This Poem was Submitted By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2004-01-13 18:06:38 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Love As A Postcard

Love as a postcard Showed up  Alone in the post On a day when most  Folks received no mail at all. Love as a postcard Hosted a scene So damned serene I wished I were there. Love as a post card Said, “Wish you were here.” And on the back in faded ink; Signed, Someone Near. I thought I knew love better And deserved at least a letter. But as quickly as love came, And as swiftly as love went, Love as a postcard  Is all she sent...

Copyright © January 2004 Rick Barnes

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-02-07 04:16:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Hi Rick, As always, your lines and words are dramatic and romantic. “Love as a Postcard”, telling a thousand thoughts, from the “serene” images, to those romantic “messages”, you captured its true essence. With the high tech features that surrounds us like mobile phone, text messages, emails, and the likes, hmmm…I seldom received these personal postcard. How I missed this “special touch of hearts”. I like the ironic statement of your ending stanza: “I thought I knew love better And deserved at least a letter. But as quickly as love came, And as swiftly as love went, Love as a postcard Is all she sent...” --- I thought too. Wow, “love came…love went”. Such great deliverance. Astounding! You are good in this kind of lines. I will never see a postcard again, without remembering your words here. It stuck within my mind. Thanks for another entertaining read! You never disappoint! As always, Erzahl :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-02-05 09:56:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87879
Hi Rick , with Valentines Day approaching, I am not surprised to find this offering. I consider you the King of Love poems. This is a different spin on love. I think I want to recieve love as a package from Tivol Jewelers. :) You add an air of mystery with: "Alone in the post On a day when most Folks received no mail at all." and: "And on the back in faded ink; Signed, Someone Near." This is a nice touch. Theres kind of a quaint, nostalgic flavor here also, because long ago (certainly before I was born)postcards used to be the preferred communication before the advent of telephones and of course now email. I remember that my Mom had a box of postcards that she traded with relatives and friends she saved over the years. Your use of rhyme adds dimension with post/most, scene/serene, here/near, better/letter, sent/went. The idea of love as a postcard as opposed to at least a letter or better yet a fancy homemade valentine with a love poem in it, is an intriguing thought. Even when it's sad or heartbreaking love, you're still the King, Rick. And you never gush. I like that. Blessings, Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-02-05 08:24:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57692
My imagination is running dry today my friend....tired I imagine I just came home from hospital,...treating still for pneumonia and gallbladder attack....imagine that at 92.....she is testy and I would not count her as being love on any post card.... Love the structure of this piece and the easy word flow it brings as one reads down and the images which allow each reader to see and feel perhaps what they might want within the lines......from beginning to end this has been worth the read and I have stopped by more then once my friend. The title is catches one's attention. Thanks for posting and sharing with us.......nice rhyme to this one too my friend. be safe and God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-02-02 17:33:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72727
Hi Rick, Very melodic (even though sad in many ways), you managed nicely once again to grab the heartstrings. You strung out the linguists enough that no doubt this poem would catch many, remembering how, there have been the wishful thinking, laid out so nicely in poetic form. Sorry I havn't been able to respond earlier, but by the time I initially read this poem my senses went to my lastest friendship, which could have been much more, both of us a product of many years in relationships that made it impossible to even consider, but I felt as if in the end I had received a post card, there one minute, gone another. Was it wishful thinking? Could be, but your poems caused great reflection for me. Adjustments in life are like breating, you just do it, but boy I was the relationship had been more then just a post card. I guess this poem in all ways affects the sensations, yet I havn't ever read anything you've posted that hasn't affects the senses, in the full extreme of the word....Good poem Rick, against a part of your romantic, wishful side, and the big question, WHY? didn't it work out....Good luck luck always, Jo
This Poem was Critiqued By: Robin Ann Crandell On Date: 2004-01-22 03:58:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Rick, What a sweet and touching poem. I can actually see me as who you are writing about. I would do something like that. It's very nice and easy to read. There are no part where the reader would get confused or tied up. I feel at a loss for words because I have thought the same as you. But as quickly as love came, And as swiftly as love went, Love as a postcard Is all she sent... What a fabulous ending. I can't even describe how awesome that ending is. "Love as a post- card, is all she sent..." How romantic... uhhh... sort of puts me in a dreaming state. Thank you so much for sharing. I look forward to reading more of your writings. Robin.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-01-21 15:51:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
This poem feels to me as brief and filled with the wished for pangs. In a sense it's too short, but the shortness accounts for the feeling of being left with regret, or a longing that one wishes they wouldn't want to yet give up. I had those feelings about the end of this poem, so in that you were effective. I also like this poem with the postcard reference. I read another poem with a different slant on this more traditional look at it, and havign read that one, it makes me appreciate this poem more. I also like that the ending is revealed right at the end. Great job. Thanks, REEG!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erica L. Badger On Date: 2004-01-15 23:21:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
This is really cute and sweet! I love how it flows and how every word and line seems to just fit right in. I really liked the last four lines, they seem to make a good ending for such a sweet sounding poem! But I don't completely understand the meaning of it, I'm not very good at comprehending what I read, it kind of seems like a giant riddle to me. But thanks for sharing this, I thought it was nicely done none the less! ~Erica
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-01-14 18:45:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Rick: Another winning gem from your pen. One aspect I really like is the cadence established by your words and pacing. It sounds metered when read aloud. Of course, you employ more poetics that one can enumerate but the rhyme here is particularly charming. "Love as a postcard Showed up Alone in the post On a day when most Folks received no mail at all." The 1st stanza is intriguing...the card was alone...were you expecting other mail? (I know from having read the entirety that you hoped for a letter). The other interesting point is that your card arrived alone when other (most) people received nothing. This says to me that the card may be less than you wanted but more than other people have. The rhymes post/most enhance the opener. "Love as a postcard Hosted a scene So damned serene I wished I were there." This smacks of a little resentment on your part, your lover is in a beautiful setting while you're home alone. (Perhaps alone). You reverse the usual message by saying you wished you were there. Ditto serene/scene. "Love as a postcard Said, "Wish you were here." And on the back in faded ink, Signed, Someone Near." The signature seems a bit lieu of Buffy or Sweet Thang..."someone near." I am very curious about the ink's being faded. I realize that portrays where the relationship seems to be but how does ink fade so quickly? Or did she write it and it wasn't important enough to mail soon? Here/near continues the harmony of sound imagery. "I thought I knew love better And deserved at least a letter. But as quickly as love came, And as swiftly as love went, .....I like the repetition of love.... Love as a postcard Is all she sent..." You want more from the relationship than she is willing/able to give and you measure emotion by the size of her epistle to you. You DESERVED a letter but she didn't agree. Ergo, you assume the love is over because of the "postcard only" episode. This bespeaks a life with lack of commitment for or from you, a series of unsatisfactory relationships that end before they have really begun. The simile of love as a postcard is grand and pure Rickism. There is something intangible about this piece, as is often true of your poetry, that makes it magical and yet I can't say for which reason. For a plethora of reasons says it better but is not what I'm trying to point out. On the surface, the poem appears "simple" fancy words, no novel construction...but it says so much. (Reminiscent of Creeley's minimalism). It's a peripheral, archetypal response on my trying to see something from the corner of my eye, but frontally, it disappears. Always something roiling under the surface...I can feel it but lack the ability to limn it in words. I hope you do not find this totally insane but I rather think you will comprehend my feeling. A winner for sure, Rick, and one of my favorites. There is something still vibrating in my head like a tuning fork. Bravo! Ole' Meller
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-01-14 18:26:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Rick: I read this offering yesterday and wanted time to allow the words to soak in before responding. Finding a poem of yours ranks with some of my life's best moments of delight. (You may be aware of this.) As I've learned to do from you, I cannot help but go deeper than the surface of this work. And the surface of it is a commendable poem on disappointment at only receiving "love as a postcard." A bit of regret in response to the little, which "is all she sent." I may wander into the realm of the speculative, with your permission, in these comments. Hmmm. Seems as if our hero has had a symbolic visit from "Love" - and it is a singular signal, coming as it does, "alone in the post" and particularly of note as it occurs on a day when "most/Folks received no mail at all." We, reading, are the "most folks" which are now receiving your "mail." What is a postcard, after all, but condensed communication, information or news that is coming our way. Our hero really does recognize that this signal is an important one. He can't be in the shoes or observe through the eyes of 'those other folks' who, he states, didn't receive any mail. He is aware of the conundrum of having received love 'as' (disguised?) a postcard. A bit of circumlocution, I know, but it takes me a lot of words to dance around your few pithy ones. And dancing around is all I am doing. Observing the singularity of this arrival of a 'postcard' has caught the attention of the speaker. Does his observation of it change its meaning? The one who sent the postcard, the Someone Near, as 'he' defines 'her' may represent a sweetheart, who has taken up residence in another part of the world (known to our hero as a 'place') but is elusive as mercury. If they never meet again, the shared memories fade, and their worlds slowly return to almost their previous separateness. They'll never be the same again, but our hero & Someone Near are still themselves. How do such disparate consciousnesses relate to one another? Were they at one time united?? When one 'being' splits into two, how do we then look at them? If we have observed them both - at the moment of their separation, they each remain 'local' - that is, separate. The person who speaks and "Someone Near" can never be rejoined as one entity again, or can they? What if we observe each of them a second time? If it were not for the first observation, we would know nothing about their relationship 'cause there wouldn't be one. Oh, dang, I cannot hold this thought! Love as a postcard Hosted a scene So damned serene I wished I were there. I am laughing here - feeling that the joke is on me. The speaker WAS/IS there! Observing it yet remaining distant from it is an impossible point of view, IMO. Love as a post card Said, “Wish you were here.” And on the back in faded ink; Signed, Someone Near. Maybe there is no "one reality" and to peek at it as "Love as a postcard" may make one yearn and hunger for their to BE one! If time is about *direction* then the faded ink on the card implies that the reader of it perceives the writing to have happened in the "faded" past; however, "Someone Near" remains accurate, as the 'arrow of time' is but an illusion. In that case, our hero doesn't need to fret as he appears to be doing below: I thought I knew love better And deserved at least a letter. But as quickly as love came, And as swiftly as love went, Love as a postcard Is all she sent... Ya gotta love this guy! His "quickly" and "swiftly" maybe are hints that he kind of does understand that the 'particle' of the postcard and the 'wave' of the letter he felt he deserved are a matter of 'how' and 'where' he looks at the situation. My perception is that he looks at it in a droll way and his quiet smile is not one of resignation but of recognition. They - our hero and his "Someone Near" - are not separate, after all. (Talk about reading into things! If I am errant in this speculation, I am off the map.) But the poem is a greater treasure than my meanderings can enfold. I need to walk around it a few more time, just to admire. As ever, admiringly Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-01-14 12:19:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Rick--Superb four stanza rhyming "Love gone bad" poem. First stanza: nice end rhyme (post/most) and alliteration (at all)gives the piece a sense of foreshadow to it's rhytmic tone. Second stanza: continues tone with true rhyme (scene/serene) and conternation (..."I wished I were there."). Third stanza: more of same tone created by combination of rhyme "here/near" and alliteration "s" of; Signed/ Someone(distant). Fourth stanza:the feeling produced by end rhymes "better/letter/went/sent" and near/ slant rhyme "quickly/swiftly" leaves writer/speaker no doubt about the finality of his fate; "Love as a postcard." The repeat of the title/refrain throughout serves well in reemphasizing the theme of this piece. I got the impression that the speaker saw this "postcard" as a slap in the face; almost a dear John. Sorry if I understated or misstated your intentions. Thanks for sharing your effort. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-01-14 03:28:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Rick, This poem catches my interest too much because it speaks for me. I used to send postcard and letters in the mail to the girls I dreamed before. Of course, the theme was love and it's a way of courting. hehe! Those funny memories flashback with those giggles and tickles. Before(during my college days), when I like a girl I would immediately think of sending her a letter of course in a form of poem. I have several love poems composed because of that. Back to your poem, the words are reinforced in simplicity. But there is uniqueness in your thoughts. The tone of the poem is sad because as I grasped, the love was not fulfilled and it was only in a postcard. It went away as quickly as it came. Atleast, you deserved a letter! hehe. You know, this poem touched my heart a lot because this made me remember of my true love that right now it is emerging on the edge. I don't think you know the story about my girlfriend who was now in the convent. Before, I used to send her cards especially during holidays. Now, I could still write her addressed to the formation center she was in but I don't think my letters reach her and no more mails I received from her. That's all, I am tearing now! I just thank you for touching my heart again with this Love As A PostCard. God bless, Jordan
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