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This Poem was Submitted By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2004-05-03 20:06:56 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Morning

Last night and a whole bunch of tomorrows: water (Now! With mint leaves!) flushes it away. Fag and espresso ("Double!") reinstates the full whack of it. Resurrected, folks stagger on to stage their daylight duties. Grey lumps of pigeons clump together, still only dreaming of preening, some twitch, some lurch early to peck their imperatives. I'll be back here to have another stab every tomorrow.

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-06-02 17:50:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
Hi Mark, The morning after?? Sounds like one hell of a night. But morning, a smoke, and lots of strong espresso should do the trick. I only experienced that sort of a morning one time in my life and I hope never to do that again! Actually four of us were drinking some yummy tasting drink out of a very large bowl with straws. It tasted so good I never realized it was full of booze until the net morning when my head was the size of Rhode Island. Your right on sense of humor comes through so many of your writings and I can't help but find my self smiling as I read your work. This one is no exception. The 'reserected, folks stagger on to stage their daylight duties'...great line but not a pretty sight. 'I will be back here to have another stab every tomorrow'...I have not decided if you will be back at the "watering hole" everyday and then stagger to work the next day or if you will just go to work and make another stab at a mundane job tomorrow! Either way I liked this poem and read it just for it's content and promise not to try to psychoanalyze it! I'm sure you are relieved to hear that! Peace...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-06-01 23:33:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
It's a terse view presented by the author here. I am reminded of a Frank Miller portrait of Gotham with Batman swinging between gargoyles high above the city. I am not sure why this is, but it's sure within me. I guess it's the apparent reluctance of the character walking through these thoughts to address the morning without some chemical assistance, and the pigeons. Pigeons and cities go together for me, and even though I think of Gotham, it could be any big city, and it's denizens. With the pigeons comes the smells, sounds and characters that populate the scene for me. This is why I felt this work to be so terse. I am sure it was mainly about the morning life of you in the city, but for some reason, it seems expansive in a way that belies the perspective- until the last line. Well done, REEG!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-05-27 12:42:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Hi Mark, Morning has broken and it can't be fixed. :) sorry..just my failed attempt at being funny. I like this one, because you have a way of injecting humor in a disarming manner. Morning is a hard concept for most of us and you show your youth (or at least youthful attitude) in that you are able to still treat your body this way(fag and double expresso) and it doesn't bite back at you. ha! Water flushes it away indeed! And the mint leaves add a nice touch. good touch of humor And is it 'whack' as in wham? or as in crazy? jk, For me it works on both levels. :) Ressurected is a good word for all us morning zombies stubbling around. Nice alliteration with stagger/stage and great use of 'stage'. The comparrison of humans to pigeons is great with all the lingo that goes with it(preening...) This imagry is nice also. Alliteration of daylight/duties works well. Other poetics employed are assonance/consonnance with dreaming/preening, lumps/clump, peck/imperatives, twitch/lurch, all adding to the sound which I enjoyed when I read it aloud. I'd say the ending is very effective with the use of the word "stab". I like what you've done with this and have no suggestions for revision. regards, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-05-16 10:34:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77778
Morning Last night and a whole bunch of tomorrows: [Yes. Tomorrow, tomorrow, and tomorrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllabe of recorded time; And all our yesterdays have lightd fools The way to dusty death.] water (Now! With mint leaves!) [and not a drop to drink] flushes it away. Fag and espresso ("Double!") reinstates the full whack of it. yes..it keep us going really - full smack on the head Resurrected, folks stagger on to stage their daylight duties. [and, indeed, all the world's a stage] Grey lumps of pigeons clump together, still only dreaming of preening, some twitch, some lurch early to peck their imperatives. wonderful, wonderful those birds! I'll be back here to have another stab every tomorrow. Yes. That is the miracle of it all. We keep on doing it. Wonderful poem which can't help but make people think of the Bard

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-05-11 16:20:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mark: Some years ago, back when Moses was a pup, an older fellow told me that facing the grind of each and every day was a toil that could be comprehended fully, only by experience. Your poem has brought the statement to mind. The well is far deeper than than first glance implies, sir. Mark:("Double!") Len: The use of parenthesis in your poetry has me doing it. (I'm not kidding!) At least when you use it, it has the reader pondering what you've left unsaid. In poetry, that is one of the goals to be achieved, is it not? Mark: "some ... lurch early to peck their imperatives." Len: This is great stuff. " ... pecking their imperatives ...?" Well, it at least appears to give attenion to the priories, ol' sock. And to think, the time I've wasted merely "scratching my probables." Take another stab in the morning, mate. But in the meantime keep the poetry coming; this one is a real chuckle, well written, in form and title. A fellow poet, Lennard McIntosh

This Poem was Critiqued By: G. Donald Cribbs On Date: 2004-05-10 16:54:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Mark, There's a ton of things going on here. I'm not sure I can fathom all of your layers of meaning, but I'll "take a stab at it here." You do some interesting things here with words. I like how you take them and make them do things that words don't normally do, such as: "to peck their imperatives." Very interesting. I get a picture with this poem, of someone sitting at a curbside cafe, with a drink of water, perhaps a coffee, and a paper, near a park, watching the crowds, the birds, the traffic and such all going by in a rush. Perhaps that's why you go with "Morning" as the title? There's something about the mood, not entirely committal, not entirely enigmatic. It really comes across with the last line, "have another stab/every tomorrow." I appreciate your risk-taking with this one. I do not intend that as an insult, but a compliment. Edgy, against the grain. Like that. Thank you for sharing this one with us. Warm regards, Don

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-05-08 20:17:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Great metaphor, Mark. I like it. Best line = "Grey lumps of pigeons". Nice assonance, consonance and alliteration considering the brevity of the piece. Nice write, and keep "stabbing" at it, Mark. :>) wrl

This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-05-08 18:38:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Mark--”to peck their imperatives” (?) How cute is that! Lots of fun stuff here--your Now! and your “Double”--yup, gives us “the full whack of it”, alright! No doubt about that. Without saying it in your first S., I see hair standing up straight and a dehydrated body trying to get it all together again--your mint leaves ‘freshen’ the whole verse--your espresso does what it does the best! Ah, now, “Resurrected”-- “folks”--that brings it down to include everybody--stagger/stage daylight/duties. Grey lumps and clump paint the perfect picture here for me. still only “dreaming” of “preening”--twitch, lurch, peck--yes, we’ve discussed that. In your third S., you are telling us that, by golly--or whatever expression YOU use, it’s not so bad--and you’re going to have another stab “every tomorrow”! Clean and narrow on the page. Title is “up-front” with the reader. Good job. Marcia

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