This Poem was Submitted By: stephen g skipper On Date: 2003-11-09 19:42:34 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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A Better Man

A glorious new dawn, A dawn of hope and honesty I've cried a thousand tears, They've all been caught by angels, without wings, When I danced with you last night, I saw the girl of yesteryear. Hold my hand and move to the beat, A slow shuffle of our world weary feet. I shout at God! But he's not listening. I need to feel your love, Now and forever after. Because without your love, This world has lost it's meaning. Am I supposed to grow through this pain? And become a better man. Is that Gods special plan? If it is I want none of this. I'd trade it all for a tender kiss!

Copyright © November 2003 stephen g skipper

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-11-29 22:05:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.41667
Hi Stephen, This lovely poem makes my heart ache and I wish I had the answer for you..."is this what God wants"...."am I suppose to grow through this pain"...I think I told you my husband was ill for about 10 years before he passed away...but the last three or four years were the hardest... ...for both of us. I too wondered what purpose this agony was suppose to accomplish but I never found out. It is written that there is a plan for all of us. When I was told I would die and then I did not I I then questioned why I was spared when other people who may have had more to offer died. What I did do was dedicate myself to helping anyone that needed it with emotional support and encouragement. But I still don't know if that was 'the plan.' When I read the first line of this poem I was sure you had been given the miricle you are searching for. "A glorious new dawn, a dawn of hope and honesty"..uplifting beginning but then "I've cried a thousand tears...they have all been caught by angles without wings." Angles without wings is inspirational in this piece and pathos is felt by the reader. Then you describe dancing with your love and do it so lovingly that I can almost fell the beat of the music too. The pain and agony that you feel at this time is understandable and warrented. I don't know what to say as my heart is heavy after reading your I will just say a prayer. Blessings...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-11-21 17:39:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.67857
Your opening two lines tell me there is still hope in your heart and hers as well............a new this is the first day of the rest of your lives......enjoy each new dawn as they come my friend... I've cried a thousand tears, They've all been caught by angels, without wings, I like the above two lines very much Stephen for they tell me you have some very special people in your lives at this moment.....angels without wings.....very special indeed and they stand by you both......they are ready to laugh with you as well as catch those tears as they fall from your eyes.....and please know it is good to cry when you helps release the tension within and lifts your spirit as well..... As far as being a better man....dear poet.....the day your love shined through to this girl and has remained strong during all these long months of pain, agony, suffering, perhaps a time of reprise as well in which you might have danced into the night, holding each other tight and those nights when you just sat side by side, whether on the couch or in bed......a time of peace within each others soul as well......and God.....well He loves you both......we never honestly know His plan.......when we accept His plan for whatever purpose He has then we grow.....but to become a better man by it......perhaps that is not God's special plan.....Just know He loves you my friend and will never leave you.......I understand the pain you are in, the sorrow you must feel and the love you do not want to let is most difficult for you to post these poems filled with so many emotions.....yet, I thank you for sharing this with keeps us closer to you and your wife as well knowing she is still in our prayers......Be safe, God Bless and know this piece reaches out and touches my heart as well......Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Annette L Cowling On Date: 2003-11-13 07:22:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Stephen - I really enjoyed this poem! It has such an elegant romantic quality about it. I particularily love the part in the second stanza about tears being caught by angels without wings. That description alone sets the mood for a wonderful poem. Looking back on days gone by and dancing with the same woman is needless to say a blissfully romantic notion. I like your poem. Keep up the great work! Annette
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-11-10 15:44:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Hi Steve, A Better Man? How intriguing is the title! In my first glimpse at the title, what cropped up in my mind was all those virtues that a better man should have with respect to all the facets in life, i.e., emotional, psychological, mental and more importantly spiritual. Anyway, that were just my first thoughts. But the poem, as far as I grasped, it speaks about the pain of loving and the pain in love! It could be lost of love or a love that is hindered by whatever obstacles it may hinder. Basically, this poem is a release of emotional tension that after an overwhelming experience, it seeks the answer why those things are happening. It is quite intriguing because the first input is a wonderfully peaceful scenario. It seems to suggest that before the pain of love, the emotion of that person is quite at rest. The second input is the start of the outburst of emotion: I've cried a thousand tears, They've all been caught by angels, without wings, I like the second line with the association of the wingless angels. It is a figurative language working here. Hold my hand and move to the beat, A slow shuffle of our world weary feet. ----an unexpected rhyme gave me a pause with the nice allits of 's' and 'w': slow/shuffle/world/weary. I shout at God! But he's not listening. ---I find this line new! Interesting! Because without your love, This world has lost it's meaning. -----no apostrophe is needed here [its meaning] Is that Gods special plan? ----------but here, apostrophe is needed [God's special plan] If it is I want none of this. This is practical because sometimes in our lives we sometimes question the way things are going. Why is it like this/that? We sometimes question God. I came in that point also. But it is for us to believe that everything is designed for a purpose. Thank you, Steve, for sharing. Amidst your sickness you still have the time to share this with us. Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sean Donaghy On Date: 2003-11-10 12:39:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.20000
Stephen - Love lost? Obviously. Love regained? Maybe...but at a cost (Isn't it dangerous to thwart God's plans?) Your poem is interesting, obviously written from both sides of a broken heart and that might be the source of the difficulty it harbors. Maybe, take a step aside and write this from outside your feelings, make it more universal. Thank you for sharing this effort. S.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-11-10 10:19:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Stephen--There's nothing complicated about this poem. The loss of a loved one (break-up, divorce or death) is truely hurtful and without parallel. The anguish is apparent throughout the piece: some obvious lashing out and all to no avail. A turning to friends was of little comfort, i.e., "...cried a thousand tears...caught by angels, without wings..." and prayer didn't (I shout at God!...he's not listening.") give you what you 'wanted.' This is real anger!! You took a plain language (added a few metaphors-smile) and straight forward tact to express a longing for a return to a happier past. This thing is all consuming and at some point must be let go. Maybe this is that catharsis which will allow "A glorious new dawn..." Then again, I may have missed your entire intent--for that I apologize. Thanks for sharing this with TPL. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-11-10 04:09:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
you can make this poem better by using words that you and your readers can SEE just like in the first few line. the line "i shout at God" is a good line. the next line can be better if you use other words that you can see in your mind.FOR EXAMPLE: i shout at God...BUT HE COVERS HIS EARS.this line means the same as "hes not listening" but the difference is that you can see it.i hope you got what i meant. happy revising!
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