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This Poem was Submitted By: stephen g skipper On Date: 2005-02-10 18:48:22 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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For The Dreamer

I had a dream last night that, your eyes are almost a steely blue, yet for me they have the softest hue. I had a dream last night that, I whispered sweet nothings, into your long, curly, blonde hair. I had a dream last night that, you opened your heart to me, and let me see the flower gem which lay hidden within. I had a dream last night that, I've just started wanting you, summer haze, halcyon days and lazy ways. I had a dream last night that, I was your king and you my golden queen, love without doubt. I had a dream last night that, you held me in your arms, trembling like a flower, my head against your breast. I had a dream last night that, we yearned to be free, and we learned to fly, you and I.

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-02-22 17:36:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
Okay dreamer. Why not? I'm glad this didn't go on longer for the repetition was getting to me. Maybe, just maybe you could have done away with all the "I had a dream last night that..." and combined all the middle stanzas and left the first and last ones with that wording. I don't know. That's my take on it. Otherwise Dreaming sequences are okay. The best was the last. Fly on, and thanks for posting.

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-02-15 11:57:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ah Stevie, Me thinks you are smitten! The lady you write about here is very lucky to have such beautiful words penned in her behalf. Such a lovey tribute to what you so poetically describe as a beautiful woman. Stealy blue eyes but with a soft hue...curly blonde hair. In the 3rd stanza you used the word flower and again in the 6th stanza...you might want to use a different descriptor..not a big thing and just my opinon to use or lose!...I love the...'summer haze, halcyon days, and lazy ways'...perfect rhyme and good imagery. I also like the way you speak of this as your dream...gives the enitre piece a mystic that is so appropiate in good writing. You certainly kept me reading and I was a little sad when it was over as it is both compelling and sensual....'I had a dream last night that, we yearned to be free, and we learned to fly, you and I.' This is a good ending to this poem as it shows promise for these two people. Yearning to be free gives this reader something to ponder...free to love, free to be together,...is there some stumbling block that you must over-come? Perhaps a conection to the past that must be resolved? I am going to tinker a bit with your last line.....I had a dream last night, yearning to be free, we learned to fly...you and I. I'm struggling with the word yearned vs yearning...it probably should be in the past tense but yearning to be free just sounds good to me. Having said all that I like what you have done here and I hope the 'lady' liked it as well! Peace...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandee L McMullan On Date: 2005-02-14 00:37:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Title: For the Dreamer This piece is very devotional in a personal way; written with descriptions that bring the character into view with blue eyes, blonde hair and reflecting the pair as King and Queen. All the interaction between the lovers, holding in arms, trembling, the placing of head, the freedom yearns and the flying have all been said many times before by many others. summer haze, halcyon days, lazy ways are all typical descriptions… Much of this simplicity of this piece shows a narrator’s voice is tender in love, youthful innocence, passionate towards the attraction of this girl. The repetitive lines “I had a dream last night that” shows the obsession and affectionate desire towards this union also, adding some impact of meaning. Last line > “you and I” = you and me Overall, this piece could be much improved by taking an unusual and refreshing look at the activities and descriptions of affections, find that unique way, that unique colour of eyes and make the reader feel/see the difference from all others that have gone before. Dare to push the difference – give a wow. . . . . regards

This Poem was Critiqued By: Molly Johnson On Date: 2005-02-11 16:20:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hey Steven, I can tell that you're expressing very earnest feelings in this piece. I wish your images were less general and really gave me the uique flavor of the speaker's dream like love. I want to know more about why the speaker adores the subject. You might pick one of the things in the dream and spin more specific images around it so we could know the love of the speaker for the subject it a different way. I think the flower gem stanza has the strongest base image. Start there and tell us what you see from the inside of this relationship that might ring true for us too. It's possible that you meant this as an ode. If so, think about honoring the subject with real descriptions that show how you adore the details that compose the dream. Hope this makes sense and is a little helpful. Good luck with this piece. Mollyj

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-02-11 03:30:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
Your title, For the Dreamer brings forth many images before the read begins my friend.......in this particular situation you are the dreamer, your thoughts are projected by the flare of your pen, your style is captivating, your word flow allowing the emotions and images to continue on........repeating I had a dream last night in each stanza adds to it as far as I am concerned......you know it is a dream though reality might seem more fair to you at this time......I know and I feel your yearning to be able to be free, free to learn to fly, with her one more time......again, you should make certain all these wonderful poems filled with your love and emotions should be kept together and perhaps a book made for others to share at the drop of a thought...each stanza produces its own images and associated emotions......thanks for posting, be safe, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wanda S. Thibodeaux On Date: 2005-02-10 22:51:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Stephen, This is a beautiful love poem. I'm sure your wife loves it and has read it many times already. There is a constant missing her in this lyrical piece, a sweet yearning to be with her. I like that you have begun each stanza with "I had a dream" and especially "you opened your heart to me and let me see the flower gem which lay hidden within." It is hard to write honest love poems...but you have succeeded with this one. Losing your life partner, your lover, your wife, is as much as anyone can bear. I am glad you are able to put your true feelings down in the beautiful form of poetry. It will help heal a broken heart while giving you lasting memories to reflect on. When you write, you seem to remember those small details that otherwise you might not remember as well. You've done justice to love with this one, Stephen. I hope you are doing well. God bless. Always my best, Wanda

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