This Poem was Submitted By: Robert Wyma On Date: 2004-09-18 16:10:25 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © September 2004 Robert Wyma
coalesce my dreams
my best inspiration
washing and protecting
in the wake of inner being
alive and true
held by sacrifice
rising through the radiant heart
in the covenant
This Poem was Critiqued By: Amour Stakwi'a Dresbach On Date: 2004-10-05 11:23:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.50000
Very good notions and expression of them. I don't mean notions as something only proposed. I mean ideas that ought to become realities. I have considered such ideas myself and it is good to see others sharing similar thoughts.
You divided each portion of this work well and the overall flow was was good. Based upon the title, much is gained by reading this for it shows the striving for perfection out of common imperfection.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-10-01 20:53:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Your poem spoke to me of taking responsibility and making things happen no matter what. Iíve read it three times, but I canít think of anything Iíd suggest changing. I think it is a lovely, inspirational poem. Thank you for sharing it.
P.S. I liked the lay out, too.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-09-21 17:41:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
interesting structure with good word flow bringing forth images as one reads on.....emotions of one to another seem to carry through as well as I become us and we become they and the world just seems to come together......we might not be who we present in such state but then who really knows?
Thanks for posting and sharing, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-09-21 10:09:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
How lovely to see you back! This is a gentle, peaceable poem. It opens with a lot of softness in the "s" sounds. It is soothing, almost like a mantra for living in tune with oneself. Toe "coalesce" suggests giving shape to the intangible, and making of dreams something that can be actively experienced out there in the "real world". But reality is just that: we must know ourselves.
in the wake of inner being [as well as following afterwards, "wake" also implies "awakening" into a new
alive and true awareness of self and soul]
and selfless [most especially, we are not this, I think!]
Ah yes, such an admission of fraily is the beginning of enlightenment. Yet if we exhibit a lack of these qualities, then that's also what we must come to terms with. Perfection is for gods and we are not these. But we can aspire, and recognize the truest of ideals - there is a process of at-one-ment at work here. Through sacrifice (not only ours, but also that of the One who has given us Himself) we are permitted to rise "through the radiant heart".
The individual is absorbed into a greater spiritual whole. The poem closes with an affirmation of unity with the divine. A Christian would immediately identify this as acceptance into Christ's fold, with His forgiveness and remission of sins. A Buddhist would see it as absolute enlightenment, release from the karmic wheel into Nirvana. There will be no separation between soul and Source.
I very much like what you're saying here. This may not be an easy process to grasp and pursue, but it is readily available to anyone who wishes to change and overcome his or her mortal barriers. These are self-built, and thus, can be dismantled so they no longer stand in the way of our union with the Higher Force, the divine.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-09-18 18:44:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.20513
Our own effects, effect the effects of others, Anyway thats what comes to mind reading your last 9 lines; Also of course the fact that we're often not who we think we are, for me that always opens up questions of if we are who we intend or not or if it's deliberate and so on , I love the line;
coalesce my dreams
Thanks for letting me read and comment in my own way.
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