This Poem was Submitted By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-02-05 21:25:47 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Taken at the Touch The place where moments drag furrows
in sand, grainy splices
to be filled with brine.
Bristling life despondently plentiful
unaccountable to my terms
to fulfill lust that never rests.
Not the groping kind, probing clumsily
for a warmth not had since birth
Not distilled of passion long enough to
purge.
Not breathing in tortured restraint
avoiding to give away too much
fearful of detection.
But to not give away all, to know
past the point of emptiness
Chiding the signs at the summit
you're not going down on the other side.
And the bed I might offer the-one-not-yet-found
a proper cradle for her head. |
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Copyright © February 2007 James C. Horak
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-03-05 16:38:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Hi James....what a sensual poem you have penned! At the risk of giving away too much of myself, it is down right sexy! Much of what you write has hidden meanings or are metaphors, that at times, I do not grasp fully, but to me this one is quite clear. I could do a line by line critique, of this piece, but my opinion would remain the same. Heaven forbid it is a metaphor for something quite porfound because I like to think of it as a confession for a "lust that never rests." The doleful ending gives me pause as you have yet to find the one who you can offer a "proper cradle for her head." Perhaps you are looking in all the wrong places. They say (who ever they are) you will find what you are seeking when you cease to look. Sorry...I quit looking eons ago and my knight still has not shown up. Well done.
cheers...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2007-02-21 06:58:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jimbo
I'm gonna talk in generalities.
Reading this I feel like you've brought me to look through a window, only to find it's been smeared with petroleum jelly. And thus I HAVE to talk in generalities because everything here is so indistinct. Until we get to what seems to be "the point," that is the cradle for, "the-one-not-yet-found". And even then, look at that construction: utterly indistinct. All we know is that they are "not found".
Perhaps this is in keeping with what you're trying to convey, a lust that you can only describe negatively, i.e. you know what it is "not", but you can't quite put your finger on what it IS, and you're not even convinced you'd offer it a bed ("the bed I MIGHT offer").
Nope. This leaves me with many more questions than answers.
Questions I'm not convinced I need answers for.
MAH
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-02-12 19:07:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Dear JCH,
This is beautiful, full of sentiment, and for "the one not yet found", hope that love can be found.
Not many men, can express themselves as such, so feel honored to have done so. There are many good lines in this, but the ending stands out for me.
After the recent loss of my mother, I'm just getting back to reading/critiquing here on TPL. Please accept my short critique, it's just the best I can do right now.
Good luck with this one, you continue to show your gift through all of your poems.
Sincerely,
Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-02-10 16:44:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
James,
A captivating piece that brings up the loving maturity you now know and enjoy.
As youth fulfilling lust/groping unducated of the potential of sex and its life altering affects.
Love and touching shoud come exquisitely from the soul.
A moment looking into a loving partner's eyes, untouching, could be the most
sensual experince experienced.
The signs at the summit don't go down, they go up.
They go beyond up.......
And not many seem to know the way to go.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-02-05 23:08:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
James,
Your title, took me in, the warm senuousness of your verses seduced my mind while the accomplished strophe of your pen sated my spirit...and now you will have to read between the lines. Your closing is such a fitting fulfilment after the journey you've given...I would request "oncore" except I'm still trying to catch my breath.
always,
L
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