This Poem was Submitted By: Paul R Lindenmeyer On Date: 2003-10-14 11:05:22 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Eight Dollar Dumb Dad

Got up at 5:30    the fog slowed the flow, the brights were useless,   the crawling red tail lights and boring right hand white line   the only navigational tools. Your school finally arrives,   later than usual, and I ask, as usual:   Got any money? Nope. Ok, here's eight bucks.   The smile is plenty of thanks. I love you's exchanged.   Fogged in I think, great kid! Pick up at 3:30   Day go ok? Yea. Hungry? Yea.   You buying? Nope. You got eight bucks!   I used it. Flustered,    On what! A kid who was hungry   and didn't have lunch. No fog now,   clearly great kid, clearly dumb dad.   What's to say, except, I'll buy..      

Copyright © October 2003 Paul R Lindenmeyer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2003-11-04 11:27:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.22222
Paul, You should be very proud of your kid. I like the poem very much the direct clear language and the short lines help to keep the reader moving through the story. keep on writing and I look forward to seeing your name on my list again. Sandra

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2003-11-01 09:40:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.38462
Dear Paul, I have read and reread this work and like it more and more. This son of yours is a great son and a good example of how you have raised him! A ray of sunshine on a foggy day, compassionate and in tune to the feelings of others. I like him! Nice tribute to him and lots of visuals in this poem. I could "see" each line. Thanks for sharing, Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rebecca B. Whited On Date: 2003-10-26 20:37:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Paul, I like the juxtaposition of fog/clear used. In the early morning fog/confusion, you gave him/her eight bucks for lunch [shame on you, Dad!! LOL] Both in the fog and in the clear light of day, you think, 'great kid'...don't we all feel that way about our kids? Aren't you glad that your child provided for one who would have to go without lest he/she gave them money? Dumb dad? Perhaps not, after all, or children are a product of their rearing, are they not? I am glad that you bought him/her the hamburger! Who wouldn't? LOL Great read! Thanks for reminding me of my kids, and how I have traveled the same road before, fog and all! Beck
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-10-18 18:44:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61111
I enjoyed this poem. The poem is unmetered and unrhymed, and reads well. The story was interesting to me and I was surprised at the $8.00. (In my day I got 25 cents for the week as allowance, and 15 cents once a week for ice-cream at school.) The one thing that caught my attention was, "Your school finally arrives, later than usual," Do you think it would make more sense if it read, "The (school) bus (van) finally arrives, later than usual," ? I really had to re-read this a few times before I understood it. Otherwise it's a good story. Thanks for the memories. By the way, Dad isn't dumb, simply not a mind reader! Rene
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-10-16 04:01:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.70000
Paul--great rendition of a age old situation--ferrying the kid(s) to school at O' dark 30, when you still have to get ready for your gig. The conversation is very familiar as well. We parents have all been there, done that and even bought the tee shirt. Being taken advantage of by our youngsters is part of our parental jobs and much of our kids rights--I think. Thanks for keeping it real. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-10-15 17:32:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.40000
Dear Paul, Nice to meet you. Your title is one that draws the reader in right away! lol Now this is a situation anyone with kids older then five can relate to. If you give 'em money they will find a way to spend it. But it does my heart good to think he spent it on as noble a thing as buying lunch for someone in need. You like to think that you raised them right in the end. I like the style of this, Paul. It goes kind of like a stream of conciousness. I also like what you did with the fog. And I've driven in fog enough to know that this is the only way to navigate for: "the fog slowed the flow, the brights were useless, the crawling red tail lights and boring right hand white line the only navigational tools." I like your ending how you realize that of course He's a great kid and POOF your fog is gone! Thanks for a light cheerful message to brighten our days. We sure won't get that by wtching the news. Will we? Have a great evening, Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-10-14 22:21:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
Great tale poet and one that you can be proud of for I can honestly see your son buying lunch for the kid that had none......are we not all guilty of handing out money to our children and even when full grown it seems the pattern was set and continues to present I take my oldest daughter to lunch once a week......I should say we go to lunch once a week and it seems mom always pays the tab........but that's okay since the company is good and I love her dearly.....Love those smiles our kids give us and the best are when nothing is exchanged.....the other day I got an e-mail from my youngest and it began Hi mom......I wrote back and told her I just love it when she starts her e-mail with Hi mom.....brings joy to my heart so respond she did with Hi mom and since you like it I shall say it one more time....HI MOM...... Your poem brings back memories of younger days when times were hard on parents, only dad worked and income was not great.......I used to babysit and gave my younger brother spending money so he would not go and ask our dad for any......don't know if he did or didn't but I felt good about helping my dad......he died too young he did....forty years ago now......wish he was here to give back a few dollars, but better yet a smile and hug as stated would be just fine.... Thanks for sharing this with us, a great piece to share with others, hoping it makes the winner list as well for it has brought joy to my heart.....nice structure, good word flow and images that take hold, carress your soul. Thanks for posting and sharing this with us and enjoy those morning rides to and from school with your children. God Bless, be safe, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-10-14 20:55:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Hi Paul, There is not a parent alive that won't be in tune with this piece. It is so typical and you wrote it with wonderful humor. The exchanges are wonderful as kids usually speak as little as daughter would tell about her day with enthusiasm but her brothers just did the one or two word thing and call it good. Your poem reminded me of when I was growing up...back in the dark ages and before recorded time...I never got an allowance but when my parents gave me money to go to the store I somehow forgot to give them the change. I learned years later that they were on to me and that is why I never needed an allowance! You are not a 'dumb dad' just a loving one and very blessed to have such a great kid. Enjoy as they grow up so fast you don't know what hit you. Thanks for sharing this part of your day with us. Peace...Marilyn
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