Michael BrokenSword's E-Mail Address: solaria5505@sbcglobal.net
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Below you will see ALL of the Critiques that Michael BrokenSword has given on The Poetic Link.
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Displaying Critiques 1 to 4 out of 4 Total Critiques.| Poem Title | Poet Name | Critique Given by Michael BrokenSword | Critique Date |
| The archers | Mark Andrew Hislop | Hello, Mark Well, first blush has me noting the archaic way of punctuating; tis old style to use front-end capped lines. What I don't like about this style is that I'm stopped in the flow each time I get to a capped word; I believe poems should flow and hence, after much the same abuse re punctuation toward my own beginning efforts, conceded my own critter's points and relented. Poetry flows better with normal, everyday punctuation. I mean, do as I first did; write it and THEN go back and punctuate correctly; it wont' hurt and if even one reader has an easier ride, isn't it worth it? As is probably usual, I'm one of those that would really like a footnote re the myths and names you reference. I COULD go and look it up and I still might but I don't think the average reader will. It can only help to have that bit of info that makes the body/read go easier. I can see the images and if I knew the myth, would probably resonate more. As it is, I'm having to do this by allusion and context. I think your point is probably lost on me until I look up this storyline. I like how it 'seems' to end, the end pith works for me, adds to overall tone. I don't think your title, though, is that effective; too generic for me. Ah, and another spot of missed punctuation, too. So, overall it was an ok read; I'd like a bit more epic sweep but it feels like you were only making a very direct point and I think you did that. BrokenSword | 2007-01-26 18:02:16 |
| Marl and Blood | marilyn terwilleger | Well, ok, Chey; guess since I already know a lot about this, how about I just highlight everything that is working, hey? The metaphor is developed with a good sense of tonal response, there is the sequencing and progression toward resolution. The images are tangible and accessable, the symbolism of a tried and true nature giving the reader some sense of familiarity. I like the word choice, find an almost absent cadre of abstraction and cliches--now, that didn't hurt much, did it??? Being a fan of formal poetry, I always have a soft spot for the rhyme and of course, interior sound. The verbiage is enhanced and edgy, adding to your tone. Hope you had fun with this! BrokenSword | 2007-01-26 17:54:58 |
| Splitting Atoms | Ellen K Lewis | My first question would be; what's up with the asterisks in S1? Don't see any need for such... There is some missing punctuation that impedes the flow as I have to reread and decipher what you meant. You have quite a few cliches; constant gyrations Time will tell blowing in the wind (shall we not give Dylan some credit for this line?) who can hold back dawn of (a new) time watch and get ready that the _____ doesn't pass (on by) without you Interesting pattern of using the Americanized haiku pattern but I did not think it did anything for the poem. All in all, an average poem beset by cliches. Message is there, presented, understood. I think this subject probably has been broached before and could use a different pov for a more unique presentation. Doesn't mean this is bad but I was taught that you want to aim for your 15 minutes of fame and to see your works remembered for a while; I don't think this one will be even if the idea has enough depth to be worthy. Sorry, not trying to offend. Something to do here to enhance, besides the new pov, would be to unwrite all the cliches and add more images; maybe even work this idea onto the back of a metaphor and let the readers see it from that perspective. BrokenSword | 2007-01-26 17:47:36 |
| Young God | James C. Horak | Ok, Mr. Horak; I read this at Chey's promptiing, before I joined up. Perhaps I'll forego the usual line by line and make a general statement because I already had a feel for this before I decided to crit it; sorry, but was next on the queue. I find this to have the thought provocation I like to see when I read poetry but is lacking in the image department. I feel I'm preached at (not necesarily a bad thing, but overdone here, a bit) and there is a more abstract quality (due again to the lack of images). I also find the way you arranged the lines distracting. The gimmick did not enhance the read for me. I did like your vocab and the message as presented. Another issue I had is that I could cobble this up in paragraph form and it would read like prose; I tend to like poetry look and read like poetry and not be poetic prose. It has its place, but I find it dilutes the whole presentation. I suppose you can choose your fonts for presentation, here? I noticed that yours is less 'readable'/accessible than the one I just crit by Lora. I'd suggest a softening, but probably just me. BrokenSword | 2007-01-26 17:38:24 |
| Poem Title | Poet Name | Critique Given by Michael BrokenSword | Critique Date |
Displaying Critiques 1 to 4 out of 4 Total Critiques.
If you would like to view all of Michael BrokenSword's Poetry just Click Here.