This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-03-02 23:02:28 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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In His Love, I Want to Live

Moments, in the breath of new dawn; Jesus claims my heart in love alike to divine. Trembling in this sensation, stilled by this affection; Mystic joy feeds my spirit - satisfied yet still in search Of the deeper bond my soul is praying for.  All senses alerted and waiting to walk the path  By believing, by knowing, by wanting Every moment I have living to follow him home. Having been damned, forgotten and betrayed. With no strong source or force to lift me; To wits end, and then again to it. Too many times to count out now. Scars could bleed, yet each lesson seemed out of reach. Till now, vaguely bewildered by it all I pushed through the fog, to the light, to his heart. Fought like the devil for his love. So dawn, is peace, in peace I pray For this prince to believe in my life all the way.

Copyright © March 2007 DeniMari Z.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-03-15 07:26:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
When giving reference to the Lord I always capitalize the first letter, Prince, Him, His...just a thought....He is Lord......enjoyed the read very much; we all have struggles in our walk through life and your being able to put into words all the times you fought to be saved, the road you choose to follow the Lord in your own walk, the images created with the flare of your pen......they all work very well together. My own breath caught as I read the first stanza for it is so true how one feels when they come to know and accept the Lord into their lives. Each day is a new beginning, clean and fresh, each day brings you closer and closer to that intense feeling of pure joy and the best is that He will never leave you if you fall and fail Him in any way. Thanks for posting and for sharing, may your walk with the Lord continue to bring you total peace, love and joy........God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2007-03-14 11:21:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
DeniMari, Well, I can't really be objective about this. I'm just thrilled that Jesus is such a big part of your life, though i unsettle myself even putting it that way: He is life or death. Anyway, I'm thrilled to see you leaping for life, and happy that a fellow TPLer is concerned with their eternal welfare in this way. Thank you for standing up for Him. Seek, and YE SHALL FIND. Which is why no one is off the hook - people should start with "seeking" a minute a day, or two, they don't have to believe to seek - He will find you His time, in the time you need to develop, time that will always be given if you do the seeking. Anyway, you know this. Your destiny, and mine, and eveyones, is secure, if we keep seeking like you do here. Christ always be with you, MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-03-11 10:52:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
DeniMari, the elegant concerns here of the spirit and deep faith exampled require, for best presentation the very best of style and grammatical delivery. You have chosen, instead of the rustic, to flow in the style of poetic form and the message should be expressed by such attention to detail. A dangling participle interrupts that flow, instead of, "my soul is praying for", how about something like, For the deeper bond my soul is praying? One other change might enhance the power, especially in the last line, "For this prince to believe in my life all the way". Jesus is a diety, capitalize prince. "all the way" is too much like a sports cheer or White House press corps. handling of the war. Let's try something like, For this Prince to know my heart is full of Him. (Dieties don't believe, they know.) Slight changes to be sure, but I think they will make enough difference to enhance your poem in a way its theme most certainly deserves. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-03-10 15:22:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Denimari...such a beautiful poem that was obviously written with deep emotion and passion. If you don't mind I am going to noodle with it just a bit. Jesus claims my heart in love alike to divine.....I would change 'alike' to 'akin' but better yet I would say "Jesus claims my heart in love divine" I do think it makes the flow more even. Trembling in this sensation, stilled by (this) affection;.......drop (this) Every moment I have living to follow him home.....put caps on Him To wits end, and then again to it.........I'm not sure what 'then again to it' means...probably just me! Scars could bleed, yet each lesson seemed out of reach....how about...scars bleed, lessons out of reach I pushed through the fog, to the light, to his heart.....caps on His For this prince to believe in my life all the way.......I would drop...'all the way' since you aren't rhyming I wouldn't rhyme the last line and I don't think 'all the way' serves to better the line. Dearheart....these are just some suggestions that you can use or throw away. In no way can they improve on the message in this poem. I could feel your emotions as I read the lines....well done. Blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-03-06 19:53:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
DeniMari, Ah yes, you've found the key; felt the "slain in the raptor" a most awesome feeling that is truly beyond discription however if one could come close to discribing it; you most certainly have. It's a shame we can't stand on the roof top and shout out how wondrous that love is and how all incompossing it is...and if we did would anyone hear. God bless you and your journey, excellent poem, well penned and thoughtfully stated. Thank you for sharing with us. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-03-04 17:18:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
DeniMari, This is very Godly a poem indeed. I understand how the world can let one down. Nothing is solidly stable. Love seems to come and go..........loyalty isn't holding true. Friends are not true to you. Life is disappointing. The only real in your life is your God. 'Of the deeper bond my soul is praying for. ' It's hard to remember when we're hurting that we all are weak humans doing the best we can and it's not very good. We sin, make terrible mistakes, destroy love and friendships. Yet we don't mean anything 'personal' to another. And the only saving grace is the ability to overlook all the flaws and human frailty and and unconditionally love everyone. You may not agree or accept their actions but you love the God of them. You can't escape in God's love and not love everything..........Love of everything is everything. I think I wrote this for myself! Blessings Dellena
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