This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-04-28 16:09:49 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Eye to Eye Flipping on the switch,
the light of day turned to bright.
Illuminating for me to view
my reflection, shown clear in the mirror.
Mated eyes peered back with intent of mind
searching the posing face, called mine.
Momentarily time held still,
it was of no consequence.
A matter of import stayed me to see
the glowing of love you have for me.
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Copyright © April 2005 Dellena Rovito
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-05-03 15:37:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70833
Dellena, there is a emotional feeling about this verse. I read it first and the spatial (metaphorically speaking) spacing and placement of modifiers was quite intense. I thought initially, this will be a good representation of the subject matter, when I finished, it was quite a powerful moment.
Eye to Eye – You really don’t define your title till the last line. I do like that for this poem. There is a need to assume much, and feel “character” issues, without knowing outright the “Eye to Eye” issue involved.
Flipping on the switch,
the light of day turned to bright. – Much ado about something is what I call this. The identifying, underlying, manifestations will be the discovery, but the response is to the stimuli, and it is real. It is much like a “switch” which makes this analogy feed off of itself.
Illuminating for me to view
my reflection, shown clear in the mirror. – Here is almost an entire allegory in a simple metaphor. To see the vision coming back, usually far beyond personal opinion of oneself, or at least a seldom seen response to your usual offering. Excellent.
Mated eyes peered back with intent of mind
searching the posing face, called mine. – In this stanza we begin the mating dance of the Blue footed boobies. Intent, searching, posing, mine, and the eyes have it.
Momentarily time held still,
it was of no consequence. – This is the perfect example of relativity. The medium for which the soul dwells moves so much faster than the surrounding medium that there is a “stasis” of all that is not in the “eye to eye” moment.
A matter of import stayed me to see
the glowing of love you have for me. – Love, and you can withstand it?
Dellena, this is a very powerful piece that holds many strong passions. I enjoyed the reading and the living of your work!! Thanks.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-04-29 08:19:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ah - sometimes the most profound thoughts are couched in simple terms and this lilting and
engaging poem is one of those times
Eye to Eye
fine title which engages us - eye to eye
Flipping on the switch,
the light of day turned to bright.
great metaphoric beginning
Illuminating for me to view
my reflection, shown [clearly] in the mirror.
Mated eyes peered back with intent of mind
searching the posing face, called mine.
wonderful m aliteration and intense - and brilliant self-reflection -
this kind of subtle pun is diffiult to achieve.
Momentarily[,] time held still,
it was of no consequence.
that aside is poignant with meaning
A matter of import stayed me to see
the glowing of love you have for me.
in the reflection we see manifestation of both self realization and the
reflected love of - another - wow - neat poem Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-04-28 21:08:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70588
Dellena:
Fantastic title! It can be taken as ‘eye to eye’ or ‘I to I’ or ‘eye to I’ –!
A conscious being speaking to another conscious being – you speaking
to the Creator, you speaking to the reader.
This one really caught me by surprise. You are the philosopher of
TPL, so I should not have been surprised by the surprise. But I was
asleep again. <smile> In the beginning -- light. I couldn’t help but
draw an allusion to Genesis with L1-2. I think that the short couplets
work well for this poem. You give the reader time to read and reflect.
The spacing in between couplets is a wonderful place for the light.
I wonder if S2 needs another word, as mentally I am probing around
for the ‘place’ the light of day is illuminating.
Illuminating (space/room/place?) for me to view. –- A thought only.
I love the way you describe a pair of eyes with the word “mated”
because this can be interpreted as the eyes of a viewer connecting
with the eyes of the person beholding her image in the mirror. At
first I read it as you looking at yourself in the mirror. Then I realized
it might be you looking at yourself, you looking at your soul/spirit
(spark of God) and also at the reader. Then, because you are
showing us a different way to view the space-time continuum,
you write in S3 “Momentarily time held still, it was of no
consequence.” WOW! Talk about knock my socks off! It does.
The moment before creation, consciousness, self-consciousness.
You show in a few simple words the profound feeling that
happens when time seems suspended. I feel a little bit like a
millipede considering which legs to move after stopping
completely. (I know, millipedes don’t wear socks!)
But the final couplet holds the nuclear power of this poem:
“A matter of import stayed me to see
the glowing of love you have for me.”
Now the poem immediately becomes YOU talking to ME.
You talking to God. God talking to you. God talking to
me through you. You talking to each reader, who is also
talking to you, to God, and to me. See, this is where I got
lost and couldn’t remember what day it is or what I was
doing a few minutes ago. Time stopped.
This poem has a high degree of splendiferousness. You take your
readers seriously, and light-ly.
I love it! Brava!
Best always,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-04-28 19:21:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.26667
Eye to Eye, nice title poet as it allows one to look into those beautiful blue eyes of the other party......love blue eyes.......actually after reading this more then once I tend to lean toward my own eyes that I am looking at.....finding what I seek from within my own soul first and abovve all else otherwise I cannot find happiness with anyone else and I know I have to first love myself........
Good structure, word flow and see what you have allowed me to create with the words chosen.....
There was a time when life might not have been so good and loving oneself is not always the easiest thing to do. If this is a love poem I am sorry for taking off in the wrong direction but I honestly enjoyed where you allowed me to go. Take care, be safe, God Bless, Claire
Had lifeline installed this week at home........things are getting harder and harder......
This Poem was Critiqued By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-04-28 18:51:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.18182
Nice work.
Might I suggest changing the 2nd stanza to read something like
Illuminating for me to view
my mirrored reflection shown clear
(either way very nice)I especially like 'the light of day turned bright'
Thanks for posting,
Audrey
This Poem was Critiqued By: Helen C DOWNEY On Date: 2005-04-28 17:29:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.63889
Dellena,
A beautiful piece here. It flows like magic and your words tell of love. The structure fits this piece well and the flow is smooth. Thanks for sharing.
Helen
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