This Poem was Submitted By: Michael Bird On Date: 2004-03-16 06:54:52 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Forever Is Three Years?

I`m all alone Sitting here at home, With all my tears. Did you love me forever  For those years?   How can you say Tomorrow's another day, After all those years  There wont be tears?   I`m standing here  I need to know,  Did you love me forever  For those three years?   Did you think there  Wouldnt be tears, After all those years?   You got into my brain Cant you feel the pain? You found a hole  And stole my soul.   How can you say After all those years,  There wont be tears? Did you love me forever For those three years?   Your still standing there In your own world. You wont share Any more years, Cause you took my tears, Turned them all to fears.   Did you love me forever  For those three years?   You stole my soul Got into my brain. You caused me pain.   How can you say  There wont be tears  For those three years?   Did you love me forever For those three years?   The sun doesnt shine, I cant say I`m doin fine, After all those years   You found my heart, Ripped it apart. You found a hole And stole my soul. I need to know,  Did you love me forever  For those three years?   Did you love me forever  For those three years?  

Copyright © March 2004 Michael Bird

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-03-23 15:49:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.34483
Hi Michael, this is a very sad piece and I can easily feel the pathos in each line. However, I do think you could tighten it up a bit and have a winner on your hands. You have repeated ...."For those three years" about ten times and I think you could delete some of them or change the words without changing the meaning. I can feel the poets pain as I read the words and since it is written with such emotion I believe you can delete some of the lines and tighten it up without losing the emotional impact that the poem has....'you found my heart and ripped it apart'..this is such a passionate line and I am sure everyone reading this piece will be able to relate to it....'you found a hole and stole my soul' another gut wrenching line. The rhyming scheme is good throughout the piece. Thanks for posting this poem and if it is about your own experience I know that sharing it is not easy. Peace...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-03-16 17:55:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Hi Michael, Poet you are asking a valid question here with "Forever Is Three Years?" People tend to give up too easy these days in their relationships. Promises seem to mean less. People don't have the stick-to-it perseverence to stay with the one they love when the going gets a little rough. Sorry, I just had to get my two cents worth in. This seems like it should be a song, with it's repitition of "Did you love me forever For those three years?" Maybe I just want everything to be a song , but this one seems to sing it'self to me, kinda bluesy sounding. I can hear that blues rif between the lines as I'm reading it. You obviously are musical I have always wished I could write songs, but I can't read music. I can feel your pain through your words and know it hurts when someone does this to you. Time heals all wounds and I hope that your heart soon heals and you find someone who you deserve to love you forever and really mean it. Blessings, Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-03-16 11:59:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.69231
Thanks for contributing, Michael. I felt the pain and contempt throughout these lines, but think it a little too repetitive/reiterated. The rhyming is well done, but again, I think too simplistic to be restated so often down through the poem. I comprehend the slightly different postioning of the views as I progress down these staccato lines that provide strength to this work. Could we, however, concentrate more on finding different imagery to convey some of this pain and regret. A little more polish could make this emotional poem even more dramatic still, I think, instead of almost boring the reader, notwithstanding the anguish inside. I try not to be too demanding, and never intend to discourage anybody - only truthful in trying to help. Write on, I know you are possessed with enough talent and emotion. Best wishes for happiness. wl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-03-16 10:08:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.21739
Your rhyme is certainly there and repeating Did you love me forever For those three years? ....certainly works well allowing for a song effect to be taking place along with the images that are going along with it......good structure as well, your emotions, pain, and loss are also reflected within the lines ........three years may seem like such a short time span yet when you ar dealing with one's heart and soul it is forever and you have done a nice job in stating such......you have placed words in certain stanza's then took them all and put them together allowing for all emotions to be felt at once.....good job poet.....thanks for posting and sharing....be ssfe, God Bless, Claire
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