This Poem was Submitted By: James C. Horak On Date: 2008-01-06 11:14:23 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
Copyright © January 2008 James C. Horak
Upturned face, waving arms, smiles
so easily provoked.
She lay upon her father's chest
unknowing of what she evoked.
Her picture seemed all he had,
that and the cold steel used to tag,
Driven between his teeth instants
following soul reach to the sky.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-01-21 22:06:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi James........I have read this over and over and am having a most difficult time to turn my thoughts away in the second stanza........I love the word flow in the opening stanza, the images created with the flow of your pen.....having 18 grand children I have often seen the picture you paint and feel the emotions associated with a newborn child. I have a beauty of a picture with my grandson laying on his daddy's chest and though he is not a she the emotions are still there. Then I find myself lost in the second stanza for I am fearing this child has been taken away......her picture seemed all he had......that and the cold steel used to tag, then my own eyes search the hevens as I too look for something to be seen as it reaches to the sky. If you would be so kind to let me know how ignorant I am and what you do mean it will be greatly appreciated. Actually, I am going to place it on my list for the month and I am sure there is something pulling me back for yet another read or two. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2008-01-14 18:15:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Economy of words is not practiced better here by anyone! The title seemed confusing...a generous, abundant, bestowed with profusion, a song to quiet babies or put them to sleep. The death imagery in the second stanza brings the chilling realization of "unknowing what she evoked".
This poem is beautifully done, because every word, every phrase contributes to the meaning, not one word superflurous. Motive or that which might render the poem a completeness is not apparent. I do not know if that is a lack in the reading or in the writing. As it is, there is no moral to the poem, it is a snapshot,
an extremely poetical one.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2008-01-13 21:07:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
So off to shouldiering is it, and what a look it is.... Families seem to disenagrate so easily leaving only pictures and memories and at the final call; is it all we have a picture, a beloved memory and an idenity tag, I have my fathers and husbands, thank God neither had the feel of steel driven between their teeth though many they knew did...and then the journey home... This evoked so many deep, disturbing and unfamiliar emotions for this reader that it remains haunting in my mind...and I read it again...trying to feel life as it should be pushing out the small and petty. Thank you for the shake up.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-01-13 18:04:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Showing your love for your child is so special.
Your children teach you of a different way to love. Unconditional love that is nothing but Godly.
And later in life we learn that unconditional'ism expands to encompass even more. We find we love
flowers, sky, others, and more. The children have opened us up to all.
I am not sure what the steel tag is or means? The frame of the picture.
It sounds like the caring wove through your life, on and off.....coming going, ebbing, flowing, on
the journey to reach your God!
Really nice, and so endearing, to me.
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link
Click HERE to
return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!