This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2005-06-18 13:17:11 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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I Wish I started to tell you my story
But then I disappeared
Through rage in pain with fear
Inside I cried but didn't show
The tear that fell as I went
Into the darkness, calm and silent
Not a word was said between us
I followed your command
My utter silence your demand
I closed my eyes as you leaned close
A kiss and you began
Your lips to mine and then your hand . . .
I recoiled in my mind far away in time
But you would never know
I learned early how to go
Drifting about in shadows and moonlight
I watch and count the corners
I listen and hear mourners
Deep soulful cries of the deceased
our child and mine too
Forever gone by you
A dagger into the heart
Not a wail was heard
As far away I looked there flew a bird
Into dark shadows of night
My firstoborn forever gone
I sit in the shadows and long . . .
Waiting for your sign to show
The time for me to return
But now the boy will burn
Into the flame upon the stick
Upheld by a cross
Today my boy was lost
Embers glow an early dawn
Opens the mourning sky
And I just wonder why?
Why was I born and allowed to live
Or is this all a lie
I would rather die
Just for once I wish this wish
Let me take their place
Their sorrow I can't face
As now i must return
To you and to myself
To my eternal hell
I started to tell you my story
But I opened my eyes -
Perhaps it's all just lies?
My wish is just that these are not
Memories in my eyes
Just all horrible lies
But sadly my body aches
It hollers and it yells
As otherwise it tells
Of such deep pain from depths within
Physical, spiritual
Mental and so emotional
I lost my boy.I watched him die
Then burn till mourning light
I gave him up without a fight
I work with boys today as old as he would be
But it is not a lie
And all I think is why?
I started to tell you my story
But my wish got in the way
Perhaps we'll try another day
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Copyright © June 2005 Mandie J Overocker
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-07-05 13:59:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.47500
Your pain, your anguish is apparent. It lies heavily on MY soul. I am angered by the torment you
have gone through. As a Psychiatric Nurse it is hard for me to understand where such cruelty
comes from. You got your wish (as your last stanza), and I have heard from you today. There are
NO answers to the WHY's you ask...only forgiveness will carry you forward. Your poems are heavy
and deep, and I trust that soon you will see that brightness in the world. Thanks for this
submission. (boy are you busy. of the first 10 poems on my list you have 8 of them).
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-06-25 09:30:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46154
Mandie,
Excellant form, the stanzas flow well into each other and the rhyming added that extra touch. Your thoughts are clear and you have communicated them well.
Pleasant thoughts
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-06-22 10:17:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mandie:
Your poem reminds me that the most important reason for our exchanges here (in my opinion)
is to hear one another's stories. Poetry is an artform that allows for healing and expansion
of the soul. In the reading I was completely swept away by the intensity of your mourning.
Writing this is accomplishing much for you, offering up your life experiences for healing
and release. You open to the reader's interpretation and ability to listen to your words.
You turn us each back to our own places of sorrow, regret and woundedness. You allow us
to view your suffering, on the deepest level. The authenticity and emotional depth here
asks a lot of readers, but you respect us and trust us with your soul's greatest anguish.
This kind of respect calls for reciprocation. If readers do not write, they will have
likely read, and have been changed by your willingness to share your experience. Nothing
happens in a vacuum. This poem is now 'out there' to be what it is, to allow the changes
which inevitably follow opening in this way to happen for you and for each of your readers
and responders.
I started to tell you my story
But my wish got in the way
Perhaps we'll try another day
I am listening. My deepest sympathy for your loss. Don't stop trying to tell your story.
It is worthy and important. It wants to speak through you. Keep writing. You are not alone.
My best always,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-06-21 17:44:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93878
I wish poet that I could hold you in my arms, feeling your pain, feeling your sorrow, feeling the depth of darkness you have walked through in your lifetime......the losses are so deep, so intense, so not of your own doing and the pain continues on..........it is a wonder that you have even come this far poet, with the pictures projected from the flare of your pen, the memories so embeded deep within your soul, yet here you are healing.....sharing your pain, allowing others to reach out and touch you, let you know that you are a good person, that you cannot continue to blame yourself as it seems you do...........it is not easy to let go of the memories you have for they are dark and not of the light but please know that God is with you and has been by your side all this time.......He walks with you, He shares your pain and He want you to let go if you can of any and all guilt you might be still holding in............I hope your faith is strong enough poet to know there is life after death and that little baby of yours is an angel watching over you..........I was very sick once and took a journey where I felt the breath of God as He kissed my cheek as I laid dying, all I thought of at that time was .....if this is what it is like to die then its okay, the peace, the joy, the pure love that surrounded me was so intense and I am so certain that all have this feeling......when my mama died, it took her three days here at my home, I thought she suffered but the nurse assured me she was in no pain and that she was in God's Waiting Room and now my friend she is in God's Heavenly Garden.....her pain is over, her legs are young and alive and she is just fine watching over all of us.......
It is good that you are able to work with boys today......what you give to them I am certain is received with love.........your life experiences alone are so worth sharing with others especially young people and if you can save them from the pain and suffering you have walked through God Bless you.......
Again, thank you for posting and sharing another most difficult walk with us.......my prayers are with you poet and I know you will be just fine..........look how far you have already come.
God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2005-06-18 15:48:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.63636
Dear Mandie,
Inside the writer, is a pain so deep, so unhealed that it cries out in these stanzas. Time the healer of emotional pain, is on your side but I see no hope of finding that peace in time in this poem.
I know for myself, writing is the outlet to vent and express all the intimate details and emotions I hold back.
That itself is good, it's a form of release that is needed. I sympathize immensely with your deepest feelings, and I hope you do heal from these events as God would not want you to feel this way the rest of your life.
Thanks for sharing this and for having the courage to pen down your thoughts and feelings.
Sincerely,
DeniMari
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