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This Poem was Submitted By: Helen C DOWNEY On Date: 2005-04-23 18:03:31 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Who Are We?

I will shine upon all that seek me You will take what is needed I do not expect much in return You will swallow my tears I will widen your veins You do not drain me You erupt your completeness I shall forever bloom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-05-05 13:55:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.74359
Helen: This poem works well as a metaphor for mentor/mentoree, parent/child relationship, or as I experienced it, a mythic journey. Perhaps it is Apollo who speaks, or the Sun, personified. I think of the Earth as swallowing the tears of the clouds, or atmosphere. The alternation of "I/You" seems like a Self-Other exchange. Perhaps it is a romantic duo, Eros and a lover. In early mythology he was represented as one of the primeval forces of nature, son of Chaos, and the embodiment of the harmony and creative power of the universe. In any case, I heartily enjoyed the originality of it, the interesting interplay of sounds and images. I think that your final line, "I shall forever bloom" is a phenomenal credo for poets everywhere. As long as poets continue to write, and readers read, they shall "forever bloom." If I have missed your intent, I nevertheless have greatly enjoyed the opportunity to read and comment. Best wishes, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-05-02 20:49:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.55556
Helen, I can't take it anymore so I'm going to type until I figure this out or go away letting you know I tried. First question: What shines? The sun shines, the stars shine, the moon reflects, eyes reflect, lights shine. Is Helen talking about reflection or a source of light? Symbolically everything can shine. Memory, history, people, buildings etc.... Something shines and you take. Take what is needed. What needs shine? Plants need sun, people need sun, animals need sun. Symbolically everything needs this shine to make it healthy. What has expectations? People. This must be about people? Or Helen could be speaking figuratively. Swallow tears and widen veins? If tears are rain then veins are rivers. The sky is never without rain and will not be drained. To erupt. To be filled with tears and shine in the face of bloom giving back little. Wait, the key word here may be "seek". Knowledge and wisdom is something that a person would seek. The giving back could just be the passing of time to build the base of this. Tears could be the tragic histories of the world. The widening of veins could mean the expansion of the mind. Of course this could not be drained and the person would be more complete. Bloom to represent the fact that knowledge and wisdom will always be accumulated somewhere. Helen, that's my best guess to answer the question. I apologize for splashing around the page so. I would appreciate it if you would tell me. You don't have to of course. LOL! You could just let me go crazy. Best, Troy

This Poem was Critiqued By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-04-27 13:30:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 6.00000
Concise, yet filled with power. I see a poetess speaking to the readers - as they will take only what is needed. They will swallow your tears: your pain, life experience, and all life's exqisite emotions left for us to pen. Nice structure and flow. Thanks, Audrey

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-04-24 21:47:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.24000
Who Are We? Great Title Poet, and if it needs to be responded to, We Are The Chilren of God........ at least that is how I look at this title......the world should be so fortunate if the people of the world came to know Him and love Him as they should....each lines speaks of what it would be like to walk with the Lord by your side.......He indeed shines upon all who seek Him.........He does not expect much in return now does He? No, and look what He gave each one of us.......I love the feelings and emotions associated with this one poet.....the Lord shall continue to bless your writing. Thank you for posting and sharing this with us. God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-04-24 11:51:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44444
Okay, short and sweet in 8 lines. I will take what I need by plucking your loverly blooms. You erupt your completeness....You erupt [in] your completeness. So upon re-reading this 6 times, I still can't figure it out. Now I think it is about losing a relationship, and because of that you will [blossom] bloom. So [who are we]we are perhaps children leaving their parents...oh here I go again changing my mind. P.S.: critiquer's note: never expect anything...that way you cannot have surprises or disappointments. Thanks for posting.

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