This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-10-30 00:04:30 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © October 2004 Erzahl Leo M. Espino
verse 63 (Sunrise)
Behind those mountains
Phoenix flies with wings of fire
Out from the ashes
To Joanne Uppendahl, my submission savior...my Phoenix. :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-11-05 03:52:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62222
Erzahl--Another metaphoric gem from your unlimited well. This is great imagery
via non-literal language addressing what appears to be the glorious daily resur-
rection of the universial luminous orb out of the east. Your dedication to JoUp
of this Japanese Verse can be truly expressed as a phoenix: A person or thing of
unsurpassed excellence or beauty; paragon. Thanks for sharing this with your fellow
poets on TPL. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-11-02 15:27:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
I was sitting enjoying the visual your Haiku gave me when I read the note and I feel like I had just shared a wonderful moment with you and Joanne. You always take me to new places even your notes are poetic!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-10-30 18:01:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.29412
From the phoenix [the bird] with fire/Mt. St. Helens?
Erupting after years of quietness.
The eruptions is like a person/quiet, swallowing their words till one day they
'erupt and a new day begins.
Thinking poem/wonderful images.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-10-30 12:29:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.89189
First, thank you for the dedication. It's very much appreciated. In a sense,
can identify with the Phoenix, having climbed out of the ashes of a tragedy
in life. Through the grace of God, not by my doing, that is. It is always
a great pleasure to find one of your haiku masterpieces. This one is no
exception! It always amazes me how you can fill such a short poetic form
with so many layers of meaning! In this one, the mountains, which can
allude to what Christ said, "If you have faith as a grain of mustard seed
you can say to this mountain: move! And it will move! And nothing will be
impossible to you." Matt. 17:20. The phoenix legend, in my opinion, seems to
prefigure the Resurrection. Ovid tells the story of the Phoenix as follows:
"Most beings spring from other individuals; but there is a certain kind which
reproduces itself. The Assyrians called it the Phoenix. It doesn't live on fruit
or flowers, but on frankincense and various gums. When it has lived five hundred
years, it builds a nest in the branches of an oak, or on the top of a palm tree.
In this it collects cinnamon, and spikenard, and myrrh, and of these 'materials'
builds a pile on which it deposits itself. In dying, it breathes its last breath.
From the body of the parent bird, a young Phoenix issues forth, destined to live
as long a life as its predecessor. When it has grown up and gained sufficiently
in strength, it lifts its nest from the tree (its cradle and its parent's tomb),
and carries it to the city of Heliopolis in Egypt, and deposits it in the temple
of the Sun." One can draw the analogy to the Christian tradition of the Son of God,
rising from the tomb, to live eternally with the Father, offering immortal life to
believers. I admire the way you have characterized the Phoenix flight with "wings
of fire" as it reminds me of the fire of spirit, and of "chariots of fire" as in
the verses in Isaiah.
Here, the reference is to the sun, hidden from our sight, as we are in darkness
during a portion of each 24 hour day. And when it is dark, it seems that it
will always be dark. Then, "behind those mountains" the sun begins its journey,
filling our world with light once more. I think you may be showing us that
though at times our life seems dark and without hope, that there is hope
"behind those mountains" (of troubles) and that we may yet rise "from the
ashes" of our despair. Our faith in God is what will make this possible, I
believe, Erzahl. When things seem darkest, we must hold on to hope.
Thank you for this wonderful haiku, and for your 'thank you' which brings
a smile and gladness to my heart. God bless!
All my best,
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-10-30 12:25:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86364
Your verses NEVER appear on my list because everyone
grabs them quickly and if you recall my stance about
reviewing haiku: ARGH!! There are not enough words
I cannot continue in this vein for I posted ny first
haiku this month, combined with a lyric poem to make
two salutes or toasts to my doctor.
Dawn or sunrise has been versified so many times,
often an Aubade or Matins, ruing the loss of night
(lovers)and the beginning of the new day.
This is exquisitely original, Erzahl, as I have never
seen this metaphor before yours. Sunrise is the arousal
of the giant Phoenix who soars aloft with wings of
fire, risen from the ashes.
How clever you are with imagery! Certainly the strongest
aspect/facet of your poetry. And now your descriptors
of the feng huang, to some, the idea of prosperity, is
in keeping with what we have come to expect from you.
I do not like to mention your poetics per se as that
is boring to both of us but in your middle line, the
sound of F (or fricative as Brenda says) strengthens
the notion of fire and flight.
I started marking your assonance as well on my copy and
now your little verse looks like it is written in olden
hieroglyphics. Perhaps on silkscreen or palimpsest or
I hope the expectations we at TPL have placed on your
shoulders (to post the highest quality) are not too
burdensome but it does keep raising the bar or as they
say today, "pushing the envelope."
Kudos for yet another example of the perfection of
word arrangement! I greatly enjoyed it.
Best wishes always,
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-10-30 09:38:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.69231
You sure haven't lost your touch for Haiku. This one is amazing. To be able to write
effective Haiku, one has to be a master of the word and image.
You are a word and image master and I love the image of the sunrise as the phoenix
with wings of fire.
Behind those mountains----------sets the scene for the big morning ceremony
Phoenix flies with wings of fire---------glorious image, love the assonance of flies/fire,with/wings
Out from the ashes---------from darkness to extreme light, and again mountains/out
Bravo Ezrahl, fabulous, effortless grace.
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