring sustenance of the spirit!! as I cower beneath fate’s power, - How many times has fate left us so? and in the end, as in the beginning, is the fate a single path, or have we somehow deterred fate from another chosen path? What power, indeed!! shadowed by providence – Fate and providence, there are some who believe providence and fate war for position, yet in the end, it is all the same, fate. beseeching an abeyance – third person, “providence?” – seeking the preeminence to fulfill the will of fate? “Beseeching”, now there is a term of one in affliction. One can imagine the discussion, the “pleading”. from its abhorrent chevisance. – Here you bifurcate fates power, one for the good, and one for the not so good, the “abhorrent chevisance” of fate leaving you without recourse, and at the same time, providing a glimpse of what you cannot have. Success, is it fates success, or the successes of the soul, enduring whatever fate may offer? While tenuous spirit I compart, - Your spirit, reaches, split over its allegiance, its destination, even fates desires, how tenuous the spirit still complies. This is a powerful lesson for the soul. Death drags its leaden chains across my heart. – An affliction indeed, and I would like to say I have no such experience. The ill of the soul has often made dramatic entrances, and subtle exits. “Chains across the heart”, chains are the strength of the afflictions hold. Death is the emotional loss to the soul, and the affliction drags itself soul ward. A well written “afflictive” piece. And yes, I did find it in the verse!!

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-10-22 12:13:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94118
34 words, direct and to the point (I think). Now, the word "chevisance" has thrown me. It's not in my french dictionary nor in my English one either. The closest I have is "chevy" from which you probably made a contraction. It means "a haunting cry" which is what you were probably getting at. Seems this story is about dying and fighting off the inevitable. The leaden chains is certainly apropos. I seem to remember another Etheree of yours, but I can't remember the connection (one of its meanings is "not of this earth). Thanks for allowing me to read this fine piece.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-10-08 10:28:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary, Good structure and flow, your verbiage clear and discriptive. What a unique way to look at the subject although perchance this is the way we all look at it from time to time without self conciousness. This penned work is perfect for this time of year as seasons change all appeare to be in the throws of death while for somethings it is just a time of rest/sleep until the seasons change again while for others it is the completion of their journey so that they might move on to the next journey. Well done, you've put words to thought we seldom voice. Kudos Warmest, Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2005-10-08 06:04:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
simply beautiful. you have captured a single moment in the life of someone faced with the inevitable. i can see the expression on this face as the mind runs a million mph thinking, realizing, wrestling. ive been there, and remember those moments,those feelings: theyre gone, i'll go too one day, never see them,hear them, tell them. inever got to say, they never knew- and oh the regrets. helpless, afraid,so sad. all in a few seconds. love this charlie

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jillian K Sorenson On Date: 2005-10-07 00:21:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Hmmm....unlike the other etheree, this one rhymes and nicely. Although my vocabulary is lacking on a few of these words.....chevisance is beyond me. This one is much more dark than the other. I like the ending, it brings it all together. The title is nice as well. Good job.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-10-06 21:52:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary--Another excellent etheree, however, even more difficult due to the inclusion of rimes. This well written poem is of a dark nature with no redeeming features. I only hope the offering is a figment of poet's active imagination and not a depiction of scribe's true feelings. If the idea is to evoke melancholy, the imagery presented easily accomplishes that.TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2005-10-06 21:06:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
You reading Mell's mail? IM-ing one another all night long? I know the type. Chevisant.

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