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This Poem was Submitted By: hj elliot On Date: 2004-02-01 21:49:24 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Since god left Chicago

Jerusalem sweeps over my body like an old lover and tells me Israel can wait Jesus has come and gone I've just missed him The revolution is over and I must begin again this time alone The veil is lifted and Yemen whispers in my ear I hear names of daughters and plagues far reaching but I will remember none of it Not the burnt offerings nor the saffron sun and will reach for you again and again

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-02-26 12:04:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
A very rewarding read, the rhythm's superb and the slant rhymes "gone" "alone" really brings out the power of the last line in the beginning stanza. Also, the interior rhyme "begin again". The simile in the beginning also commands the reader's attention. You have used much of what is available to one involved in the art of poetry. A very spiritualistic and evocative work. Thanks for sharing.

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-02-19 17:36:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Dear hj I must admit I have read this poem several times as it is very compelling. In the title the name God is in the lower case but I do feel that is intentional and certainly caught my eye. In reading this I have delved deeply into the lines, not for what they say but for what the don't say. I don't think it is about our Lord God leaving Chicago but rather it is about a husband/lover leaving you. Perhaps I am reading way too much into it and I will just hate myself if I am wrong! However I am a hopeless romantic so you will have to forgive me for that. Please let me know if I am even close to your intent when you wrote this. It really is a lovely piece of writing and even though it is vague it is impossible to ingore that you are a very talented poet. Blessings...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-02-18 14:46:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Since god left Chicago He/she left? Without even saying good/god-bye? Very clever title which will catch the attention of even the most jaded poetry editor hi, HJ -- whoever you are - i think i am in love Jerusalem sweeps over my body like an old lover i know the feeling --love when that happens and tells me Israel can wait well, gosh isn't 5000 years enough - i mean - one gets tired after a few millenia Jesus has come and gone so they say - I've just missed him me too The revolution is over IT IS? Wow.... There are a couple of people i would like to see up against the wall and I must begin again this time alone darn...okay then... The veil is lifted and Yemen whispers in my ear I hear names of daughters and plagues far reaching but I will remember none of it [we never do - that's why nothing ever gets done] Not the burnt offerings nor the saffron sun and will reach for you again and again Moi? or G-d or perhaps just plain joy..anyway i really enjoyed the journey thanks "rachel"

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-02-08 00:44:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nice structure, good word flow, easy read which allows the reader to travel on along with you as you journey to the Holy Land......at least that is where this one has taken me poet.....and I honestly would love some day to be in the Holy Land and feel the presence of the Lord as He walked through there so many many years ago. Thanks forposting and sharing this with us.....might I ask why you did not put a capital G on god? Just wondering I am......be safe, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: thomas romanelli On Date: 2004-02-07 13:08:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
h j...this is a great poem; beautiful in both language and imagery. i did, however, find the line "I've just missed him" to be ambiguous. is it meant in the sense of "I've RECENTLY missed him" or "I've MERELY missed him"? i am by no means criticizing it, in fact i think it makes the poem more interesting by leaving it open to interpretation. on an emotional level, the poem is amazingly diverse. it evoked loneliness, isolation, hope, and a sense of freedom. in my opinion, you've created a truly brilliant work. please write more, h j. tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-02-05 11:08:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.50000
Wow. Super nice poem. I haven't critiqued anything of yours...I..don't...think..before..., but this is definitely a quality offering to the TPL headspace. I like the middle way you find between the typical imagery I have of these areas. My own thoughts about these areas are swiftly broken up in the first 2 lines. Well done. We then proceed with a more intimate look at these places. An extremely visual poem, it does quite a lot with a small amount of words. It talks about people know in the same breath as things which affect much larger populations. This is a consistent theme throughout, and it's so effective, especially refreshing in the hot button issues found in the subject matter. It's a sublime trip through the only things we ever know about these people and places, walking the middle line I am sure those people mainly live in there. I also appreciate that the spiritual aspect is never forgotten about here. Some of my comments have to do with a saying I have up on my wall- "Est Modus in Rebus" which in Latin means there is a middle way in all things. I sat right down to write a poem about that today, but instead got this poem to show me the meaning of this. Super job. One of my favorite poems from TPL of all time. Thanks, REEG!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-02-03 13:45:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
heather, interesting title, and nice new voice i hear. welcome. i'm looking forward to your work. we need more poets here who don't write as if they were making a state of the union address . . . about the state of our, their, his, her, mother's, father's, son's, daughter's - union. not that topical issues should be avoided; i don't avoid them. i'm talking manner, style. a word of warning to you. keep your expectations down. you may likely find a poetic mate for life here. but the rest of the crowd at this party will avoid you because you don't give them platform poetry, but rather (it appears) look to record experience in suggestive imagery and . . . titles. which is all we can do, really. the core of the universe is a roil of vapors and mystery that is, indeed, God, but a God who is found of hiding and (how dare he) poetry. not the platform kind. not that there isn't a message there - but the message must be experienced imaginatively. and not talked about from the stump, like universal healthcare. hope i haven't scared you off, as i look forward to more from you. mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-02-03 10:48:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Well, I lied. here it is! I thought I'd SKIPped it, but I'd just put it on the back burner for another day. Which has arrived. So - The title: Not just an odd title, but an odd use of lower and upper case. I am going to read on and try to figure this out... Chicago. Jerusalem. Israel. Jesus' revolution is over. Yemen. god. Chicago. Since god left Chicago...he went to New York? i had no idea he was in chicago. if he was, then where'd he go? if he left the chicagoan - you? - why is Jerusalem swooping down upon you with Israel and Yemen in your bed? Michael Jordan? Da Bears? Da Cubs? reach for you: god? Yemen? again and again. good. one thing I understand. I should have skipped this one. I should have skipped this one. I should have...

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-02-03 01:29:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
heather--The title of this piece intrigued me, especially the spelling of God with the lower case "g." This may or may not hold any significance for your poem, but it did catch my eye. Figurative verbiage (metaphors; simile; & personification) used extensively throughout the entire work and creates a vivid imagery of a personal pilgrimage to the holy land. In my humble opinion, adamant impressions of biblical beliefs/convictions relayed/stated by the speaker in this "free verse." The complete absence of punctuation and apt line breaks allows reader(s) to enjoy at their own pace. I apologize in advance if I have misstated your effort. TLW

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