This Poem was Submitted By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2007-05-31 17:52:22 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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July in Salyersville

Grandma’s attic held surprises at every step and turn.  Trunks full of fun flapper dresses and  bright flower covered hats tucked away in dim corners of the  closet under the slopeing eaves. Odds and ends of sun faded children’s  toys peeked here and there from beneath piles of hand sewn cotton  quilt tops.  But the prize for a blonde curly-haired five year old lay under  the big-top box that housed Ringling  Brothers Circus.  Tiny rubbery clowns and elephants scattered among lions and tigers and bears mingle with three golden  rings to form  the circus  tent.  The  ringmaster held a little whip,  trapeze artists swung to and fro, dangling high above the cardboard grandstand in a plastic death defying act thrilling the imagination.  A magnificent find on a hot July day in 1953.  Circus creatures to play with under the big maple tree where the mind of a little girl was allowed to run free. 

Copyright © May 2007 Jana Buck Hanks

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joan M Whiteman On Date: 2007-06-05 09:17:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Granny's attic is most surely the treasure house of America. You paint a lovely Norman Rockwell type image here. One can see the child, the attic and the toys quite clearly in your words. Nice poem! Joan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-06-04 10:22:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jana, I think you spoke to something as universal and yet personal as an event can be. Co-opted from your story- and fine storytelling it is- is the child reaching for release from within each reader. One quick edit “slopeing” is “sloping”. There was a sleepy, almost magical feeling to the beginning, where the reader looks for the little girl to play house in the clothing, and suddenly, that is put aside and an even more magical event begins. Before leaving that scene; you do a terrific job at making us feel as the child feels, and place ourselves up in the attic, full of treasures, excitement and mystery. You brought back to me, on a personal note, so many excited moments of treasure hunting, not only in old attics, but abandoned houses, and bomb shelters; so much of what a child is has been captured in your piece that you tell our story almost as an addendum to your marvelous adventure. And then the circus, already fascinating to a young child, to be discovered in the attic; all the needs of a three ring circus- amplified through the imagination of an thrilled young girl. In your writing, you speak of the items are animated; it is as if we are watching the circus played out in real time, from the hands and imagination of the child. Well done. It was at the end of the month, I was so busy; this was worth the distraction. This was a certain healing to the soul. Excellent piece.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-06-03 17:03:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jana, This goes back a bit.....I was 12 in 53. Past the toys into boys! but I spent time under the shady trees playing/writing even years earlier. What a wonderful, carefree existance! These are memories to treasure...... I loved the tree/and me thinks the tree loved me! I enjoy your ability to pull up youth in the summer free to be. Now remember the homemade ice cream and turning the crank/salt and ice? Loved the memories this envoked. Good job of writing. Dellena Glad you returned........hugs
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-06-02 15:24:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Hi Jana....this is a delightul poem! It is full of charm and took me back to my own childhood. What treaasuers for a little girl with an active imagination You have a typo...slopeing should be sloping. I do whish we could go backa and edit a poem once it has been posted....but alas we cannot! You have used some great enjambments here but those that end with 'the' would be more correct if you drop 'the' to the next line. Anyway that was pointed out to me by a poet on this sight..but I don't know if it is actually a rule or just a choice. Great poem with fun images! Blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-06-01 11:20:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94737
Jana, I really like the story told here, very nice free verse. However, I'm not real keen on your line stanza seperation, they impeded the flow. Perhaps, you can find a way to not break in the middle of a thought, maybe a bit tightening up, really don't have a suggestion on this. Overall, a very enjoyable read, my favorite lines are in your ending. Best always, Lora
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