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This Poem was Submitted By: Janet A Burg On Date: 2005-02-19 15:05:03 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Poetic Devices

You don’t write haphazard words like a brain sneeze trying to prime the pump with words on a page fingers clamouring to place clicking nails against plastic searching for a synapse of wit, do you? Swill twelve cups of coffee staring until eyeballs crackle at a monitor screen which boasts “Low radiation!” While weeds breed in your yard, do you linger feckless on your backside, feeble for lack of inspiration? Do you suffer from poetic constipation, clumping about the house in slippers, expectant that you’ll get a pregnant gust of instant originality uncovering only flatulence and a wasted morning when you could have been walking the dogs? Amazing! So do I...

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-02-23 20:25:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Janet: Welcome back again! I recognize your name from several years ago. This poem seems familiar, though not the title -- the gist of it. I laughed out loud several times, especially at "flatulence" and "poetic constipation." I love "brain sneeze/weeds breed" and particularly the imagery of the speaker in slippers "clumping about the house." However, "pregnant gust" is my favorite phrase, and I hope I'll have one of those soon. Thank you for the smiles and for the warm-hearted, jaunty poem that let's me know I am not alone in suffering from writer's block. "Do you suffer from poetic constipation, clumping about the house in slippers, expectant that you’ll get a pregnant gust --great wordplay on "expectant/pregnant gust" of instant originality uncovering only flatulence and a wasted morning --ditto, "flatulence/wasted" when you could have been walking the dogs?" It's not walking the dogs that gets left undone for me as I am a 'cat person' but housework, cooking, laundry, correspondence and exercise -- not in any particular order. <smile> I'm looking forward to reading more of your stuff. Best wishes, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-02-23 14:25:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
I didn't know that women had flatulence...hahaha. Thought that was very much a man's domain! Very original...brain sneeze/priming the pump. And this could have "only" been written by a woman..."clicking nails against plastic..." (in my profession I always had to have very short nails). Anyway, I enjoyed the poetic constipation and clumping (about the house). Thanks for this bit of morning humor.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-02-22 05:07:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.79310
Interesting to see me so well in the above poem, Poet......good structure, word flow, image of my having pen in hand with nothing to say, write, place on paper just to put aside.......indeed constipation is my problem and it is beginning to hurt, hehehe......been a long time since I have had words flow over and over again.....usually they come after I retire to bed at night and though some times they do I am too lazy to get up and write them down thinking perhaps they will still be there come morning light...... Poetic Devices is a good name for this one........my mom used to be my one person with words to listen to then they would write themselves at times.....she passed away a year ago in March, miss her still ...... Thanks for posting, sharing this with us here on the link....lets me know I am not alone in my quest for words, sights, sounds, to share.....God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-02-20 19:57:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Hi Janet, I have read this over several times and it makes me grin each time! Your humor comes through as stunning in this piece and believe it or not your inagery of you..'clumping around the house in slippers'.. ..is priceless...'haphazard words like a brain sneeze trying to prime the pump' is especially funny to me as I know that I have done that. I learned long ago that forcing a poem when there are none never works...in fact can lead to disaster...'staring until eyeballs crackle' isn't that the truth..so frustrating when you are quite sure you have the poem of the century in your brain if it can just find its way out....'while weeds breed in your yard'...funny you should say that as I have done that and even felt guilty. But you never know where the next inspiration will come from so you must keep your mind alert and open even if it is when you are pulling those obnoxious weeds....'poetic constipation' is so funny as it just says it all about a writers block that just won't pass. I so enjoyed this humorous poem and also I admire your wit...where would the world be without it? Blessings....Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-02-20 12:35:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86667
Amazing poem in its casual conversational tone and leap of images great to see your work again, You don’t write haphazard words like a brain sneeze [wonderful] trying to prime the pump [this mixes the metaphor a bit ] with words on a page fingers clamouring to place clicking nails against plastic searching for a synapse of wit, do you? I do - yes - that is exactly what i do! Swill twelve cups of coffee staring until eyeballs crackle [ clever hyperbole] at a monitor screen which boasts “Low radiation!” [heh] While weeds breed in your yard, [yep] do you linger feckless [great word !] on your backside, feeble for lack of inspiration? yep - downright enervated Do you suffer from poetic constipation, [yep - but this phrase is not as fresh and original as the others] clumping about the house in slippers, expectant that you’ll get a pregnant gust [great] of instant originality [but]uncovering[producing?] only flatulence and a wasted morning when you could have been walking the dogs? Yep, yep, sometimes I do -and the dog is at the door with his leash in his mouth as we speak

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandee L McMullan On Date: 2005-02-20 11:08:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95455
Title: Poetic Devices The title is of interest, and seems apt for this piece. There is a strong enough opening and a creative image the reader can relate to: “brain sneeze”. The first few lines establish the tone, as searching and trying to be productive. Lots of images detail the title and the similes help the reader establish the scene. Many images envisioned and they put the reader in front of the pc, drinking coffee, looking at weeds and yards, moving through the house, and possible walking dogs. This satisfies the reader’s sight. Alliteration “prime the pump, cups of coffee, constipation clumping” help the poem with sounds. As do the internal rhymes: “weed/breed, feckless/feeble, expectant/pregnant” to name a few. I get a sense of the narrator’s voice on the verge of needing to write and desperate for the spark of creativity. When looking at sentence structure, if I may suggest the rephrase the query of the opening > “You don’t write” = Do you write This will engage the reader immediately with relating to the “how” about themselves. The first stanza is one long sentence which weakens the action within when no punctuation helps the reader pause and retake up the flow. The reader is having to make a guess, which holds up the meaning. Perhaps a semi-colon would help break this up and re-direct the reader for impact of imagery – time to absorb the many images here. I suggest after word page is the natural place to do something to provide segue to the next images. 2nd stanza a colon after boasts would give the exclamation more emphasis. This stanza gives motivation to ponder it acts similar to an aside like in a play. I like this shift. 3rd stanza I don’t like the statement of “poetic constipation” might this be shown to the reader in a way of ideas being blocked, or the poet’s struggle? Otherwise it is a stark statement, jarring flow, for me and maybe it is just me. “pregnant gust” is good showing the gestation of a poem before its birth. The closure “So do I.” helps the reader not feel alone. I think “Amazing” does not add here, trust your reader to form this conclusion. The reader will take their feelings into the relating of “so do I”. imo The concepts of the title are developed – it works. I enjoyed the read. . . . regards

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-02-19 21:20:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94737
Janet--Don't recall your name/reviewing any of your poetry, so welcome! This is too precious! And, it has some of everthing: realism, humor, truth uniqueness, metaphors, rimes (radiation, inspiration, constipation) and frustration, in other words "Ars Poetica." Any and all aspiring/would be scribes have without a doubt experienced a sleeping/fickle/finicky/absent Muse. In view of this post, you must've done a pretty good coaxing job on Thalia. Your effort is truly entertaining and sorely needed. Thanks for this well constructed/quasi-serious/giddy read. TLW

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