This Poem was Submitted By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2005-11-22 21:17:10 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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For my father, when he will be on his deathbed

It doesn’t matter that I didn’t know how much I loved you. It doesn’t matter that the boy you were lived with dead parents as if the crime were his and you, your memory shot,  your only witness. Or that you stepped, brave target, into the path of another’s Death, who knocked you flying,  dislocated your hip and gave the gravest pain to all your love-making. It doesn’t matter, I’d still have done what I have done: love wishes to be blind. For knowing now makes my love no jot more pure but only infinitely  more sad.

Copyright © November 2005 Mark Andrew Hislop


This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-11-28 18:40:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Mark, You're writing alot of sad poems, but I find this may be the perfect time. Emotions are at there peak and it flows forth so easily. Like ridding yourself of some too heavy to bear alone pain. I question the 'jot'? what was it 'lot'? Loving ain't easy but it is worth the price.'But maybe you think different at this moment in time. Most of us don't realize the love, and the value ofanother till it's too late. You've had alot of sad on your plate. We are all so dumb thinking nothing will change. I've kicked myself too. Good meditative poem The sun's coming. Dellena


This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-11-24 16:43:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.63636
Now I cry. My father died at age 54 on the OR table. Too young, too young. Enuf. I am sad.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-11-23 16:34:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85000
Hi Mark, I see you re-named this poem! I agree that I wish I had known you were speaking of your father when I read it the first time. Now the words make so much sense and give me a better insight into your thoughts. And also I think the impact is more powerful when the reader is allowed to know who you are speaking about. The stanza about your father's parents, now that I know who he is, makes my heart so sad...who should have to endure such an event? Just a new title sheds an entirely new light on this piece. Not that you want sympathy or even expect it, but I can't help but feel some sorrow that these awful events ever took place in your family. Thank you for sharing a piece of yourself with all who read this poem. Love ya...Mazza
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2005-11-23 11:25:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.84615
MAH, A very good example of what a title can do. When I first read this poem, I was a little confused as to who it was about. I knew it was personal, though. One fault of much modern poetry is the lack of a clear context for the reader. The modern, post-Romantic poet, who may eschew some of the aesthetic trappings of Romanticism, and some of it's symbolism and aesthetic technique, still has his approach to poetry determined by an exploration of his/her mind and experience, which the reader is not privy to. As a post-Romantic poet, and indeed an admirer of Romanticism, I have no problem with that. However, I think we must give the reader a clue as to what the poem is about, set the context for them. One way to do this is the title, which you've done here. Of course, there are other ways. An epigraph, pointers in the poem that are not arcane, etc. This poem is not any less moving then the first time I read it. More so, now that I have more of a handle. Thanks for letting your poem serve as my soapbox. Cheers, MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-11-23 08:56:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93750
Mark: Your title is a great improvement! I think it enhances the entire poem. Thanks for not hiding the first version of this one, and resubmitting. It's even more moving with this change. Best to you, Joanne
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