This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-10-27 21:21:45 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Skid Marks Gray bones inched up
out of black dirt
with no blood seen
gray clouds hovered above
the eve of Halloween.
Moon cast down
dim light
over rusted red baring trees
a holiday to celebrate for all those who believe.
No party this night
just brushing winds
rushing by
graveyards locked up tight.
So?
“You’re brave enough to come?,"
to prove you’ll not be scared.â€
While your devilish friends
laugh out loud deep in to cool air.
Then from the corner of your eye
you see these bones of gray,
perspire and pass out
of this freakish wicked play.
Are you there?
Are you there?
Have you triumphed over their dare?
Is this air?
Is THIS air?
You hear moans and more moans.
Oh my God!
How can this be?
How can this be true?
Those grey bones belong to you.
Happy Halloweeen!
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Copyright © October 2010 DeniMari Z.
Additional Notes:
Happy Halloween!!!!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark D. Kilburn On Date: 2010-12-01 13:38:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Great job on this one. Did you mean in too cool air? I just love the sound of it too cool-One thing you did excellently was capture the feel of halloween even when i read it a month after the fact. Well done. mk
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-11-06 14:59:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni,
Cute! You brought me a chuckle, your old bones indeed.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-10-30 14:18:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
A truly halloweenish twist of the knife- and of course, in the "I see dead people", the spector finally finds out who is traipsing through the graveyard.
Did not expect it to come to that point- but what can be scarier than the discovery of such.
If you get a chance, record "scared shrekless" on your DVR- the gingerbread man has a great story-
Thanks for the halloween treat (or was it trick?).
This Poem was Critiqued By: kevin Dunn On Date: 2010-10-29 22:51:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
By Golly, I thought this was going to be a poem about a pair of shorts. I thought to myself.....Hmmm, this'll be a good'n.
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-10-28 16:21:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni,
A great treat for Halloween. Your ending was a complete surprise and the thought of it made me gasp! A couple of suggestions. In your line.."You're brave enough to come?" I think you should move that question mark to the end of the following line as it is a continuation of the same thought. Also you line...laugh out loud deep in to cool air...'in to' should be 'into' as it refers to location. The one thing I would change about this site is the inability to change a line without having to hide the poem and start over again. Of course more poets would be nice too! Well done.
Best wishes,
cheyenne
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