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This Poem was Submitted By: sheryl ann minter On Date: 2005-02-25 12:53:25 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Dance Of The Snowflakes

The dance of the snowflakes as they dust the vast horizon in titanium winter white each one a Picasso in shape, an original, minute, free form ice sculpture, from the abstract to the unobtrusive, from the symetrical to the intricate. The imprinted wonders glistening in beauty, adhearing to our lashes, brows and clothes stinging our skin, burning our toes. Composed menagerie among the inclement weather, inordinate in its falling, enticing us to observe, to touch, to step into a second childhood!

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-03-05 12:12:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.89655
Hi Sheryl, This poem really appeals to me as I am a nature lover and write many poems about it. I have lived where it snows a lot all my life and the snowflake is a wonder. They say there are no two alike and when Mother Nature dumps a foot of snow I wonder how that could be! In the piece you have captured the true essence of the snowflake...'they dust the vast horizon in titanium winter white' beautiful descriptors...'original, minute, free form ice sculpture, from the abstract to the obotrusive, from the symetrical to the intricate.' very apt images of the the mystic snowflake and its beauty. I use the word 'mystic' because that is exactly what they are...a true wonder that is complicated but accepted as normal among us....'the imprinted wonders glistening in beauty, adhearing to our lashes, brows and clothes stinging our skin, and burning our toes' these words give me a perfect image of a soft and gentle snowing which is so common where I live. Of course we also have our share of snow storms which I refer to as horizontal snow because the winds are often fierce. I especially like the way you have ended this piece...'enticing us to observe, to touch, to step into a second childhood!' Well done! Blessings....Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-03-03 13:47:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Sheryl, this dances in areas that are always of interest to me, the geometric design, the cool attempt of winter, the resoluteness of creation in all aspects. The Dance Of The Snowflakes – It is the title that drives this piece. Were you to have ended the verse with the title, it was sufficient to grant imagination and scope to a delightful scene. Thankfully, you persisted!! The dance of the snowflakes – I like this line for one personal meaning, the wind and snow intermix in so many varied ways that in a heavy wind/downfall we are dancing to a fugue, and a light wind/downfall it is a minuet, and all variations in between. Great imagery in this line. Although it is the same as the title, in this aspect it is a modifier rather than a definer. Many who don’t like the title used in the verse, miss the subtle difference, and I think there is an implied admonition, if I cannot see that difference. The larger metaphor, to the specific device. as they dust the vast horizon in titanium winter white – The use of “titanium” in describing the winter’s white is a powerful descriptive, it goes to the grip winter holds, to the encompassing mannerisms of a snowfall, the inclusiveness of the color (even to affecting moods and premonitions), but also the prevailing color of a season in general. each one a Picasso in shape, an original, minute, free form ice sculpture, from the abstract to the unobtrusive, from the symetrical (symmetrical) to the intricate. – I have only a “yea!!” to say to these lines. Having sat fascinated over enlarged flakes many a time, and copied some “patterns” into my creations, there is the distinct variable that makes this reality. Excellent!! The imprinted wonders glistening in beauty, adhearing (adhering) to our lashes, brows and clothes stinging our skin, burning our toes.. – In these lines you transfer the entirety of the winter experience, snow and all to a personal interaction. I particularly liked “imprinted”, almost like we are the creation (which is true, for we all react differently to the different aspects of winter), and winter the artist. Composed menagerie among the inclement weather, inordinate in its falling, enticing us to observe, to touch, to step into a second childhood! – I concur, and to this day, no matter, I am five again, and the snowfall is my play land. I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. thanks for sharing Sheryl!!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rebecca B. Whited On Date: 2005-03-02 13:42:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Sheryl, This poem makes me wish I had witnessed the snowfall with you! Good imagery portrays the scene of the fallen snow. I like your allusion of the snowflakes to Picasso...each a work of art! I can envision each flake falling into place, as your canvas of white is filled with shades of memories past...oh to be a child again and experience the joy of youthful imagination! A good read; I enjoyed it very much! Beck

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-02-26 18:00:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70000
What? You go outside in the snow barefoot? How brave. Even as a child living in Northern Canada I would never have done that. Frost bite...you forgot to mention that! I'm not so sure about titanium white either as snow falling in cities tends to get mixed with pollutants. This is not a sleight about the poem, just facts. To tighten this up a wee bit I would suggest that your take out the pronoun "our" in a couple of places. It's really not necessary. Less is more is the adage. Is this adults stepping into a second childhood? Have you ever made a snow angel? or caught snow flakes on your tongue or tried to lick a frozen door knob? For some reason all us kids tried the latter. Thanks you for reminding me of what winter is.I liked the way you put Picasso into this. Very abstract as are all snow flakes ...

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandee L McMullan On Date: 2005-02-26 01:38:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92857
Title: The Dance of Snowflakes A joyful title draws me in, as this image imprints the mind screen. A good one it works to give clues to the body of the poem. I look forward to the read. However, the title is the same as first line. This method was done in past times as a quick way to avoid the dreaded “untitled” placed there. Titles are so important fostering an opportunity for the poem to alter the reader’s perspective and elevate it or dumb it down. So vital! This title could bridge the poem with no problem having the first line of the poem as: “As they dust the vast horizon”. This would reduce the repeat. “winter white” I suggest: winter-white, making this a compound word, to help combine the modifiers. A comma after “white,” I love the concept of what’s happening in this poem. The details of ice sculpture rise in the mind, detailing throughout with the crafting of snowflakes. A couple of line breaks on propositions / articles; may I suggest to break them before or after or rearrange. The use of an em dash may help here also: > “each one a Picasso in shape [,] ( – ) an original, minute, free form ice sculpture,” free form = free-formed (might help this array of modifiers) > “The imprinted wonders glistening in” The imprinted wonders glistening in beauty, > “enticing us to observe, to touch, to” enticing us to observe, to touch, to step into a second childhood. This word beauty is an abstraction, perhaps if I may suggest to show what is of beauty, why is it a beauty or what one of the senses strikes it as a beauty. example: > “The imprinted wonders (of crystal? of rain? of frost?) glistening, adhering to our lashes, brows” A little oops spelling, adhearing = adhering (or Cdn. sp?) I esp like “Composed menagerie” the sound is flowing. Indeed, enticing, observing. I am in the scene and with the action in the last lines. The ending “second childhood” is joyful and lifts the spirit of the reader. imo. a good closure. A fine read with delightful images with a touch of artistic creativity in the use of “Picasso” good one. . . . regards

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-02-25 21:55:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Welcome, Sheryl: What a distinct pleasure to find your refreshing, vivid winter poem. The inviting title, "The Dance of the Snowflakes" intrigues me and brings me into the poetic experience for more of the imagery already suggested. I especially enjoyed the assonance of "dance/vast" from L1 and L2 and "snowflakes/shape" from L1 and 4. The sounds are for this reader in "titanium winter white" with the plosive t's tiny explosions of sound softened by the flowing w's of the latter two words. The name of a white paint pigment combined with "Picasso" adds to the idea of snowflakes as art, as does "ice sculpture" and "abstract." Misspelling of "symmetrical" and "adhering" detract slightly from the work but are easily corrected. I suggest a change from "glistening" to 'glistens' as this would be more grammatically correct? I love the idea presented of "imprinted wonders" and the tactile sensations of "stinging/burning" sensation caused by the ice crystals. There is a slight syntax difficulty in the final four lines -- Composed menagerie among the inclement weather, inordinate in its falling, "enticing us" to observe, to touch, to step into [a] second childhood! I think that 'entices us' would flow more smoothly and allow the reader to more fully enter the experience of luxuriating in the "Dance of the Snowflakes." With some small changes this poem should take its place with the very best submissions for this month. My best to you, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2005-02-25 19:28:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.75000
Dear Sheryl Ann, You've posted this at an appropriate time for me, we had a snow storm yesterday and we're due more of the same in a few days. Winter is my favorite time of the year - and after reading this poem I love it even more. You have the most unique discriptives - titanium winter white - Picasso in shape - very good. This flows well for me, and is easily comprehendable. I didn't have to search for the meaning in this, making it all the more enjoyable to read. You've created a winter scene, in imagery and feelings - feeling the weather as we're exposed to it. I completely enjoyed this poem. Sincerely, DeniMari

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-02-25 14:55:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70270
Good structure, nice word flow, plenty of images projected with the flare of your pen as the snow does its dance.......a few weeks back we enjoyed the largest of large snowflakes I have ever seen bigger then a fifty cent piece and my dear that is large........like the expression titanium winter white.....last week I fell on ice in the yard and with all my medical problems for awhile I could not get up and it was snowing.......I was witness to what you described in the fact that the flakes, falling, were hitting my face, kissing my cheek, remaining on my coat and perhaps climbing up the opening of the arms as well........now its Spring time we all look forward to especially me, here in Tully......thanks for posting and sharing this with us.....be safe, God Bless, Claire Do enjoy stepping into second childhood too....looking forward to the third.....

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-02-25 14:40:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80769
Sherly--Delightful little ditty. Great personification of title and heady descriptors create vivid seasonal imagery; "...Picasso in shape, an original, minute, free form ice sculpture, from the abstract to the unobtrusive, from the symetrical to the intricate. The imprinted wonders glistening in beauty, adhearing (adhering?) to our lashes, brows and clothes (,?) stinging or skin, burning our toes." These stupendous lines (believe it or not) are followed by even a better (and my favorite) twist/turn/reversial ending; "Composed menagerie among the inclement weather, inordinate in its falling, enticing us to observe, to touch, to step into a second childhood!" Apt eclectic verbiage used by scribe in this well written invitation to make "snow angels." Thanks for the incredible sense bites. TLW

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