This Poem was Submitted By: Ms.Kim Shumaker On Date: 2004-08-29 11:24:48 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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A Society Gone Wrong Yesterday our troubles seemed so few.
I would like to return to those days.
Our children were younger and played
without a care in the world.
The innocent times were times of joy,
It was a time when child exploitation was non-existant,
And a child playing in the water was adorable--not enticng.
When in prayer I've asked, "Where in society did we fail"?
At that moment I found myself reminiscing about
my grammar school days. The girls were taught to be ladies,
and the boys were taught to be gentlemen; our school days
begin with classroom prayer followed by The Pledge of
Allegiance. Someone voted to stop those things as I recall.
After that everything seemed to quickly spiral downward,
out of order, out of control. Children now victims-innocence lost.
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Copyright © August 2004 Ms.Kim Shumaker
Additional Notes:
This particular piece has been published with Creative Communication and is intended for adult discussion. Some people very dear to me have been hurt by an evil society.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-09-01 09:28:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92308
Hi poet.....thank you for posting this piece of yesterday when things did seem much easier/nicer to live I guess.....went to parochial school where the girls played on one side of the yard the boys on the other and the sisters stood guard........today its mix, match and catch me if you can......I find the family life is no longer structured as it was back then and perhaps that is also a part of the problems we see and face. Prayer in the classroom should not have been taken away but a choice for is that not what America is about....Freedom of speach and choices to be made........in either case I enjoyed the memories of my own childhood and even the differences between then and my children growing up. Again, thank you for sharing. Be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-08-31 21:42:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92000
Hi Kim, I've read this entry a number of times, and I'm taken by the truth that is spoken, we can't survive without defination, if guidelines arn't in place, prayer in school, the pledge, acting appropriately, young girls taught the rudiments of good grace, the boys staying within given boundries. Yes it spiraled down hill when our value system was managed to change by so few. Disappointment, and fright is what I fear for the young children, it's as if they wear targets on their backs, and every malcontent, and pedophile takes adantage. They can't innocent any longer, where the swim is just a lucious feeling, and guidelines dictate praoper protocol.
I find the poem extremely strong, remembering. No we can't ever go back, the innocence is lost now. However for some of us older ones who experienced the innocence of youth, never exploited, given the memories causes a great insight, and this poem captures it all. great descriptives, fine connectors, extremely forful in its projection, you did a fine, fine job here, congratulations on a excellent write.
Best regards, Jo Morgan
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-08-30 21:40:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Honi soit qui mal y pense...evil to those that think evil! If you believe you are part of an
evil society, then you can do one of two things. Opt out and die, or fight what you think is
right. Nothing changes...nothing ever will. It just goes round and round in a different form in
a different century. My point in all this is...so what?
I find your less of a poem and more of a treatise. I would suggest you lay it out differently as
it would read much better and easier. Right now it's like I was reading a newspaper article.
Thanks for bringing forth your views and posting this here.
P.S.: You are the first person on this site (and I've been here since it began), to use the
title of Ms.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-08-29 18:29:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83871
Ms. Kim Shumaker–Welcome. This is my first time reviewing any of your work. Your
post is plain language and direct: probably laments what the majority of our fellow
citizens think or feel on many levels. However, I personally believe this “...return
to those days” must be qualified/restricted. IMO the good old days weren’t so good
to certain segments of that society and it had very little or nothing at all to do
with prayer in schools nor the pledge of allegiance. Furthermore,the technical and
medical advances are far too astronomically sound to mention or discard.
Yes, there’s no argument we all would like to see zero violence, especially toward
children, senior citizens and those who are different (color, religion, sex, politics
race, etc...). On the other, do we want to see the loss of cell phones/air bags/instant
foods/wage increases/longer life spans/etc... I would not like an absolute return to
anything in the past less than a utopia or nirvana.
Your optimism is admirable. Thanks for your sober reminder of that which we’ve lost,
likely forever. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-08-29 17:44:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88462
Hi Kim,
I believe you are new to TPL and I hope you will like us and continue to post your
work here. It is no wonder this piece has been published as it is very well written
and touches on a subject that certainly continues to need discussion. I remember those
days very well when...troubles seemed so few and our children could play without a care
in the world. I grew up in a very small town and we never even thought to lock our
houses or our cars..why would we have needed to do that? 'A child playing in the water
was adorable not enticing'...oh how I wish we had those days back! I am glad that I am
not raising children in this present time and I fear for my grandchildren and their
children..what kind of a world will they be faced with?..."Where in society did we fail?"
I think it began, as you point out, with school without prayer and pledge of allegiance to
our flag...then parents became permissive and disipline was lost. I have been in public
places where children were mis-behaving and instead of the parents inisting that they
stop they just plead with them to stop and I have yet to see that method work. Thank you
for posting such and important piece with such a strong message that all of us should
take to heart...hope to read more of your work soon.
Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-08-29 14:51:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Dear Kim,
I really enjoyed this posting. It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment when all hell broke loose, but it did
and you've managed to capture the feeling of that in your poem. It's something I give alot of thought to,
but I don't know what happened to our society but it's pretty detestable these days and it seems those that still hold true in our beliefs are the ones sitting on the wrong side of the fence these days. I was born in 1956 so I can appreciate the times you describe.
I'm glad I had the opportunity to read this - it's eye opening and the topic needs to be addressed by millions;
only that will never happen because I think we've past the point in time to remedy any of it.
I noticed just a tiny error, I think you meant to write: our school days began with etc.
Thanks for an enjoyable read.
Sincerely,
DeniMari
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-08-29 11:44:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
My soon to be eleven year old step daughter is preparing to enter 5th grade, I guessI'm luck in that I have the resourses to send her to private school, as so much of later life is affected by these younger years, I think its important to help our children not just to get all the information they need to decide but the vision to decide wisely. Thanks for letting me read a most interesting poem
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