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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-12-14 15:06:49 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Ice Daggers

ice daggers dribble melted snow willingly drops filling eager sod

Additional Notes:
Thanks Erzahl for letting me pick your brain

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-01-03 15:28:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
This is very lovely and descriptive. Takes me back to my Winnipeg days. The only thing that makes it not a perfect haiku - if haiuku is your intention -is the atribution of personification in "willingly" as we do not really know the intention of a drop of melting snow and for the same reason - "eager" for the sod. In haiku - one allows the action of nature herself to make the connection human life and emotions.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-12-25 21:04:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Marilyn, “Ice Daggers” - I like the title! Somehow mysterious, eye and ear-catching! Plus, it shoots the contents of the haiku well. I’m glad you enjoyed and trusted my amateur advice. You are very welcome! Likewise, I have also learned a lot from you guys! I like how you changed the word “thirsty” to “eager”. The general interpretation of the word “eager” stops confusions and questions on the supposed-to-be “thirsty” entry - great decision! Nice choice of word! I believe I have detailed my great impression about the theme, message and the entire presentation of the poem in a separate critique / reply. Again, I enjoyed the bunch of alliteration and double letters, playing around the poem especially the contagious letter “L”. And some rhyming partners like “drops” and “sod”, “willingly” and “filling”, and now the “eager” and “daggers”. The imageries stay amusing and pleasurable. Now, it is vividly perfect to the season. As I reread it again and again, the images are much clearer to me now…and I appreciate it more. Thanks for posting this for our enjoyment! Keep it up Marilyn! You have a reader here! As always, Erzahl :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-12-23 18:34:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92308
Dear Marilyn, This is beautiful imagry in Haiku form. You have established a perfect 5-7-5 syllable count and I can picture these ice daggers dripping. Sometimes the cold can be so bitter and stabbing like little ice daggers. That's what I "feel" from this image. We have a place under the gutter on our front stoop that always gets an icicle forming when the snow starts to melt ( mostly because our clogged gutters need a good cleaning). It kind of scares me to walk under it and I walk around it instead. :) I find it quite lovely you have personified the snow and given it a will of it's own. Then you also personify the ground as eager and therefore apparently thirsty. Kind of like the snow is the Mother and the ground is the baby with it's mouth open and waiting for nourishment. I've truely enjoyed this Haiku and hope to see you write more of this style. Thanks for posting and sharing this beauty. Blessings, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-12-19 01:58:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.37500
marilyn, you did a good job with this haiku. i felt its power in such short lines... ice daggers,...snow willingly drops...the picture is very well captured in so short a poem.in short i liked it.thanks for sharing it.april

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-12-15 13:11:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.73333
Seems like you are describing the activity going on the porch as I type....the snow is melting, the water seems to be dripping though icicles formed during the night and the earth below is the recipient of the goodness of nature.....nice picture.........good structure with the 5-7-5 flow to it.......nature is the theme which is what most Haiku's are all about.....I am glad Erzahl was there for you it seems he is a master as these and is able to help many of us.......a gift from God perhaps ........thanks for posting and sharing this and I look forward to more of your Haiku's my friend......not easy to create one...bravo for you. Be safe, enjoy the holiday and God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2003-12-15 09:10:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Dear Marilyn I see you have been inspired by Erzahl also. I am beginning to enjoy the haiku form. Short, sweet but says so much! This is very nice, thanks for sharing. Sherri

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-12-14 23:06:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
A successful attempt at haiku, Marilyn! Thanks to Erzahl that he had inspired you to write this! This one is a wonderful season's greeting. It is timely for I heard some places in United States that are snowing right now. Here, in the Philippines, it's just getting a little colder but the sunshine is still there. I like the metaphor of ice daggers. The use of the action verb "dribble" is interestingly appropriate! It creates a wonderful 'd' alliteration. In the second stanza I can visualize the scene though I haven't experienced snow yet. How I wish to have it here in your place even once a year. Sad, ours are only typhoons! My God, I hate it! But I am enjoying seeing outside some materials are flying together with the leaves of the trees and the branches. SMILE! The willingness of the snow to drop is dramatic and it seems that it is also enjoying itself filling eager sod! I enjoyed the nice imagery while you met the form 5-7-5 syllabication. Thanks for sharing. Right now, here in our place it is shining! How bad! Just kiddin'! Is snow dangerous also? If so, take care. Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-12-14 19:45:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91667
Marilyn--I didn't know you haiku, and very nicely I might add. All technicalities met (5-7-5 syllables; three lines; nature theme). Of course, this is a very apt seasonal piece and so suited to the title. Pleaseant imagery presented by the descriptors in all three lines. Good sound and picture produced by alliterations ...daggers/dribble. Thanks for posting your first effort on TPL, and please don't let this be your last. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2003-12-14 16:09:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn: I usually don't critique haiku because you know I like to meld with a poem, really inhale it, and haiku is so spare. I do not feel comfortable with the form, as composer or critic, but your words call out to me. The title could be improved, IMO, because it is your first two words and gives away too much of the poem. There are so many options: "Snow Scythes" or "Ice Swords" or "Ice Epees" or "Ice Sabers"....etc, etc. Your metaphor is grand...the ice as dagger and you have allits with daggers/dribble. You use the D sound effectively three more times which enhances the 1st line. The personification of snow is also a treat...that it "willingly" drops as if it has a choice. The short O in drops/sod make almost a slant rhyme and it is ear pleasing. The internal rhyme of willing/filling is also harmonious. I like your descriptor for sod: "eager"...as that is how I imagine dry earth, longing to slake its thirst. That last line is the making of the poem for me...the payoff we want as readers. Ice may be daggers and melted snow may drip but "filling eager sod" is a reward for Mother earth, especially in view of your drought. The five susurrant sounds in your S words remind me of dribbling water so I find this another grand display of linguistic talent. In toto, this is a very pleasing haiku with its lovely imagery and sounds. I find it an accomplished piece of writing so congrats and kudos. Sprigs of laurel, Mell

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