This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-01-28 09:56:51 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © January 2004 Erzahl Leo M. Espino
japanese verse 38 (Seahorse)
An ocean stallion
Rides its coral chariot
Galloping the reefs
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-02-05 15:00:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88235
What a delight! The imagry of this piece gives pause to this reader to
sit a bit and picture this scene in my mind. I see the stallion with it's
coral chariot. Outside it's snowing, with about 5 inches already on the
ground since this morning. It's a beutiful, yet stark difference from
here to there and there(at the reefs) is where I want to be. Reading this
gives me much-needed-hope that sometime this summer, I will be in the reefs.
Thanks for planting such a lovely image in my brain!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie L Fischer On Date: 2004-02-03 20:37:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60606
Erzahl, I don't know how you come up with all these subjects but I do know I am always happy to see
another poem of yours on my list. Ocean stallion...wonderful description of the seahorse. And yes, I can see him galloping the reefs:) Another winner. Thank you.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-01-29 10:42:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.65517
Erzahl--Your "Seahorse" is traditional haiku and of course meets all techs (three lines, 5-7-5
syllable count, & nature themed). Excellent horse analogies and superb metaphoric descriptors
(an ocean stallion; rides its coral chariot; galloping the reef). This nonliteral verbiage
produces vivid and interesting action imagery.
Thanks for sharing another picturesque image of natures wonder. May your writtings continue
"galloping" to TPL. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-01-28 16:08:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Neat O Erzahl, in an word perfect once again, you manage so neatly to cover the aspect of the Seahorse. Strong, rugged, enduring, living, going on..........
Not much one can comment on, I see you've received many responses, as a result you wern't even on my list. So I retrieved the possible for the all poems list, but no way could I coment. I can picture the undercurrents in the seas, shifting and challenged this little creature, but they are one of the most enduring sea creatures. You did a wonderful job staying withing the constraints of the stle, but then you always do....as such very entertaining to enjoy, and I di.
Best to you always, Jo Mo
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-01-28 15:36:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57377
An ocean stallion
Rides its coral chariot
Galloping the reefs
My dear friend....seing how I love the ocean so much having an ocean stallion would be wonderful and we could ride from morning to night, galloping over the reefs, finding the beauty of the ocean floor as we go with colorful reflections from shells, flowers, other fish as they swim by and yes, other beautiful ocean stallions.......what a picture you paint here with the flare of your pen and to think we might have all been able at one point in time to do just that.....live in the water, beath under the surface per say and be one not only with the universe, the earth but now the sea as well.....
True to form as always my friend, your words are majestic in beauty and sight....coral chariot....how lovely a thought......can you hear the hoofs as they begin their galloping ways....
Thanks for posting and sharing this beauty with us....be safe and God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-01-28 14:14:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-01-28 13:58:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93333
Nice to see your submission again. You have been very prolific in your writings.
This one is a fun to read especially that I love the sea. It brings me to those days
where I sightseeing "underwater" with goggles where I saw the colorful view of the sea
and some animals and seaplants. That was actually in Surigao City.
The idea here is cute! Very apt description for seahorse as ocean stallion. The action
verb in the second line is even more fun to visualize. But it seems to me that the second
line has only 6 syllables (chariot should be cha-ri-ot with 3 syllables?) I am taking of putting a preposition "on"---Rides on its coral chariot. I am sorry if I got it wrong.
The third line is very dynamic! It's kicking! I enjoyed it much! I submitted "Trance" for
this month and it is relating about horse stuff, you might be interested to read it.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-01-28 13:58:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
How do you do it? Mine seem so bland after reading yours! Ahhh I am working on them. This one has especially beautiful imagery. I like it.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-01-28 12:00:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.30000
That's it...you have to seriously think about putting together a chapbook or a full book or these treasures! I want an autographed copy and the address of the publisher so I can pass it on to all my friends and acquaintances. This verse is wonderful.
Again, your forté is your penchant for putting so much imagery in tiny snipets that any reader can enjoy. I will try some of these soon too but I am certain that I will never reach your level of competency.
"ocean stallion"...love this description...it took me as far as being able to see myself searching for one I could ride through the ocean with.
TY TY TY....you are truly inspiring.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Leo Wilder On Date: 2004-01-28 11:11:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Very nice haiku. Great form and view.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-01-28 11:09:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.30435
A nice one also as before. Did you get my email on apologizing for my miscount on the other Japanese verse? I sent it to the email address listed in your profile.
I like the haiku, it's interesting because of the evocation of a mythic animal, which doesn't exist in the same physical sense. The rules of land are often applied to stories about the sea, especially in the imagination of most great and legendary works. I like that this poem refers to that sense. Horses in water don't make a lot of physical sense, but sounds romantic and a little Manifest Destiny to me.
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