This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-05-12 04:59:04 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © May 2004 Erzahl Leo M. Espino
japanese verse 47 (Ava Jean)
Your tears are your strength
Filling the cup of your faith
Let life spring from well
This is very special to me. Itís my first time to create a haiku describing someone. A dear friend of mine requested for a haiku to describe her. She is a woman of faith - a living testimony. Her name is Ms. Ava Jean Aldovino.
I also promised to dedicate this to Ms. Debbie Spicer - her life and her strength is an inspiration. And to all women who victoriously endure the trials of life. God bless.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2007-04-05 15:38:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
this is lovely and well done Erzahl, I wrote a poem for Debbie Spicer called RAGE and it was published in an online web newsletter called raperecovery. She is a beautiful and powerful soul our Debbie and deserves much credit and admiration. Look up the poem if you wish it is on site. Blessing to you Nancy
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-06-07 16:39:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.97619
You have written with great tenderness of these inspiring women. I felt
very touched by the sentiments you expressed in your additional notes,
as well. As a woman of faith who has endured tragic circumstances, I
felt that the poem gave me strength, too - because it pointed me back
to my faith, the true source of strength in my own life. As a haiku it
is lovely - and I think that modern haiku can observe different rules.
I think that "well" may need an article, such as 'that' for clarity.
Perhaps, "life springs from that well" or another way to arrange
the words that keeps your syllable count. Excellent poetic expression!
All my best,
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-05-31 21:20:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I have done very little critiquing this month, but can never pass up the opportunity
to comment on your lovely haiku. This is a wonderful tribute to your friend, and I feel
like you did an excellent job in describing her in the prescribed format. Great job. Lucky
lady to have you as a friend.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-05-22 19:31:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.16667
Erzahl, I appreciate the sentiments shown by and through these lines, as I am sure the ladies do. However, I would think it a senryu, more than a haiku, due to the prominence of the human element instead of nature. It is well constructed and deserves considerable merit. Peace. wrl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-05-14 03:36:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
How I wish you could make one for me. Just kidding.
This is simple yet forceful. It describing the totality of
that person. Tears are designed to strengthen a person.
And through that, we respond our faith. And life must go on!
Thanks for sharing, Erzahl.
God bless you in your next writings.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-05-13 00:23:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
Erzahl--As always I look forward to any and all of your listings, but especially your japanese
verses. Even though this one uses metaphors and is technically a senryu,it still speaks a life
lesson. Ms. Aldovino should be extremely proud to have this excellent tribute and Ms. Spicer
should be equally honored for inspiring such a piece. You as the consumate haiku/senryu master
of TPL has gone to your private "well" and drawn out another gem. Thanks for your inventiveness,
insightfulness, thoughtfulness and unselfishness. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-05-12 18:03:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
This haiku is the most beautiful yet...it is hard to say that as each one you post is
exceptional. A lovely tribute to Ava Jean and a wonderful dedication to Debbie who has
endured some trials in her life that no one should ever have to endure.
your tears are your strength...this is a lovely thought and as I think about it I am aware
that tears clense the soul and give strength to the spirit
filling the cup with your faith...the amount of tears we shed in time of trouble are
directly related to the sorrow we feel at the time. They
are, in my case, accompanied by prayer
let life spring from the well....tears are so healing so they do give new life and calm
the heart and mind
Such profound thoughts you have written...if I did not know you are a young person I would
I would think you a very old person who has lived long enough to become a sage of sorts.
Again I applaud your amazing talent. Don't ever stop writing and sharing your gifts with us.
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-05-12 15:46:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Life springs from the well. How appropriate. Fresh water, and fresh thoughts, etc.
Not that I write Haiku, but what do you think about interchanging the first two lines?
Just a thought to keep you going. Thanks, and continue your fine writing.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-05-12 05:07:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
your words are your gift
emptying the cup of faith
haikus light the way
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