This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-09-30 21:34:53 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Verses 41 to 60 – Third Collection
“Rainbow”
41. Spectrum of hope smiles
After plethora of tears
Falls from heaven’s cheeks
“Pollination”
42. Handsome Romeo
Courts prettiest Juliet
Romance fills the air
“Destiny”
43. We are what we are
Prodigy of our shadows
Path of our footprints
“Cross”
44. Emblem of my faith
A straight line towards Heaven
Against twisted world
“Stream”
45. Hidden rivulet
Midst the shoulders of mountains
Runs to open sea
“Hyenas”
46. Snatching cheetahs’ meal
Scavengers of savannah
Chuckle in laughter
“Ava Jean”
47. Your tears are your strength
Filling the cup of your faith
Let life spring from well
“Worms”
48. Handpicked by humans
Wedded to embracing hooks
Kissed by the fishes
“Eclipse”
49. Pirate of darkness
Ambushed the moment to steal
The jewel of light
“Swallows”
50. Periwinkle sky
As winged-surfers glide and dive
Through the waves of clouds
“Belt”
51. Slowly the serpent
Slides its body ‘round my waist
Holding loose pants up
“Zephyr”
52. The air diva sings
Resurrecting the dead leaves
That bury my feet
“Ecstasy”
53. Pleasure elevates
Up to the seventh heaven
Remains in cloud nine
“Hammerhead Shark”
54. Marine carpenter
Swiftly swims to school of fish
Fixing its belly
“Moon”
55. Queen of the great sun
Reigns over shining servants
Night is her kingdom
“Lilac”
56. Let the purple blow
Breath of fragrance in the air
Perfumes the garden
“Photographs”
57. Windows from the past
Captured that special moment
Forever to keep
“Rooster”
58. Wings can’t reach the clouds
Just the roof where it can crow
The beauty of dawn
“Lake”
59. Mirror on the floor
Who is the fairest of all?
- My eyes see God’s face
“Pillow”
60. You cradle my thoughts
With your unsung lullabies
Pampering my dreams
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Copyright © September 2004 Erzahl Leo M. Espino
Additional Notes:
This is my third twenty (20) verses collection. Without all your continuous support…this wouldn’t be possible. My wholehearted “thank you’s” goes to:
JoMo, Claire, Sherri, Jennifer, Rachel, Marilyn, Wanda, Joanne U., Karen, Andrea, Turner, Jordan, Thomas W., Arnie, Wayne, James, Sandra, Mell, Brenda, Marcia, Lynda, Patricia, Gerard, Mick, Donald, Joshua, Mark S. and Rick – these are my mentors and friends.
Special thanks for some grammar corrections and word revisions help from:
- Wayne for “Rainbow” and “Lilac”
- Thomas W. for “Swallows”
- James for “Lilac”
- Rachel for “Lilac”
For other advises, pardon me for my stubbornness. :)
P.S.
- These are all my favorites but here’s my top 5:
1st. Rooster (58)
2nd. Moon (55)
3rd. Zephyr (52)
4th. Rainbow (41)
5th. Lake (59)
Other verses that are special to me (I can’t help it!):
- Photographs (57), Hyenas (46), Worms (48)
- It would be very interesting to know what’s yours? Thanks! :)
As always,
Erzahl :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2004-10-07 23:42:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83721
hello there,
my favorites are 43 and 44. my, i've been gone from the link too long. these are great erzahl.
i love the link because we exposed to so many wonderful ideas here. i think that you have done a marvelous thing to collect your haiku in such a way.
when i saw the title, i thought this is going to be something biblical. then when i read the actual piece, i thought -- he's formatting this like the bible.
I think these are wondering. there are so many truisms in every word, and so many nice philosophical pieces on life.
I think that you should give the entire collection a title other than the verses. these are exquisite, and they sit well as a collection.
thanks for sharing these and for stirring up new writing ideas in me. keep on writing.
latorial
www.latorial.com
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-10-04 14:45:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78571
Hi Erzahl,
How in the world can a person choose a favorite of these beautiful and imaginative
pieces? I love everyone of them and continue to be both awed and amazed at your talent.
I certainly hope you will publish your collections for all to read. With much difficulty
I choose the following as my favorites....rainbow, destiny, ava jean, worms, belt and lilacs.
The humor you display in some of these verses is so clever and the others are very lovely,
soft, and give this reader wonderful images. You have a God given gift...don't ever stop
writing!
Peace and blessings...Marilyn
p.s. I haven't seen anything from Jordan for a long time....I hope he is O.K.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Donna Carter Soles On Date: 2004-10-03 23:47:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Dear Erzahl,
This is such a spendid compilation of work, but I think the splendor needed to be given equal
opportunity, and should be addressed individually. These are haikus, and the Japanese believed/believe
in saying much wisdom with very few words. I must admit that it can be difficult to concentrate (for
me as a reader) to FOCUS on words of wisdom when there is SO much to consider at one time. These sort
of pieces are small, but precious and have good reason to stand on their own (as one), if written properly.
You seem to do well with this, and I admire your work. I've written some haikus, myself. I also find
that some people do not like them, nor even attempt to write them.
Oh, and I also noticed all of those notes below your writings. *smile* It seems you've been lucky and you
got some GOOD mentors in this world. I'm sure there are many good mentors on this site, but Brenda is my
personal favorite. She is a gifted critiquer...by all means.
Thanks,
Donna
This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-10-02 00:53:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Okay here goes.. all of them rock! You really need a book out or a desk calander. My top five favorites of this batch are 51, 43, 49, 41, 42. Don't make me pick one of the five to be my all time fav, cause I can't. It was hard just picking five favs.
Hugs
Kay
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-10-01 11:31:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86207
Erzahl–Congratulations on your 3rd installment. This surely is an admirable list:
An outstanding mixture/collection of both Haiku and Senryu (I know you say
pota’to and I say potato-smile). Your accomplishments or talent doesn’t need
any such distinction. These pieces are truly an eclectic and vivid imagery of the
creator’s natures (both ‘human...’ and ‘mother...’).
As usual it’s difficult to chose one or even several of your haiku/senryu as favo-
rites (they are all collectibles), but these did speak to me differently than the
others (disregard the order);
“Photographs”
“Pillow”
“Moon”
“Eclipse”
“Hyenas”
“Worms”
Thanks for presenting them in this format for our re-review, enjoyment, and discern-
ment (hope to see these in published form soon). TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-10-01 06:34:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.14706
Great start for a new month with a best of retrospective, and as for stubbornness to me its important to keep your voice your own and you have done that, Thanks for letting me read and comment!!!!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-09-30 23:49:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Erzahl:
What an astonishing collection. And thank you for "thank you"!
This won't be as lengthy as it deserves to be, but I am
casting votes for my favorites:
First Place
“Stream”
45. Hidden rivulet
Midst the shoulders of mountains
Runs to open sea
Because. . .it is subtle, it strikes a mood, a range of emotion and coloring.
You image the forces which we do not see but which are so powerful that they
cannot be denied. For me, it is a metaphor for the forces of God. I love
the image of the mountains with their powerful shoulders, and the magnetism
and freedom of the sea which awaits the arrival of the rivulet, much as
a mother awaits the return of a child. Excellent! (I don't know what I said
before -- these are my feelings tonight.)
Second Place
“Eclipse”
49. Pirate of darkness
Ambushed the moment to steal
The jewel of light
I love the whimsical approach here, Erzahl, which does denies neither the majesty
of the night sky nor the luminaries which the Creator made. The view is lovingly
given, with a wink to the "pirate" and acknowledgement of the glory that is the
sun.
Third Place:
This one is most difficult to choose. I think there is a two-way tie!
“Zephyr”
52. The air diva sings
Resurrecting the dead leaves
That bury my feet
For sheer beauty of sound and imagery, and for the reference to the resurrection
and the writer's humble feet. For the celebration of the air and leaves -- the
sounds of "dead leaves" is wonderful. The dual allusion to death:
"dead/bury" -- both reach back to "resurrecting" and to the song of the first
line. Simply heavenly.
And, last but not least. . .
“Hammerhead Shark”
54. Marine carpenter
Swiftly swims to school of fish
Fixing its belly
For the humor! Where would we be without your gentle wit, Erzahl? Here
your ability to make the reader smile reminds me of Basho.
Thank you for all of these poems and for your question. It gives us a
chance to show you some of our appreciation for your artistry.
My very best wishes!
Joanne
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