This Poem was Submitted By: Michael Bird On Date: 2003-08-19 23:01:28 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Bridge of Tears Sometimes late at night on a warm summers eve
I would go for a walk
And come to the bridge over the highway
I could stand there staring for hours on end
Watching the cars and trucks below on the highway
Going north and south
Their headlights resembling so many fireflies scurrying about
The ones heading south were of the most interest to me
For a brief moment,or so it seemed
As if I were superhuman and could leap
On top of a semitrailer and be whisked away
For the thousand miles that separated us
Falling right into your arms
Dawn arrives much too soon
And the fireflies,they all disapear
Desparation,and the reality of it all sets in
And I realize that you are gone from my highway of life
I`ts been awhile since I`ve been to that bridge
Even though I drive past it everyday
I should go back there one last time
Pick up the pieces that I left behind
Go the opposite way with no looking back
And search for a new path to walk
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Copyright © August 2003 Michael Bird
This Poem was Critiqued By: Brandon Gene Petit On Date: 2003-09-04 15:41:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.28205
One can reflect upon many things when viewing a scenic vista from inimicable heights. A
bridge, surely, is where many have stopped to daydream as they peer over blankly. The
character has an inner flame that cries for release, apparently bored with life or riddled
with suppressed emotions. Like the age-old dream of flying he wishes to escape from his
reality on the back of a moving vehicle ..... ignoring routine and surrenduring to the
call of unshaped destiny. Love, too, seems to be on his mind ..... an emotion that often
comes with a desperate cry of self-expression.
The fire-fly reference to the tiny passing lights is a nice
touch, and the dawn (as it often does) arrives too soon for the dreamer. Aloof on the
towering bridge he sees the intricate world and its cycles within a simplified perspective.
The character's actual thoughts and woes are obscure, yet the poem still proves to be
very effective and moving. Great work.
- Brandon
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-09-04 09:44:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.09722
Michael glad to see posts like this it depicts life and the path we take. The things that go through the mind at such moments knowing that this way feels right but a tougher path (more difficult) and possibly rewarding is just in the other direction one you have mended that which has taken part of you with them. Excellent for you had me rivited me from one stanza to the next and finally gave me the future goal of walking a new path. Anyone who says they haven't had moments in their life like this are either lying or have never lived. I like the three stanza approach the incident, the realization, and the future. I like the lack of punctuation another poet that realizes pauses are expected at the end of each line. Well done. Tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-09-01 12:13:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77419
Hi Michael,
Really good sustained analogy here. I like the energy of the poem and the visual and emotional landscape of it. I will make some suggestions to tighten it up a little – suggestions to move it along – which you are , of course. free to ignore. and I will attend the couple of typos – but I think it works really well and is a fine and complete story.
Sometimes late at night on a warm summer[‘]s eve
I [-] go for a walk
[When I come] to the bridge over the highway
I [ ]stand staring for hours [-]
Watching the cars and trucks below on the highway
Going north and south
Their headlights [scurry like fireflies]
The ones heading south [interest me the most]
[Sometimes it seems for brief moment]
As if I were superhuman and could leap
On top of a semi[-]trailer and be whisked away
[through] the thousand miles that [separate] us
[to fall] right into your arms
Dawn arrives much too soon
And the fireflies all [disappear]
[Desperation,] and the reality of it all sets in
And I realize that you are gone from my highway of life
[It’s] been awhile since [I’ve] been to that bridge
Even though I drive past it every[ ]day
I should go back there one last time
Pick up the pieces that I left behind
Go the opposite way with no looking back
And search for a new path to walk
Wonderful ending which resolves the conflict as the narrator comes to terms with
longing and make a conscience decision to move on with life
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2003-08-26 16:56:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44444
Hello Michael,
You spend yourself mightily in this verse. I believe the style of prose and narrative suits well your message. I do not think many will read this and not return to thier own "figuratively speaking" Bridge of Tears.
I did not notice a discernable pattern, that too suited your verse. What tragedy occurred certainly upset the patterns in your life. I found only one "typo/misspelling" in the final stanza, "I'ts" should be It's.
Transferring the carlights to fireflies, and on to humanity was a very effective metaphor. It worked particularly well since you go on to speak of jumping to a semi, and joining the flow, the flying as a firefly could.
When fireflies leave, as your subject leaves you, is a haunting moment in the poem.
Your final stanza, holds us all, and once again you gather us in as participants, who all know, to some extent that path not taken, and the association once loved, now lost.
A wonderful verse. On my voting list!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-08-20 18:50:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.03704
It is never easy letting go of someone you love and your words and images are haunting indeed......to love and be loved and then separated by thousands of miles, never to be again.......it is good that you want to go back and pick up the pieces of your life and then head in the opposite direction......like the way you used fireflies and headlights which both sparkle in the night......nice metaphor....good structure as well my friend and your words flow bringing forth images as one reads.....
You have brought forth the presence of the warm summer night, the walk, the stopping on the bridge and the thoughts presented within your own heart come forth to you......a yearning for what once was and now you know it no longer can be.....still very sad but I hope you are able to go on for life is good.....thanks for posting, be safe and God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Darlene A Moore On Date: 2003-08-20 15:55:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.95455
A poem about "parting", the end of a relationship, the transition of mind and heart.
Just a few technical suggestions: a few less "ing" verbs in stanza one, drop "they" after fireflies in second stanza. not needed.
To continue the metaphor in the last line...are path/walk the words you need or something
else with highways theme ? byway,ride, navigate,etc.
Well executed piece. Maintained interest throughout.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2003-08-20 13:33:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Michael,
I was captured by this work. The feelings portrayed here
are essentially what it means to be removed by distance from
someone we love. I want you to know how much I like this work
before I begin my critique.
I'm not sure what it is about certain poets and their lack of
punctuation, but it rarely works for me. There are of course exceptions.
Most notably e.e.cummings, but even he used line breaks as comas.
There are moments in this poem where the lack of a coma or a period
enables different reads and there are times when there absence only serves
to confuse the reader. Comas can lend rhythm to a piece, unless of course you wish
the entire piece to be read in one breath.
Sometimes late at night(,)on a warm summers eve(,)
I would go for a walk
And come to the bridge over the highway(.)
I could (would) stand there staring for hours on end
Watching the cars and trucks below on the highway
Going north and south(,)
Their headlights resembling so many fireflies scurrying about
The use of "could" doesn't lend itself to the passion of the moment.
Could implys that you might have, theoretically you could have,
or perhpas you wish you had, and maybe this is the case, but I don't
think so. Nice alliteration on "stand there staring for hours".
Nice pulling rhymes on "end" and "re(semb)ling", "about" and "south".
The ones heading south were of the most interest to me(.)
For a brief moment,or so it seemed(,)
(It was)As if I were superhuman and could leap
On top of a semitrailer and be whisked away
For the thousand miles (separating)that separated us(,)
Falling right into your arms(.)
Dawn arrives much too soon
And the fireflies,they all disapear(.)
Desparation (Desperation)(,omit)and the reality of it all sets in
And I realize that you are gone from my highway of life(.)
("highway of life" sounds a bit trite. Give this a little reflection and
your own unique metaphor will come to you.
I`ts (It's) been awhile since I`ve been (on) that bridge(,)
Even though I drive past it everyday(.)
I should go back there one last time(,)
Pick up the pieces that I left behind(,)
Go the opposite way with no looking back
And search for a new path to walk(.)
I love this sentiment. It works as it is, but here is what I wished for.
I should go back there one last time,
picking up the pieces I left behind,
and take a superhuman leap onto a truck going north
and forge a new path, without looking back.
I hope these suggestions do not offend you in any way. This critiquing is
an awkard business at best. I know that sometimes after a critique I say to myself,
"What the hell is this person talking about?", and sometimes that is the appropriate
response. But there are times when, after reflection, I can't help but feel that
the person offered up some useful advice. I hope this is one of those. If not,
it's O.K., because I rarely know what the hell I'm talking about.
I hope it is obvious to you that I enjoyed this poem.
Rick
This Poem was Critiqued By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2003-08-19 23:50:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.44898
Michael,
Your "Bridge of Tears" is the ironic tale of love lost. The word bridge seems symbolic of the speaker not letting go. I enjoyed the image of the fireflies. Very expressive "viewing" from the bridge. The pain is felt deeply. The fact the speaker drives every day and doesn't stop is interesting. The conclusion of the poem brings us to a near conclusion for the situation. An enjoyable read. I hope the speaker decides to find a new path...he has much to give.
Andrea
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