This Poem was Submitted By: Mary E. Gustas On Date: 2003-10-21 18:49:06 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © October 2003 Mary E. Gustas
An aromatic fragrance fills the room.
I catch a whiff and wonder,
what is this pleasant perfume
that now nudges my nose?
I take a deep breath and inhale the
sweet-smelling, spicy scent.
It’s at that moment I discover
the source of the wonderful bouquet,
it’s the fragrance of your desire for me.
I see a beautiful room,
dimly lit by a mélange of candles.
Melting slowly, filling the room
with a warm amber glow.
Warmth overtakes me.
Watching as each wick burns,
Becoming hot at the thought of the fire.
Then I discover the source of this heat,
it’s the heat of your passion I feel.
I glance over to see an elegantly set table,
fine crystal and silver glimmers.
The beauty enchants me, delighting my eyes,
tempting me to feast on the wonderful offerings.
Exploring this exotic cuisine.
Flavors, exciting, erotic, and new.
It’s then I discover my hunger.
To be filled with passion, warmth, desire.
Soul satisfied, belly full…Alarm rings.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-11-05 13:19:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85000
This is a poem rife with ernest desire, warmth, passion, love, etc! Though these
things are only manifested in night dreams, still I can feel the ignition of your
words and the sensation is proliferating. First of all, I enjoyed every word and
description you put in here. It is a usual caress but the way you presented it
is very exotic.
The application of unique format and structure is also remarkable which adds the taste.
The indention is catchy! Some night dreams are horrendous which I sometimes experience
but it no compare that we also have dreams that are awesome like this. By the way,
what makes us dream good or bad? Some say that you can dream bad things when you sleep
with a full stomach. Do you believe in that? Anyway....the title is intriguing
that can draw the readers' curiousity what are these night dreams...
so let me explore the contents....
Your first input is indeed suggestic a romantic feel with this aromatic fragrance
that nudges your nose. The romantic sensation is spiced up pleasing alliteration
such as the fricative 'f' in fragrance/fills, 'w' in whiff/wonder, the plosive 'p'
in pleasant/perfume and 'n' in nudges/nose and many more.
In your story, you are dreaming of your man you discover that the source of that sweet smell
wonderful bouquet is the fragrance of his desire for you. Then your poem brings me
to the romantic scene in that beautiful room. The imagery is really adorable with that
amber glow of candles. I like the way you detailed the story like "Watching as each wick burns"
is something that gives a thrill.
That night dream experience is really cherishing that you don't want it to end. But hate the alarm
it's ringing! SMILE!
Thank you very much. It is a delight to read. For me, your poem stands flawless.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2003-10-26 19:56:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
You had me going, just oozing all soft and melting about thinking of this beautiful picture of passion and love. LOL...then you hit me with the last line...It's only a dream! I love O Henry type of endings. The twist and the surprise at the end and this one was great!
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-10-23 17:25:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.34615
I was so into this poem that I had forgotten the title and when I
read the last line..."Alarm rings" I felt like stomping my feet and
saying "this is too delicious to be a dream!"..."sweet smelling, spicy
scent (wonderful 's' sounds)..it's he fragrance of your desire for me."
I love this line...descriptive..sensual. The image of the room is
perfect for this poem...dimly lit candles, warm amber glow...perfect
setting for lovers ( I hate that this is a dream!)..."warmth overtakes me
becoming hot at the thought of fire"..."it's the heat of your passion I
feel"...then you see the elegant table with crystal and silver..you are
enchanted and tempted...I think this table represents an enchanting and
tempting lover! More words to tempt the reader...exotic, flavors,
exciting, erotic...(love the use of exotic and erotic here) new, hunger,
passion, warmth, satisfaction, all the words one can use to describe
a passionate union between woman and man. But then the readers hearts
sink when the alarms sounds! Loved this...great work!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-10-23 07:10:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.47500
Poet: Lovely indeed the images you presente forth with the flare of your pen here within the lines of this read......Indeed a very seductive scene yet something I could not find in my dreams with my husband who would not even venture to try something like this.....I love candles and watching them burn, the aroma indeed that does take over one's senses.....your images not only burst forth but the aroma joins in as well.
When one is so wrapped up within the boundaries of this dream ready for the feast and to be feasted upon the alarm rings causing it all to come to an end.....wow....what a punch......
Nicely structured, great word flow and again, images are superb. Perhaps you might find another dream spot and write a sequel for us to share......be safe and God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2003-10-22 19:48:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.89474
Oh Mary, you tease with this..Alarm rings...isn't that always the way when a beautiful dream assails our subconcious, isn't that a fitting conclision for such a passinate, and artistically rendered romantic poem. This is as hot as all the burning tapers, the beautifully laid out romantic hidway, bringing lovely sensation, all set so great in this what I shall refer to as a tease, but you did did it, you grabbed this reader, and had me all warmed up for an most alluring conclusion, then the rug slipped from under my feet, The alarm rang, all I can say is oh yes, how many lovely dreams have been ruinied by the alarm.
Gtreat job, really cute you know, you reved up the engine, and failed to leave the start, but just spun your tires, and left me with soot and grime all over my face, ha ha. Love it.
Best regards, excellent writing maybe we need a complete romantic love poem from you with complete finish, for if all the stanze, emotion and sensation that you used in what I call brilliant form, presentation, and projection are an indication of your ability to write a love poem are in strong evidence. try it, no alarm clocks though, just the complete romantic ability you've proven you have.
Best regards, Jo Morgan, no suggestions from me I can't write romance like that I can only read it, and feel all the sensations.....what a closing.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-10-22 14:40:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.20000
Mary--What a seductive scene you set. Brilliant, erotic descriptors depicting romantic highlights that we've all---is it hot in here or what? Great lead-ons, however, the dreaded Coitus Interruptus (darn alarm clock). Maybe a sequel where this dream will be revisited and the act will be consummated. Thanks for sharing and making our day (keep writing!!) TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-10-22 10:09:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.55556
What a nice dream this is!
You express yourself very well and I'm glad we at TPL get to reap the benefits
of your love expressions.
Your aliterations fill this 1st stanza up with nothing but good floaty feelings:
fragrance/fills, whiff/wonder/what, pleasant/perfume, now/nudges/nose
Then in the 2nd stanza "sweet-smelling, spicey scent" pleasingly draws me into the dream.
Stanza 3 has the most wonderful imagry with its warm amber glow from a melting melange of
candles. And I like the way this warm feeling I get from that leads right into stanza 4
and the warmth overtaking you. The "W" repititions of warth/watching/wick make this fervor glow here.
The imagry again in stanza 5 is wonderful with the inviting table set before you. It seems to beacon
the reader to the feast.
Speaking of feasting, this last stanza is full of "E" reptitions in exploring/exotic/exciting/
erotic. The soft rhyme here also is lulling all the senses to float in your tempting dream.
My only suggestion is this:
Being as this has turned into one long dream, I would suggest you take the "s"
off the title and call it "Night Dream".
But either way this is such a lovely poem.
IT's like a breath of fresh air for this reader.
Thanks for sharing this one!
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