This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-11-05 18:03:20 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Bang Today Bang:
Fifteen billion years past the energy of all space and matter
was contained in a small area less than the size of a pin's prick.
Then an enormous explosion, deep within itself occurred!
Splays of energy particles and embryonic universe pushed outward
and away from each other. Our space and stars were being made!
Stars formed and fell in the atmosphere
laying the foundation for this universe!
Today:
It’s the cosmic realm of everything in existence that we've read about
and gaze skyward up into, taking for granted its functions, with no other
intimate connection to it. The stars, sun, and moon, we require them to brighten
the day and bring life to all they touch. Clouds fill our rivers and oceans, us cursing
when it rains, crying when it doesn't. All things are taken for granted. "Our home is
our God given right," we say. Maybe so, but who are we in the grand scheme of things?
As I wish upon a star do we know who we are?
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Copyright © November 2005 Dellena Rovito
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-11-26 18:48:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96296
Dellena, there is so much encompassed in this piece that it must be separated into three themes.
The first, whether having a guide, or straight through to the natural world, the expanding universe had to, at some time, have been "smaller". Creation must be viewed as precipitation of that natural world.
Then there is the "meaning of life" theme that threads through the creation theme. I guess, if we need to recognize an actual "meaning" it is liable, as you intimate, to be interspersed within the entirety of the creation experience.
Lastly, there is a theological theme, more "corner of the eye" than direct. I noticed that the premious two you attempted an analysis, of the theological view, you pretty much let it stand, unexplored.
An exciting piece, ether and atmosphere- to purge or to purgatory, or not.
Thanks for sharing this piece.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-11-25 17:16:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena,
Very unusual, I like the visual layout to this well thought out, well crafted read. Your verbiage paints graphic pictures while the flow provides a smooth read. I think you have given us something to ponder, at least those of us who don't always subscribe to the same theory however why can't there be a meeting of the two thoughts......bang created by creater.......who's can say. Very interesting and very enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing this work with us. Kudos!
Best always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-11-21 06:58:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Dellena,
Very interesting theme and you've given it an original structure too.
Your poem opens with a paragraph that takes us back to the moment of creation. Isn't it amazing...an energy source the size of a needle prick leading to the expanse of universe and we've only ventured into a small mili-fraction of it. The first paragraph gives us a sense of the enormity and wonder of the phenomena.
Then, you transport us back into the today and remind us that it is all forgotten. We have become the masters and the heavenlies - our tools. When it suits us to curse the rain..we do..and when we need it..we pray for it. Interesting thoughts and you definitely have me thinking.
As I wish upon a star do we know who we are? ---okay, in this line you have 'I' and then use 'we'. You might want to replace the 'I' with a 'we'.
I really liked this piece!!!
Take care,
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2005-11-10 16:08:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77778
Dellena, you are paradoxically inclined, lending well to your ability to take poetic drift somewhere
and not just another cliche' or redundance. Your ending line is both an excellent example of how you
do this and how you can find depth out of a familiar others haven't.
Although I don't subscribe to the Big Bang Theory, I certainly believe in God, and his marvelous bounty
and, yes, I find it absurd that the New Age questions His Hand in so many ways simply to accommodate their
self absorbtion in "allergies" and food sensitivity. The weather is another thing.
I find the imagery you create in the Creation to be marvelously carried, but I would suggest that atmosphere,
in, "Stars formed and fell in the atmosphere" be changed to something like aether since atmosphere applies
solely to the self contained gases around one planet. Aether has both an esoteric and vast historical value.
What's more, I do believe the future will see it come to play a more and more prominate role in discerning
matter elementally. Maybe even bringing mankind closer, not further away, to an awe of God's design.
Your most astute point is that man takes for granted too much...and at his peril.
Indeed
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2005-11-10 02:58:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Dellena
Now I remember you: I think our quarks were standing together in the same pavilion at the Primordial Singularity's "coming out" bash. Yours were the ones with all the questions. Feels like yesterday ...
Well, apparently we're still hurtling through time and space.
Hang on, we ARE time and space ... now I know how we got separated ... you were the one with all the questions, yes, I remember, and I was the one telling the Singularity "Buddy, you have NO idea how long it's gonna take to sort yourself out once you explode, and if you did you would definitely think twice about it."
"Next thing ... Poooof!! Mee-sa here!"
I think the Singularity thought we'd appreciate the humour.
Mark.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-11-09 06:33:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Well done my friend.......I just love this one........you bring the beginning of this world to life and have allowed me to be a part of its creation with all its forming ways......and then you have placed us all in the 'today' of life and what it is......with all the rains we have both endured this past month your clouds certainly have filled the rivers, streams and more..........and the people roar.......love the closing line.....As I wish upon a star do we know who we are? Perhaps some are fortunate to know who they are and then there is me, who is learning and perhaps changing each day for the better I pray.
Great form, structure, word flow and emotions with images you created. One can perhaps associate this with their life and how it originally began, the roads taken to get to where they are today. We are all a part of the bigger plan of life. Bravo Del really well done. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-11-06 17:49:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
ah Dellena. great to see you philosophizing. No we don't know who we are.I liked what you did here by bringing the two themes together. But where is God in all this? No mention of a superior being that could possibly be behind all this matter of stars, etc.If you find out, let me know.
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